The intro for my SOP for masters in AI

statement of purpose

Hey Guys,

Could you help me select the intro for my SOP.

'Too many people but none to talk to'. Citing this problem, researchers across the globe have been working on ways to make a machine more empathetic and ethically right so people suffering from mental health can tell their problems without the fear of being judged. This intersection of Human Psychology and Computer Science is called Affective Computing. I explored this phenomenal research field while reading an article from Psychology Today and it ignited my interest in pursuing research in this field. Today as I write this application, I feel immense joy taking a step ahead towards my dream.

or this one

(There I was surfing the web, reading an article from Psychology Today, amazed by how varied emotions this brain of ours is capable of feeling. The amusement was not even over yet when Google customized its feed as per my last searches prompting me to take diagnostic tests for my mental health. Though intrusive, it was enthralling to observe how Artificial Intelligence (AI) could predict my behavioral state and even suggest what I should read next. This observation ignited my interest in pursuing research intersection of - Human Psychology and Artificial intelligence, (Affective Computing) )

(each version must be in a separate thread; the Contributor will comment on one of them only)

@Ritika_sharma
To me, the first one seems more personalized and "humanized." Although in both I feel there is awkward phrasing. Th sentence "The amusement was not even over ..." seems very clunky.

You have misunderstood the prompt for the SOP. A purpose is not the same as an explanation of the course you are interested in. Which is what you did in your introduction. You have explained what AI is all about and how it applies in real world usage. This is not the same as your purpose. Your purpose should not be based upon the work of others. Rather, the purpose should be based on your own interests and passion. You have to present an opening statement based on a personal aspect such as a work situation where you discovered that AI has more potential than is currently known, an idea that will further the use of AI in a manner not yet known, or a reason to believe that there is an aspect of AI that you are not very well versed in at the moment. Your presentation will be weak and unimpressive when you rely on researched material for your introduction. It lacks an interesting statement that might make the reviewer gain an interest in your potential as a masters degree student. There is no passion in your presentation, only information from other sources. It makes the presentation uninteresting. Always assume that the reviewer is familiar with the topic and that any information you present, coming from other sources, or talking down to him by explaining the meaning and uses of AI will only irritate him because it does not provide an immediate take on your purpose. All of these reasons will be enough for him to not consider your application seriously at that point.