MS in Fish & Wildlife Ecology Statement of Purpose Help

I'm having trouble about what route to take with my statement for graduate school. My advisers that I intern for now at my school say to be concise and not talk much about myself as a person, just about how I will contribute to the school (1st essay). My gut feeling tells me to go with something more personal (2nd essay). I know I should do what someone who is involved in admitting graduate students says, but I'm worried after reading several other SOP that he may be the exception rather than the rule. Both of these are still rough as far as editing is concerned so I am mainly inquiring about content right now.

All schools are similar in requirements for statement: research interests, goals, experience, and why interested in department.

Impersonal, Adviser Recommended Style:

After switching my major from chemistry to ecology, behavior, and evolution, I eventually found an internship at Scripps Institution of Oceanography working on plant-plant and plant-arthropod interactions at the Tijuana River Estuarine Reserve. For the first few months I volunteered and sorted samples in the lab. After a few months of working with this research group, I began conducting an independent research project that, after preliminary data analysis, is looking to provide some exciting results. This internship and independent research project has shown me what working in the field collecting data and specimens, working in the lab sorting, and most importantly what the process of conducting primary research is like. The one missing link between the research I have done and the research that I hope to help conduct as a career is in the specifics of freshwater systems in the Western U.S., which is what I hope to obtain by gaining admission to Colorado State University.

My ultimate career goal is to obtain a position in a governmental or non-profit organization conducting field and laboratory work as part of a research team. My research goal in obtaining a M.S. is to conduct a study that will contribute to the knowledge in conservation and restoration of freshwater systems in the Western U.S. My main interests include ecotoxicology and the effects of deposition of atmospheric pollutants on freshwater systems, management and conservation of freshwater fishes and their habitats (especially Oncorhynchus spp.), and the use of GIS/GPS and quantitative methods in each of these areas.

I have done research in the field and know what I want in an ecological career, and I know that Colorado State University is the most appropriate place for me to acquire the essential foundation for a meaningful career in conservation and restoration ecology. Not only is your program highly regarded as one of the top fish, wildlife, and conservation biology curriculums in the country, but the Rocky Mountain Front Range is the perfect location to conduct research in my previously described areas of interest. Although there are other schools within the ecosystems in which I hope to conduct research, Colorado State University is by far my top choice when considering both location and quality of program.

I believe that I would be a good fit for the M.S. program in the Department of Fish, Wildlife, and Conservation biology for several reasons. I have taken a very non-traditional path for a student seeking to gain admission to a natural resources graduate program. Due to this unconventional path, I believe I have several unique intangible qualities to offer not only to your program, but to Colorado State University as a whole. The nine years that I spent in the Navy taught me maturity, independence, attention to detail, and the ability to handle several different tasks simultaneously.

My work at the Tijuana River Estuary gave me the basic ecological background necessary to step into many other ecological disciplines. My duties as a water quality monitoring volunteer and my sediment sampling experience while in the Navy also gave me familiarity with sampling and data collection techniques that I believe will carry over to the field techniques used in ecological research.

I am a hard worker with a steep learning curve. I graduated from one of the most difficult technical schools in the Navy, and achieved the pay grade of E-6 in just over six years, well ahead of the Navy average for making this rank. I also did very well at the San Diego Community College District while still working full time in the Navy for two years. Although I at first struggled at UC San Diego, my study skills and grades are now much improved.

Perhaps the most important of the qualities that I would bring to your program is real world research on an emerging invasive species in an endangered ecosystem. This research gives me a unique perspective when thinking about potential questions within the realms of conservation and restoration ecology.

Sum up....

More personal style similar to others I have seen:

During the last few years of the nine that I spent in the Navy, I started thinking about what I would do after my enlistment ended. Prior to joining the Navy I dreamed of being, and for a short while during high school thought I had a chance of becoming, a professional baseball player. I was in the midst of planning my triumphant return to the diamond when reality quickly set in. I was in my late 20's, had not played competitively for a decade, and was left with two worn out knees from walking on steel deck plates on aircraft carriers and submarines for nine years. Needless to say, I realized this was probably not going to work. Being an engineer in the Navy, the most obvious and direct choice for a career was mechanical engineer, but I was no longer interested in engineering as a career. A Navy friend of mine who was applying for pharmacy school convinced me that the high pay and general lack of physical labor that those in the pharmacy field enjoyed was the way to go. I gave this career significant consideration, and entered my first year at the University of California, San Diego as a pharmacological chemistry major. After volunteering in a local pharmacy, I realized that the day-to-day aspects of being a pharmacist did not appeal to me and that I was not truly interested in the field, only in the money. Even though I spent the better part of two years pursuing this career that I would eventually not attain, I do not regret this decision. The experience made me realize that to me, money was not the most important aspect of a career, and that physical labor is not necessarily a bad thing if it involves something you love to do.

I began thinking, if I could do anything without having to worry about money, what would I do? I had always loved animals and the outdoors. More specifically, I was fascinated by how the chemical, physical, and biological properties of an ecosystem interact, but wasn't exactly sure if there was a branch of science that was solely devoted to these questions, and if there was such a field, what it was called. While searching several university websites and catalogs, I began to learn about the interdisciplinary field of ecology and realized this was what I was really interested in pursuing as a career. After several weeks of reflection and discussion with my soon-to-be wife, I finally changed my major from pharmacological chemistry to ecology, behavior, and evolution in UC San Diego's Environmental Systems Division.

After obtaining an internship at Scripps Institution of Oceanography working on plant-plant and plant-arthropod interactions at the Tijuana River Estuarine Reserve, I began looking into specific ecological fields that I may be interested in when applying to jobs and graduate programs. As an avid camper, backpacker, and fisherman, I knew that I was interested in fish and wildlife ecology. Even though several family members suggested wildlife ecology, I knew that due to my love of being on, in, and around water, my heart was in fish and aquatic ecology. After reading some of the literature in fish and aquatic ecology, I have identified several topics in which I have significant interest: aquatic ecology, limnology, ecotoxicology and the effects of contaminants on aquatic environments, aquatic food webs, management and conservation of freshwater fishes and their habitats (especially Oncorhynchus spp.), and the use of GIS/GPS and quantitative methods in each of these subjects.

The alignment of my research interests with those in the ... Program will help me achieve my educational and career goals. I believe the applied nature of the program is a perfect fit for the type of position I hope to obtain. The location of ... and the classes offered by the ... are perfectly aligned with my ultimate career goal, which is to obtain a position as a crew member and/or leader performing field work for a governmental or non-profit conservation organization in either the Rocky Mountain or Sierra Nevada region. My main interests include aquatic ecology, limnology, wildlife population dynamics, ecotoxicology, management and conservation of freshwater fishes and their habitats (especially Oncorhynchus spp.), and the use of GIS/GPS and quantitative methods in each of these areas. The courses offered within the ... program, along with elective courses from the other disciplines will give me a solid background in natural resources management that will allow me to obtain a position in one or more of these interests.

I believe that I would be a good fit for the ... for several reasons. As you will see from my CV, I have taken a very non-traditional path for a student seeking to gain admission to a natural resources graduate program. Due to this unconventional path, I believe I have several unique intangible qualities to offer not only to the .... program, but to .... as a whole. The nine years that I spent in the Navy taught me maturity, independence, attention to detail, and the ability to handle several different tasks simultaneously. After speaking with several professionals and reading numerous job vacancy requirements, I believe these attributes are essential to perform the duties of a fish and wildlife ecologist.

My work at the Tijuana River Estuary gave me the basic ecological background necessary to step into many other ecological disciplines. My duties as a water quality monitoring volunteer and my sediment sampling experience while in the Navy also gave me familiarity with sampling and data collection techniques that I believe will carry over to the field techniques used in applied ecology. I am a hard worker with a desire to learn new things. I graduated from one of the most difficult technical schools in the Navy, and achieved the pay grade of E-6 in just over six years, well ahead of the Navy average for making this rank. I also did very well at the San Diego Community College District while still working full time in the Navy for two years. Although I did not do well at first at UC San Diego, my grades have been steadily increasing since changing my major from chemistry to ecology

Even though it has taken me more than a decade, I have finally decided what I want to do for the remainder of my working life. I do not regret any of the decisions I have made on the path to deciding to work in natural resources, as every step along the way has either added to my overall maturity and work ethic, or helped me realize what I do not want in a career. I am excited that I am pursuing not only a career that I will enjoy, but a career in which I will be contributing to the preservation of our country's natural heritage. The .... Program at ... will hopefully be my last stop on the way to a rewarding career as a natural resources professional.

Thank you in advance, Roy

I was ready to back you up all the way with the more personal essay, because I read these all day long and look forward to the more personal story type essays. In this case however, you have such a perfect and great essay the way you were advised to write it, and is every bit as interesting and personal as the second one, and sounds much better. One of the reasons for this, is because the whole first paragraph of the second essay makes it sound as if you really have no idea what you want to do, and even if you think you're sure now, it's still subject to change.

The second essay seems long and slightly confusing, though it does tell a lot about you. What you want though, and what they want, is to know what kind of a student you'll be. The first one is a little more business like, but still it shows how intelligent, mature, interesting, well rounded and serious you are. They'll know for sure that they'll be very lucky to have you as a student. The second one is great too, but they don't care what you did before so much as what you'll do at the school. I mean except for the parts about your intended studies. You'll be able to use the other essay some time though, but for this, I think you should heed the advice you've been given. Good luck with school, that sounds like a great and exciting profession. My dad was friends with Jacques Cousteau and worked in underwater construction, salvage, rescue, etc. and I spent much of my youth lying around in piles of rigging...I know how the sea gets in your blood. Good luck in all you do!

:)

Thank you Susan!
I used to watch Jacques Cousteau's shows when I was a kid. I'm sure your dad has some interesting stories about him.

How about the following paragraph at the beginning of the first essay. I just feel like it just starts out of nowhere.

During the last few years of the nine that I spent in the Navy, I dreamed of being a professional baseball player. I was in the midst of planning my triumphant return to the diamond when reality set in, and I realized this was probably not going to happen. Being an engineer in the Navy, the most obvious and direct choice for a career was in mechanical engineering. But I wanted to pursue something more meaningful, something that could lead to a better understanding of our impact on the planet and to preserve for future generations the natural areas that I grew up loving. This is why I chose to pursue ecology as a career.

I read it through a couple times, and I think you should wipe out the whole part about baseball. It really detracts from the part about your 9 years in the navy! The fact that you spent nine years doing anything, looks so great on a college app. It shows dedication, maturity, intelligence, etc. And the fact that it was in the navy makes it that much better! The part about baseball gives the impression that you still harbored a childhood dream or were kind of wishy-washy, if you know what I mean. How about like this;

As a Navy Engineer for nine years, I felt for a while that the most obvious and direct choice for a career was in mechanical engineering. But I wanted to pursue something more meaningful, something that could lead to a better understanding of our impact on the planet and to preserve for future generations the natural areas that I grew up loving. This is why I chose to pursue a career in ecology.