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I always found myself to be at the bottom, during high school. My SOP



dev311 1 / 4  
Oct 19, 2014   #1
Growing up, I always found myself to be at the bottom, during high school. Not in terms of my academic performance, I did relatively well in that. It was in terms of esteem and recognition. I considered myself to be the invisible student of the class. It was not until the 8th grade that I finally gained appreciation. I still remember the day when our class was introduced to Information Technology (IT). Within minutes, I got hooked on the subject and throughout practical hours I was one of the few students who could program in the C language. Shortly, I became one of the top 10 students in my class. Being passionate regarding the subject, I would always come up with innovative ideas for developing algorithms and was genuinely interested in solving complex unsolved problems. My passion for the subject made me choose computer engineering.

[...]

vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 19, 2014   #2
DS, please allow me to make some suggestions that will help you clean up the look and content of your statement of purpose. You will find my suggestions below.

Growing up, I always found myself to be at the bottom, during high school.

- I always found myself at the bottom of the social chain when I was in high school.

Within minutes, I got hooked on the subjectand throughout practical hours I wa s one of the few students who could program in the C language.

- ... hooked on the subject and surprised people when I became one of the few students who could program...

- DS, you have spent way too much time discussing your accomplishments as a student. While you did develop an interesting program, that is not the focal point of a statement of purpose. Instead, you should be talking about your future plans and how your masters studies fit into that quest. Talk about your future program development and and how the university can help you accomplish your future goals. That is the kind of information that makes an effective statement of purpose. Just skim over your educational attainments and projects, an in-depth discussion is not necessary because those are past achievements. You should be looking towards and discussing your future plans instead.
OP dev311 1 / 4  
Oct 20, 2014   #3
Thank you for your suggestions! I really appreciate them. I made some changes, what do you think of this? Its still missing something! Frankly, I don't have good writing skills and English isn't my first language! Anyways...here goes....

[...]
OP dev311 1 / 4  
Oct 21, 2014   #4
Updated it again! Pl. go through it, if possible! thanks in advance

I always found myself at the bottom of the social chain when I was in high school. It was not until the 8th grade that I finally gained appreciation. I still remember the day when our class was introduced to Information Technology (IT). Within minutes, I got hooked on the subject and surprised people when I became one of the few students who could program in the C language. Shortly, I became one of the top 10 students in my class. Being passionate regarding the subject, I would always come up with innovative ideas for developing algorithms and was genuinely interested in solving complex unsolved problems. My passion for the subject made me choose computer engineering.

As an undergrad student, I have worked on several projects that included working in technologies like Java, PHP and Android application development. I have also done three internships in firms that provide services in the fields of Security and Surveillance, Mobile Application Development and Project Management Consultancy. These internships have helped me gain career-related work experience which is highly crucial in a competitive job market. My internship experience has also exposed me to professionalism and has allowed me to observe how skills and ideas must be applied in the real world. My dream in life is to develop my experiences and knowledge in such a way that would benefit the society by working in an organization wherein development takes place every day through innovation. I turn to the University in the hope to satisfy my ambition to have a competitive edge in the job market. I look on the core curriculum as an excellent way to gain interdisciplinary perspective and build a sustainable base for future endeavours. Getting involved in discussions with the class, along with working in a group or working in the community by taking part in the volunteering programme, will aid in enhancing my CV and also create an ideal academic and social setting for growing into a truly mature learner.

Having already obtained a degree in computer science, masters in Information systems would complete my education in the wider areas of computer science along with management. A degree from the university would showcase the world that I have the requisite generic skills and advanced specialist knowledge in the subject. I would obtain the opportunity to progress quickly in my career into senior management posts. I have spoken to my professors and seniors concerning my choice of school and have applied since, not only is Sheffield a grand place to study, the University of Sheffield is highly regarded for its teaching and research facilities. The department website revealed that the school is ranked top for high-quality services, better social life along with a famous student union. I appreciate the rigorous acceptance process, with the small amount of applicants entering the program yearly, I can trust that I will receive the best quality of graduate training possible. Consequently, this has strengthened my resolve to study at the University of Sheffield. I bring along a stronghold of fundamentals in computer engineering, an aptitude for innovation and cooperation, an enthusiasm for challenges and an ambitious desire to learn all I can. I wish to acquire, in addition to knowledge of Information systems, a network of strong and lasting relationships with my teachers and fellow-students. Ultimately, after obtaining a Master's degree in IT Management, I aspire to utilize my skills to provide technical solutions to business enigmas. I hope that my background and qualifications would be found suitable for an MSc in Information Systems at the University of Sheffield.
vangiespen - / 4077  
Oct 23, 2014   #5
Dev, some edits for you to consider.

I look on the core curriculum as an excellent way to gain interdisciplinary perspective and build a sustainable base for future endeavours .

- I look at the core ...futureendeavors .
- Always double check your spelling. Use spellcheck whenever necessary and be mindful of the differences in American and British English spellings of the same word.

A degree from the university would showcase the world that I have the requisite generic skills and advanced specialist knowledge in the subject

I have spoken to my professors and seniors concerning my choice of school and have applied since, not only is Sheffield a grand place to study[...]

- This is a problem among many app essays. Do not tell the admissions officer about information he already knows about the university. Instead, tell them how you plan to take advantage of the reputation, abilities, and student offerings of the university.


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