Need help of self making recommendation letter (Rashuna University)

Hi, I am going to send some applications for an Graduate admission program.

My lecturer told me to make my own recommendation letter for myself, and he would check it latter. Please kindly correct, elaborate, or give critics to the letter below.. thank you

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TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
I am writing to you in support of Mr. Gray and his desire to attend Rashuna University for the Master Program in Informatics.

I have been teaching for 12 years and have advised approximately students on independent research projects over the last five years. I first met Mr. Gray when he asked me to became his advisor in developing a small simulation system in GSM laboratory in which he had done exceptionally well.

The first thing that I see from Mr. Gray is that he he has a good analytical skills of any person his age that I have ever supervised. He has a bright intellegency, and he is capable of working independently just by telling him a few basic steps. He is also capable of elaborating and extending several main points for the final project that had been given to him. The best example of his intelligency is that he is capable of independently finish his final project faster beyond the limit time given.

For several reasons that I have mentioned above, I enthusiastically offer high recommendations for Mr. Gray. It is my hope that you will accept his admission to your university. Feel free to contact me if you require further information

Sincere,

Lecturer

i think it is very short, make it atleast double in size... also add a few anecdotes.
it seems very standard and would not help in your reco in any way unless u include a few good anecdotes

Here is a version that eliminates many of the grammatical errors found in the original:

I am writing to you in support of Mr. Gray and his desire to attend Rashuna University for the Master Program in Informatics.

I have been teaching for 12 years and have advised approximately ___ students on independent research projects over the last five years. I first met Mr. Gray when he asked me to became his adviser in developing a small simulation system in the GSM laboratory, a project which he has now completed with exceptional skill.

Mr. Gray is has the best analytical skills of any person his age that I have ever supervised. He is an intelligent, articulate, independent worker who proved capable of elaborating on and extending several of the main points involved in his final project, while still finishing it well ahead of schedule.

For all of the aforementioned reasons, I enthusiastically recommend Mr. Gray as an applicant to Rashuna University. It is my hope that you will accept his admission to your university. Feel free to contact me if you require further information

Thank you for the replies,

I somehow do not understand about how to make anecdotes in this content. So the condition is that my lecturer assisted me while I was doing a research for +/ 6 months, I believe that what can be commented would only about me doing the research.. Does anyone could help me to elaborate it with annecdote or how to elaborate it in better ways ? (in formal positive ways)

I tried to put some new lines..

I have been teaching for 12 years and have advised approximately ___ students on independent research projects over the last five years. I first met Mr. Gray when he asked me to became his adviser in developing a small simulation system in the GSM laboratory, a project which he has now completed with exceptional skill. I teached Master program subjects only, so most of my students are graduates and Mr. Gray is one of the fewest undergraduate student who decided to do a research under me.

Not like many other students who are not too sure what to achieve, Mr. Gray has made a step forward in his decision by deciding to pursue a higher degree in his young age, especially in the same field like his educational bachelor background. To this end, he has decided to pursue a higher degree, to have a deeper understanding in his education. I who have personally had an doctorate education in Germany before, believe that Mr. Gray would be a suitable person to elaborate his education in this country, which has a good environment in research.

For all of the aforementioned reasons,...

*thanks for the feedbacks

With anecdotes, the idea is that you tell a story (from you professor's perspective) about a specific class or discussion that you two had that would demonstrate some of your really good qualities.

I'll try and discuss this with my professor.. but before submitting, could anybody give any feedback for the new more lines that I added above? thanks

I first met Mr. Gray when he asked me to become his adviser in developing a small simulation system in the GSM laboratory, a project which he has now completed with exceptional skill. I teach only master program subjects, so most of my students are graduates, and Mr. Gray is one of the few undergraduate student who decided to do a research under me.

Unlike many other students who are not too sure about their aspirations , Mr. Gray has made a step forward in his decision by deciding to pursue an advanced degree (despite his young age) especially in the same field as his undergraduate background. To this end, he has decided to pursue a higher degree in order to acquire a deeper understanding in his subject . I who have personally experienced a doctorate education in Germany before , and I believe that Mr. Gray would be successful whil e taking his education in this country, which has a good environment for research.