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JHU addmision essay about business leader.



panpan123 1 / 2  
Oct 29, 2018   #1
Business leaders have the ability to create opportunities, build products and systems, and inspire others to action. Please describe a time you created an opportunity, built a new product or system, or inspired others to act. The example you provide and elaborate upon may come from your professional endeavours, academic pursuits or civic engagements. (300-500 words)

my leadership experience



I once had an experience of building a team. When I was a sophomore, the organizations where I studied IELTS and GMAT have high-quality education but had poor performance marketing due to their unawareness of students. Meanwhile, there are too many educational institutions for students to choose the most suitable one. So, I came up with the idea of why wouldn't to build a bridge between educational institutions and students with using my relationships and social network. Then I negotiated with one company, the negotiation process was complicated, but using what I learned from Business communication course, I analyzed the competitive disadvantage, and how would I bring the advantages of me to solve their shortcomings. Finally, we reached an agreement that if I could ensure to increase profit by 50,000 RMB, he would give me 20% commission. Thus, I created a business opportunity as a bridge between students and institutions. The advantage is that I am the person who have a better understanding of targeted customers.

After creating this opportunity, I contacted 4 class cadres with passion, eloquence and keen senses of marketing trend, and invited them to have a cup of coffee with me. Ironically, in the beginning, everyone did not take this matter seriously and was going to refuse me, and three of them just came only at the thought of being polite. During the coffee meeting, I shared the vision and mission of our team. I told them that not only the IELTS and GMAT but also Accounting Certificate and Graduate-study admission exam

Institute would be our future partners. Moreover, Dalian educational institution market like these lacked campus ambassadors like us, and this is a precious opportunity. Also, I can use my social network to provide them with many valuable internship opportunities. I also analyzed and encouraged their career development, positive college life, as well as their parents' financial pressure relief. Finally, the last four excellent college students came into my team.

We began to plan the market, respectively responsible for management (me), finance, human resources, planning activities, activity implementation, and after-sales. Established a team rule, activity implementation plan, and strive to achieve the goal of 50,000. We held a seminar in cooperation with Citibank, held a one-minute lab and other interesting campus activities to attract more than 100 customers. I often hold meetings and group building activities, such as renting a villa for a night, or barbecuing on the beach, and having brainstorming sessions. I know very well that in a campus team, when the team members are immature children, according to the knowledge learned in school, man-management style should be relationship drive instead of task drive. I give my members enough love and care. Gifts and CARDS, moon cakes and zongzi, are sent as gifts by me during the festival. Also, give everyone a 13 percent commission and another 5 percent for team building. Later, our team expanded to 20 people and earned over 600, 000 RMB for the organization.

During this period, I also encountered untold hardships. There were imitators as competitors who wanted to poach the planners in our team. The organization did not fulfill its promises and gave no commission, including the contradiction between human and financial departments. There is some dilemma when we had no performance for a month. As a manager, what I did at that time was to inspire the team members with the failure experiences of other successful people and Challenged the accepted ways of doing ways. Only through trials and hardships can we have rainbows.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15369  
Oct 30, 2018   #2
Zhao, this was a grammatically problematic, but almost perfect essay for the prompt. I was willing to overlook the grammatical issues as that is easily overcome by proper editing skills. However, the fact that you discussed this promising project as a failure for yourself towards the end defeats the promise that the essay initially held. This type of prompt is asking you to speak of your total successes, not partial success with a focus on the failure of the project. Your story held promise because of the leadership shown through the created opportunity and the method by which you inspired others to action.

However, when you said that you did not receive your commission, this showed a failed project on your part with regards to created opportunities. A true and effective leader would be successful all the way, not just part of the way. I am hoping that you will be able to change the story you are sharing here to one that shows a total success on your part so that the essay will totally embody the required ability to create an opportunity, inspire others to action, and had a positive result for both you and those you inspired in the end.
OP panpan123 1 / 2  
Oct 30, 2018   #3
dear Holt, thank you so much for your sincere advice, I learn a lot from your comments. I'll delete the last paragraph and improve my grammar. Hope you have a nice day.


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