"a human being born into a life of poverty, anger.." - Social Work letter of statment

I am having difficulty writing my letter of statement for graduate school - I have written a ton of stuff on many pages for the last couple of weeks but within this last hour, I came up with this. I feel as though it is choppy and does not flow - I'm hoping to get some feedback before I continuing on my writing journey :).

Thank you ahead of time!

Throughout this country there is a common misconception that a human being born into a life of poverty, anger or pain has very little to contribute to our society. It is believed that the social construction of what it means to be a different race, gender or ethnicity will somehow weigh down an individual's opportunities in life and ultimately restrict them from making positive decisions. With a firm belief in equality I find these misconceptions hard to believe. I have confidence and faith in saying that every child born into this world is much more than a product of their surroundings; they are part of our world as a whole. As many children are shaped by the negative circumstances in which they were born, it is my duty as a future social worker to help lead these individuals on a search to find their purpose and engage in a more promising and fulfilling future.

I stand by the promise of equal opportunity toward a better and educated life and I strive to live up to the potential of this promise. As a future social worker it would be my honor and sole duty to guide the children of our nation toward the life they merely dream of. Foster kids, children of abusive parents and homeless adolescents who yearn for a taste of a more 'normal' life is what leads me toward a path of social work. I am dedicated to making a difference and be the mentor who works hard, struggles and commits her time at addressing the issues that keep others oppressed.

As a child I always figured everyone around me lived in a world much like my own, where alcohol, anger and spite ruled above all. Where running away from an angry father was typical and smelling the alcohol in the breath of my grandmother was common. It wasn't until I started viewing the world with much more knowledge and confidence that I realized my life did not have to be the weight that kept me from succeeding. I learned to use my life as a stepping stone to get from a mentality of mere struggle to a world of comfort and ease. I have been faced with many challenging moments in my life that have questioned my ability to achieve success and each time I have reached for my morality and come out a better person. With a wonderful family by my side, I have learned to use my faults and all my pain as a way of living a different life. A good friend once told me that the world can be viewed as nothing more than beauty and joy and the tiny effortless gifts provided throughout life can guide us in feeling the truth to life.

As a student of a high school where the gap between excellence and failure separated our school as a whole, I learned early on that education and status played a major role in the way our society treats our youth. With my future goals lying in the hands on our educational system, I plan to make a difference in the way many of our students are educated. With a good education and confidence in learning, each of our students can succeed in different areas.

Living in a border city and being a volunteer for several organizations I have become aware of situations involving the deportation of immigrants. My major concern lies in the matter of what happens to the citizen born children who belong to immigrant parents who get deported back to their home country. This life changing event has been found to be detrimental in the lives of the children who get left behind. It is not right for the children to pay the consequences for the actions of their parents and of our system. They deserve an educated life and they deserve the same opportunities that are presented to every other member of our society. With positive conviction toward a brighter future for these youth, I want to dedicate research, time and effort in searching for an easier process involving the separation from their parents.

Always take out any unnecessary words:
Throughout this country t There is a common misconception that a human being born into a life of poverty, anger or pain has very little to contribute to our society.

It is believed that the social construction of what it means to be a different particular race, gender or ethnicity will somehow weigh down an individual's opportunities in life and ultimately restrict them from making positive decisions. ---I don't really like this sentence, because it repeats the idea from the first sentence.

... to help lead these individuals on a search to find their purpose and engage in a more promising and fulfilling future.--This is very nicely written.

I stand by the promise of equal opportunity ---Another powerful sentence... great paragraph.

I have to take out a word, or it is a run on sentence.
...and spite ruled above all. Where Running away from an angry father ...

You have to balance the emotion with some research. Show that you are not just emotional, but also intellectual. Show that you have been considering various approaches to social work, counseling, etc. If you are having trouble, it is because of a lack of raw material. The raw material for your essay comes from the excellent books and articles you read. Cite some, and express your plan. Give details about your intentions and what you have been reading. :-)

Thank you very, very much for this helpful information.