I'm sincerely ask for your valuable suggestions on my statement of purpose for Phd in finance. Thank you for your help!!!!
Confronted with complex dynamics of economic environment, businesses put an increasing emphasis on corporate financial management. Meanwhile, personal finance becomes more important and relevant to our daily life. As a bridge, financial institutions not only permeate people's life but also control the vital business arteries and, eventually, the entire economic systems. Exposed to such a business world, I feel strongly that it is necessary to equip myself with a set of quantitative and analytical skills to tackle real problems and, if possible, to advance the frontiers of the domain. This motivation greatly drives me to pursue a doctoral education in Finance. Without any doubt, such an invaluable education will prepare me to carry out independent research and be an effective college educator.
My undergraduate degree was in Financial Analysis, which primarily focused on macro/micro economics, statistics, financial and managerial accounting and quantitative analysis of investment methods. In addition to providing the basic concept of theories, these subjects also offered me the threshold of quantitative tools. By recognizing the significance of these courses, I endeavored to absorb the essence and fundamental approaches. With an aim to broaden my perspective and prepare for further academic advances, I decided to study for an MBA in a U.S. college first. Frankly speaking, college life in American is quite different from that in China, nevertheless I have adapted to the new life quickly and new ways of thinking as well. The fruits of my efforts considerably prompted me to extend my intellectual capabilities and exploit my potential to the greatest extent.
Furthermore, constantly influenced by my uncle, who is a professor of finance and has published lots of research papers in various academic journals, I have followed his footsteps and determined my long-term goal-engaging in a research position and devoting to an education career, while a Ph.D. degree is the only standard path to fulfill this goal.
I would like to join Krannert and indeed the Purdue community, not only because of the supportive, nurturing atmosphere, but also because of the world-class research environment and distinguished doctoral program that focuses intensively on the theoretical models and their empirical application. Moreover, corporate financing is an area I would like to explore. Specifically, I am attracted by Professor Denis David's current research topics such as the determinants of dividend policies and the reasons for managers to avoid dividend cuts. I am certain that the ample data and resources provided by your rigorous doctoral program and the quantitative and analytical methodologies directed by your leading faculty will equip me with every tool necessary to succeed as a professor of finance.
My career objective is clear, my study motivation is strong, and my language and quantitative skills are well-built. All of these, I believe, can guide me to get through your rigorous program.
The overall themes of your essay are great. You point out your strengths and make a good argument for your academic quality.
I think you can make some small style improvements to tighten up you're message. I'll give general tips with a couple examples. The recommendations I give are just an example of a more precise style to use.
-Avoid qualitative phrases. They force your sentences into awkward structure.
"Confronted with complex dynamics of economic environment, businesses put an increasing emphasis on corporate financial management."
Try something like: "To meet the growing complexity of the economic environment companies increase their emphasis on..."; This is more direct to you point.
-Try to avoid adverbs. They tend to be awkward and sloppy. Also avoid saying "I feel" or "I believe", these phrases add uncertainty, and express a lack of confidence. It's already clear that this essay expresses what you feel and believe.
"I feel strongly that it is necessary to equip myself with a set of "
Try something like: "It is necessary to equip myself with..."
-Brake your sentences down to their fundamental ideas. Then check if those ideas are clear in your sentence structure. Trim out unecessary phrases to sharpen your point.
"Furthermore, constantly influenced by my uncle, who is a professor of finance and has published lots of research papers in various academic journals, I have followed his footsteps and determined my long-term goal-engaging in a research position and devoting to an education career, while a Ph.D. degree is the only standard path to fulfill this goal."
"Try something like: My uncle influenced me to pursure this career in academia. He was a sucessful professor of finance and I have followed in his footsteps by setting my goals for a research position. I am motivated to earn an Ph. D. towards that end."
Overall content is strong, but I'm not thrilled with your conclusion. The tone is fine for finance, though you should avoid the phrase "frankly speaking" unless you are about to say something most people don't dare to say (and even then it sounds trite.)
This doesn't make sense:
"...my long-term goal-engaging in a research position and devoting to an education career"
Do you mean to say that you want to teach and do research? If so, say so directly.
Thank you guys!! Your suggestions are great!
I come to realize the point of short and simple sentences. But please forgive me to raise more questions.
"Try something like: My uncle influenced me to pursure this career in academia. He was a sucessful professor of finance and I have followed in his footsteps by setting my goals for a research position. I am motivated to earn an Ph. D. towards that end."Certainly,it's more clear, but could it be too simple?
"Frankly speaking"
can I say"To be frank" or "Admittedly"?
"...my long-term goal-engaging in a research position and devoting to an education career"
how about "engaging in research activities and being a productive educator"?
Now I want to add one more paragraph at the beginning of my statement to make the essay more personal. As follows:
" My motivation for applying for admission to a finance Phd program is a desire to explain the business world through academic endeavors. I am intrigued by how finance contributes to complex economic situations and how the volatile nature of the economy is reflected through basic principles. As a nature extension of this interest, my career goal is to be a research-oriented education scholar." Please feel free to make comments on this paragraph.
Again, thanks for your advice,which helps me a lot!
"Frankly speaking"
can I say"To be frank" or "Admittedly"?
Why? Why not just say what you are saying without a prefacing phrase? The fact that college life in the United States is different than in China is self-evident and widely known. Why introduce the statement as if you were saying something that is usually not admitted?
thank you, EF_Simone,that makes sense.
Well, I want to add some transition words to make paragraphs more coherent.
