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I never pictured myself attending high school in Florida; UF Essay- High school journey


daviss96 1 / -  
Oct 27, 2013   #1
This is my somewhat final essay draft for the University of Florida application. Any comments/critiques would be appreciated! Thank you!!

In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your ideas about student responsibility, academic integrity, campus citizenship or a call to service

I never pictured myself attending high school in Florida. I was more than content with living in North Carolina amongst my friends and peers that I had known since elementary school. Unfortunately, my parents had different plans for me. We moved to the Sunshine State the summer before my sophomore year of high school.

I was cranky and upset as my parents showed my brother and I our new home. It didn't feel like home to me. I hated the idea of winters with no snow and autumns with no color. I was pessimistic about beginning a new school year with teenagers I didn't know and teachers with whom I had no relationships. My attitude hindered me at first. I had a difficult time making friends and adapting to the new environment- which was way too hot and humid. However, I refused to let this experience get in the way of my studies. I am a hardworking and dedicated person no matter what the circumstances. I challenged myself by taking Advanced Placement and Honors classes. I joined academic clubs, such as French Club and FCCLA. Slowly but surely, with support from my family, I broke out of my shell. I came to realize that my school had much to offer.

My change in attitude allowed me to connect with my peers and pursue my interests. One of the best decisions I made while in high school was to take Advanced Placement Psychology. The class was eye-opening and I quickly came to the conclusion that I had a desire to learn more about the subject. There is a plethora of concepts in psychology and much is yet to be explored. Why do some people do what they do? Why do some people think what they think? How can I further my understanding of these questions and how can I contribute to the field? I put my best efforts forth in this course and all my hard work paid off; I passed with flying colors.

The experience I have gone through will greatly affect my college life. I have learned to fully appreciate what comes my way and to take hold of any opportunities presented to me. Being a student at the University of Florida will be a transition that I am more than happy to make. Joining the Gator community, pursuing my passion of psychology, and meeting new people are things that I truly look forward to.

Enceladus 2 / 2  
Oct 29, 2013   #2
I think you should remove the sentence that starts with "I am a hardworking...".
I am not sure on the last two sentences either..
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Oct 31, 2013   #3
I never pictured myself attending a high school in Florida.

My attitude hindered me at first. I had a difficult time making friends and adapting to the new environment- which was way too hot and humid.

My attitude troubled me at the beginning and I struggled to make new friends and adapt to the new environment, which I found too humid.

However, I refused to let this experience get in the way of my studies. I am a hardworking and dedicated person no matter what the circumstances

However, being a hardworking and dedicated student, I didn't want this experience to let my studies go astray.

The class was eye-opening and I quickly came to the conclusion that I had a desire to learn more about the subject.

why was it an eye opening?
Also, I like if you said more about how you turned around and started seeing things in a new light.


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