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Evaluation of Targetted Admission Essay



sharon108 2 / 1  
Jan 22, 2009   #1
Hello, I need help with this targetted admission essay to the Masters of Information Management Program at the University of Maryland, College Park. Here are the instructions that they have given for the essay:

**Targeted applicant essay (this is submitted instead of the Personal Statement in the Application Supplemental Form). This 500-word essay should address the following four questions:

What do you see as the most interesting and/or significant opportunities provided by the information field?
information is knowledge and knowledge is power

Why are you interested in the particular degree for which you are applying, and why do you wish to pursue this degree at the College of Information Studies?

What strengths would you bring to graduate study and to the information profession?

What are your career plans, and how would this degree advance them?

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As the famous adage goes "Information is knowledge and knowledge is power". In today's world where every person wants to have information available at their fingertips at the click of a button, technologists and engineers are sweating away trying to cater to the ever increasing demands of industries and individuals. With the enormous information superhighways available today, the need to manage information has become greater than ever.

Since my early childhood, I had decided that I wanted a career in technology. After completing my high school, I decided to do a Diploma in Computer Engineering which would give me a base in both, the hardware and software aspects of computers. During my diploma, I developed a liking for information systems and software hence I decided to pursue a Bachelors degree in Information Technology. Now after almost completing my Bachelors, I have set a goal in my mind to shape my career in the field of Information Systems. I will need a graduate degree which will build on my core IT skills and give me an in depth knowledge of the intricacies of Information Management for a successful career.

Having considered the programs offered by various universities in the United States, I found that the courses offered by College of Information Studies appealed to me, as it has the subjects that covered my primary interest for the Masters course. This would certainly go a long way and help me fulfill my desires of becoming a leading entrepreneur and succeeding right from inception. Having studied the subjects offered, and gone through the Team Experience and Capstone project, would certainly position me at desired levels to pursue my interest effectively in the IT industry.

My aim for applying to the graduate program in Information Management is to train myself for a career as a business analyst in the Information Technology industry. My long term objective is to venture into technology management consultation. I envisage myself leading a team helping organizations drive strategy through efficient technology management and planning. A Masters of Information Management in the College of Information Studies would be a crucial step in achieving my goal.

The dynamic learning environment offered by the College of Information Studies would broaden my horizons even further. Subjects such as Web-enabled Databases, User Interaction with Information Systems and Information Technology and Organizational Context, offered by the College of Information Studies would impart insight into business oriented technology in the field of communications and data warehousing. Moreover, the Team Experience provides the opportunity to work with students having like-minded interests; this will help in developing my leadership skills.

Since any relationship is a two-way channel, I feel that in my association with your university I too can contribute to graduate studies and the information field with my unquenchable thirst for learning new things and ability to translate knowledge into practice as well as my passion for the field. I believe that I can bring in innovation through my multidimensional thinking and stand out among a crowd of people with my sound technical as well as people skills. Extreme willingness to learn and tireless dedication will catapult me into the heart of IT and information management.

The College of Information Studies is a perfect choice offering the students to gain exposure to a diverse student body and world class faculty. The program has the perfect blend of technology and management courses. I believe that the program would prepare me to effectively use information technology to address business problems. Through your program, I wish to develop the expertise, cultural skills, and the global mindset essential for succeeding in the dynamic and diverse environments prevalent today. Furthermore I am sure that a graduate degree from a prestigious university like yours will arm me with the credentials required to face the industry and make the gamut of opportunities for me, endless!

EF_Sean 6 / 3460  
Jan 22, 2009   #2
You need to find ways to make the essay more interesting, so that it stands out from all of the other applications. You might start by revising your essay to deal more closely with the prompt questions. For instance, when addressing what you find most interesting in the information field, you might talk in more detail about what relationship you believe exists between information, knowledge, and power. (Hint: they are not synonymous, and the ways in which you believe one is converted into another would likely make for fascinating reading.) When talking about why you are interested in pursuing a degree, focus more on your reasons for taking the degree. For instance, at the moment, you start by saying "Having considered the programs offered by various universities in the United States, I found that the courses offered by College of Information Studies appealed to me, as it has the subjects that covered my primary interest for the Masters course." In other words, it appealed because you found the courses interesting, which is as much to say as it appealed because it appealed. The sentence, reduced to its essence, becomes a tautology, and tautologies are not interesting. Moreover, when you do give reasons, they are eminently practical ones -- you'll learn stuff. That's great, but you could learn stuff at other universities that offer similar degrees. Why are you passionate about attending Maryland? (If you aren't passionate about it, pretend that you are, and then write from that stance). On the bright side, your grammar and style are both strong, so once you tighten up the content, you should have a solid essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jan 23, 2009   #3
Since my early childhood, I had decided that I wanted a career in technology. After completing my high school, I decided to do a Diploma in Computer Engineering which would give me a base in both the hardware and software aspects of computers. During my diploma, I developed a liking for information systems and software, hence I decided to pursue a Bachelors degree in Information Technology.

Now after almost completing my Bachelors, I have set a goal in my mind to shape my career in the field of Information Systems.

Since any relationship is a two-way channel, I feel that in my association with your university I too can contribute to graduate studies and the information field with my unquenchable thirst for learning new things and my ability to translate knowledge into practice as well as my passion for the field.

The College of Information Studies is a perfect choice offering the students the opportunity to gain exposure to a diverse student body and world class faculty.

Just a few grammatical tweaks here and there.

Good luck!

:)


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