Need input of MS Environmental Studies Statement of Purpose - graduate program

I am hoping to get into the graduate program at San Jose State University. I am having a hard time with my statement of purpose and am looking for feedback. I kind of fizzle out at the end and get writers block.

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coast redwood restoration

Humans are fixers by nature, it seems we must have our hands in everything. There is a trend emerging in the restoration field that forests need human intervention to reach their full potential. Organizations that have historically been about preserving coast redwood forests are shifting to a model that encourages selective harvesting. It is my fear that the protected coast redwood forests in our state will soon be targeted. The goal of my thesis research would be to provide meaningful data to better understand how these forest types recover after logging events. It is my hope that my research can help land managers better understand what their role should be in the recovery process.

My love for the environment started at a young age, wandering around and exploring what nature had to offer. Once in high school, I stumbled upon an opportunity to volunteer at a science camp in the Santa Cruz mountains. It was there that my passion grew and intertwined into who I am as a person. I volunteered, for four years and over 1500 hours, leading primary school children through the forest teaching them about the importance of preserving these natural ecosystems. From then on, I knew I wanted to pursue a higher education in Environmental Studies.

I started my college studies at a local community college right out of high school. I juggled working full-time and school for a few years. Ultimately, I took on a higher paying position in the telecommunications industry and put my education on the back burner. Eventually, the company outsource and I found myself getting ready to welcome my daughter into the world unemployed and without a degree. After my daughter was born, I really began to reflect on the environmental issues we face and how they would impact my daughter and her future children. I decided I needed to make finishing my degree a priority for both her future and mine. I returned to San Jose State determined to finish my BS in Environmental Studies with a concentration in Energy.

I came back to San Jose State with a different mindset. This was not just school it was mine and my daughter's future. I strived for perfection in every course I took, earning recognition as a Dean's Scholar for my academic achievements. Despite having a concentration in energy, I found my projects gravitating towards a different field, forest conservation and restoration. One project I particularly enjoyed was in a course I took on Environmental Resource Analysis with Rachel Lazzeri-Aerts. I was inspired by her graduate work on survival and recovery of coast redwood forests following fire and wanted to focus my project on coast redwood forests as well. My researched centered on coast redwood tree density in old growth versus second growth forests. I wanted to know which forest type sequestered more carbon. In completing this project and many others during my undergraduate course work, I gained experience in research writing as well as in various types of data analysis.

When doing research for many of my undergraduate projects one author seemed to always come up in my results, Dr. William Russell. I found his research on coast redwood restoration through naturally recovery as well as his research on indicator species of coast redwood forest health particularly intriguing. My interests in Dr. Russell's research led me to his course on forest ecology and conservation. This course provided me with a strong background in the issues we face in preserving these rare forest types as well as just how much we still do not know about them. Dr. Russell's passion and drive to protect what little coast redwood ecosystems we have left has really motivated me to help close the gap in knowledge. To help close this gap, I would like to pursue a Master's of Science degree in Environmental Studies at San Jose State under the guidance of Dr. Russell. After completing the Graduate program, I would like to pursue a doctoral degree in hopes of being able to teach at the colligate level in the future.

I think your idea is good but you need to pay enough attention about your writing style. Sometimes, I find it hard to follow your ideas because of complex sentences.

Don't write too long sentences because they distract me. Besides, you should re-read your statement and find out other ways to simplify your ideas.

Alyssa, your essay is all over the place. It is not focused on becoming an SOP, Rather, you developed a Study Plan essay. Set this aside for future use. In case the university asks you to create a study plan, you just have to edit the content of this essay to be a little more responsive and you will have an effective study plan. In the meantime, work on creating a more appropriate SOP. Let me see if I can help guide you through that maze.

Since you are now applying for admission to an MS degree, there is an assumption that you have completed your university studies in Environmental Studies with a concentration on Energy. From this point, the opening statement of this essay must indicate that you have been working in this field for X number of years already. Then, it should explain what frustrations you have in this line of work and what problems you are facing which you seem incapable of handling at the moment, based on your previous training.

The next paragraph should clearly represent what your overall learning was during your college education in this field. Then add information about any seminars or training that you completed as proof of continued learning and training in this field. These information will help to establish that you have a solid foundation in Environmental Studies in relation to your profession.

Proceed with discussing how you came to be attached to your current employer, what your current position is, and where you hope to take your career after you complete this MS course.

Then explain why you chose X university and this particular MS course among all the other universities that offer the same course. What do you hope to learn? From whom? What will your focus be on in terms of actual problem solving? You can provide a summary of your masters thesis in this paragraph.

Close the essay. Reiterate your availability to attend the university during the upcoming semester. Make sure to review and proof read your essay before you submit it.

By completing the instructions above, you will create a more comprehensive statement of purpose for presentation along with your other application documents.

thank you both for your input. @ Holt, I am graduating with my BS in Environmental Studies in May and if accepted, will be starting the Master's program in the fall. My current work does not relate to my academic goals as it's just a part-time job to get me through college. One reason I'm going after an advanced degree is because I am finding it hard to break into the field and most want at least a MS.

The prompt given by the department for the SOP is as follows:

A Two to Three-Page Statement of Purpose (SOP), in PDF format, that briefly describes the student's relevant background, goals, and objectives for seeking the Master of Science in Environmental Studies degree at SJSU. The SOP should indicate the proposed area of focus for thesis work and specific faculty members that the student might wish to work with.