Essay:-
Since secondary school, I learned that determination was the trait that can get me where I want to be. My parents had always wanted me to be an accountant or economist. With my upbringing in an international school where I was taught to be independent, trying to pursue a career that I was interested in. I knew that I was interested in science, in particular Chemistry and Physics, which has taken me to do my undergraduate degree in Chemical and Bio - process Engineering and further Masters in Biotechnology. Eventually, over the years, having managed to convince my parents that this is what I really want, I have now decided to pursue my further studies by doing a doctorate degree in process engineering.
I attended the University of Bath in United Kingdom due to two outstanding reasons: the atmosphere of work with international students from all around the world and the school's industrial sandwiched program, which allowed me to have a year out in industry before graduation. To find myself more at home, I joined the Malaysian & Asian society. Before I knew it I was dancing for Afro Caribbean society. The four-year sandwiched course gave me the opportunity to work as an engineering trainee near London with National Starch and Chemicals. The industrial exposure and knowledge I gained during my internship incited me to arrive to the decision on a major in Chemical and Bioprocess Engineering in the final year.
Upon returning to Malaysia I decided to continue my education by pursuing a Masters degree. I was of the few pioneers to be offered a scholarship for Masters of Science in Biotechnology at the Malaysia University of Science and Technology, which integrated collaboration with Massachusetts Institute of Technology. With their intensive program of course work and research I received comprehensive trainings in both course work and experiments, allowing me to build up a solid theoretical groundwork and to develop strong hands-on abilities. Apart from devoting to course work and research, I worked as a part time librarian and research assistant under Dr Mou in developing a process for the extraction of amino acids from "Nato". I not only improved my research skill, which later helped me with my thesis but also cultivated good time management skills. Upon completion of the rigorous program I learned to be determined to work hard towards my goals and had greater self-confidence.
Malaysia having limited opportunities in the field of biotechnology, I took a job offer in Intel as a stepping-stone for my career. Intel, being a multinational company, is the best place for me to learn about high volume process development. As a senior process development engineer I worked on the research and development of microchip assembly. I was exposed to collaborating with specialists from various technical areas and people from multiple Intel sites, particularly from China and America. This gave me the chance to develop my team working and communicative skills. By leading the development of the next generation ultra mobile PC's microchip in the under fill area I was exposed to working in statistical process control, process optimization and characterization, run rate improvement, equipment and materials down selection and technology transfer. I lead several task forces to ensure a mature technology is transferred to multiple global sites on a timely schedule. By working on task forces I deepened my technical knowledge and developed my understanding on the fundamentals of the process. Understanding of fundamentals and essential building blocks of a particular problem incites my passion as it satisfies my curiosity. I became the strongest technical contributor within my group of ten and moved from the development to path finding for under fill processes.
In path finding I learned to deal with the challenges of bringing ideas to fruition by demonstration of proof-of-concepts under very stringent requirements. I have understood that data collection has to be effectively planned and executed in order to ensure that new technologies are matured by the time they are implemented for production. The R&D work has not only given me insights into problem solving but has also enabled me to learn how to organize my work and thoughts in a very structured and consistent manner. I approach a given problem with great persistence, which not only helps me to solve it but also gives me a better sense of self-satisfaction by deepening my knowledge. While working in path finding, I have written four technical Invention Disclosure papers. In order to bring these experimental ideas to practice, I used effective presentation and ability to influence higher management across sites. I gained self-satisfaction in my work by seeing the accomplishments I had achieved when my ideas are used in Intel products. Although I was not able to pursue my interest in biochemical sciences, my work in Intel for the last four years has been the most educational of my life. Working with Intel as a technical contributor, I realize that I enjoy the excitement of working in process development, which stimulated me to further my studies in this area.
I understand that further studies in bioprocess engineering and their implementations offer a great opportunity for more advanced investigations. With this I have arrived to the decision of pursuing a PhD. Thereafter, I contacted Professor Nam San Wang to express my interest in his research works in the area of Bioprocess engineering. I would like to use my theoretical knowledge in bioprocess engineering with my experience in process development, I wish to explore and increase my knowledge in this area by being a part of his research group.
Confidence in one's ability and innovation are indispensable in determining one's research and technical capability. My education background and my experience in industry have provided me with a good scaffold towards a successful career in R&D. My stint as a senior process development engineer has been both an enabling and enriching experience by adding a new dimension to my already accumulated knowledge. As an outcome I developed a thorough and deep insight into process engineering. I perceive getting a Ph D as a career advancement that would open doors for me to explore the field of my dream in R&D. With my learning's locally and abroad, a Ph D from UMD's strong engineering department in a diverse environment and would be the ideal next step in my career. It would nurture my technical skills and is key to achieving of my goals in establishing a career in research and sharing my ideas in the field of innovating technologies.
I am intrigued at the start because of your great writing, but I'll make some suggestions:
As far as my memory can take me, I remember living in a long wooden shop house(what do you mean by long, wooden shop house? check to see if there is a better way to say that... I don't understand!) along the bustling road of Penang Island. My family and I lived on the floor above the space that was considered as the office of our family business, which my father and grandfather worked hard (no comma necessary here) to run.
Okay, look at the first paragraph. You start by talking about the shop house and the hard work in business, but you end by talking about how "We maintain close ties with my mother's side of the family." What you should do is have a central idea that you state at the start and end of the paragraph. As far as my memory can take me, I remember an environment of hard work and family values. People in my family work hard in order to keep the family strong... open with that sentence or a sentence like it, and the rest of the paragraph will all fit with the main idea. The trick is to change the topic sentence to accommodate the paragraph.
Hey, the rest of your paragraphs, about the accomplishments of your recent past and your plans for the future, have very good clarity and structure!
Now.. agan in that last paragraph of the essay, it makes me think, "how did we get here? We were talking about family values and the family business at the start of this essay, and now we have forgotten about those topics completely.? Here is the special formula I give people for good writing:
one essay = one big idea.
Even though they ask you to tal about a few different things, unite those things under the umbrella of one big idea of which they are all components.
This is very good already! I am just giving this advice about the structure.
Hi,
Thanks for your inputs! Ive just made some changes to the opening paragraph to make it more cohesive with the conclusion. Ive also added some parts in the middle. Appreciate if you can let me know what you think on this revised version.
Thanks alot - appreciate your help!
Nital
