'health-care related major' - statment of purpose in mpa

please help me to evaluate this statment of purpose and any thing wrong feel free to tell me thank u in advance

Being in health-care related major has been a second nature to me since my childhood. One of my earliest memories involves me being around hospitals, as my mom was pregnancy miracle with three twins. She was living the dream of having three kids in the same age. It was a long struggle story for her at the same time; she was desperately trying to find the necessary medical assistance. It was even getting harder and harder with time as the developments of the three fetuses are increasing dramatically. My mom used to have lots of health related problems with her pregnancy of three twins and she was never able to find the required health care at the right time that she always needed. Sadly; she delivered the three twins after 7-months of pregnancy and they all died right after the delivery because of the lack of necessary scheduled health-care before and after the delivery.

From my frequent trips to the hospital, I was keenly aware of the negative effects of poorly experienced hospital management and badly managed health-care systems on people around me. Nevertheless, these games triggered my fascination with health related majors and health-administration. Years later, I have worked my way through to join one of the best and most competitive health majors which is dentistry. Dentistry school was one of the highly recommended majors in which I could combine health, care, science and management. My undergraduate years were full of enthusiasm, ambition, and love of offering help to others. One of the most inspirational courses ever in my undergraduate work was the one in which it required us to perform a health-care needs assessment of a group of poor rural part of the society. The course required us to perform a medical needs assessment of the population based on self-reported health database, and to propose a health budget and program that would successfully target these needs to be submitted for ministry of health. I was able to apply the principles of the public health administration to design a medical needs evaluation program. Although program development is simply one component of public health administration practice, this requirement of the course sparked my interest in the field. In addition, I felt this course fulfilled my strongest desire to impacts others life in a positive way and to take more responsibilities in community based studies. After graduation I organized an international day of the health of teeth and mouth, a free day, in which we go to rural area in my country to educate and improve awareness of the students, their teachers and the families about importance of dental health.

Joining the Master in Public Health program will be a crucial step towards my dream to contribute to public health research and practice. It will be a turning point: from aspiration to practice, from rough ideas to formal research, and from good wishes to professional and scientific career. I hope I can bring some ideas to the table and I am sure I will leave with many. This program will be the beginning of the fulfillment of my constant desire to help a large number of people in one of the most essential qualities of their life; their health that is.

Since I grow-up with the belief that we must work hard and to get to where you want to be in the future, goals needs to correlate with actions. I belief that attending MPA program in university of Toledo, as one of the best universities in the area, will provide me with the theoretical and practical foundation to fully realize my professional and personal goals; I hope that the admission committee will give me the chance to pursue my educational life dream.

I guess you have described too much in your first paragraph. the last sentence of the paragraph is important and nice. but you could edit & make it compendious.

Thank you so much for your advice but i want to ask all needs editing or just the first paraghraph also how u evaluate. It out of ten?

suhajehad...I don't think I am good enough to judge your essay.

but I can suggest you what I feel.. you can restructure your first paragraph... and I am pasting the 2nd paragraph. but still I suggest you to ask more experienced people as I am new here.

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I hope this helps you some way...Good Luck!!