Hi all! I am a little new to EssayForum, but could REALLY use some feedback! I am tied up at the thought of writing a personal statement for law school. I wrote one a year ago that I loved then, but don't like now. I tried to write a new one, but it doesn't have the amplification I felt the other one did (that one was a little more graphic on the childhood thing, and a little less detailed on why I would like to be an International lawyer), but this one is definitely more focused. I know it conveys that I would like to go to law school, but I want it so bad I can taste it (and am hoping they can't smell my desperation!)
Any critiques would be great, especially from people who are either going through the same thing, or have already gotten into law school.
Thank you so much!! Here is the essay:
The daughter of a heroin addict, I consider myself lucky to have survived my childhood. My mother too had struggled with cycles of abuse in her own youth, and while I am fortunate enough to have never looked back, abuse is something from which my mother will never escape. Her notions of family life lead to an inevitable failed marriage which ended on Easter of 1996.
It took me several years to realize that abuse is not as common as I had believed. Once I realized this, I dedicated myself to helping people in similar situations. I helped feed needy families, volunteered time with the emotionally and physically disturbed, and even served as a student crisis intervention moderator. I decided quickly I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I felt my vast understanding of family abuse would serve as the perfect conduit to self-recovery in others... until I enrolled in my first psychology class.
My psychology professor was brilliant, but I felt that what I had expected psychology to be and what it really is are not the same. My psychology experience left me feeling lackluster, and while I knew psychology was not my forte, I did not know where my niche was.
I was introduced to the social justice in my Legal Research class. My professor, Judge Jenson, decided that the easiest way for our class to learn would be hands on application. It was during this class that I was able to participate in my first mock trial; we covered everything from the research, to the presentation, and eventually the prosecution. I succeeded so well in my studies that I eventually transferred to a traditional four year university: Bethel College.
In addition to Criminal Justice, my original major, Bethel allowed me the opportunity to pursue a Bachelor's Degree in Humanities, which gave me the insight to the motivations behind the way the field works in conjunction to the framework that is the social justice system.
Attending Bethel, I have worked with a plethora of people from diverse socio-economic backgrounds. I have met with people from Argentina, studied from professors native to Uruguay, and even assisted drives to raise visas for Islamic minorities. The cultural diversity has only enhanced my worldly views which is why I am now interested in pursuing a Master's Degree in International Law.
This academic drive is paralleled only by my drive to succeed in the work force. I have worked for the South Bend Center for the Homeless for almost a year and a half, and what began as a college externship has quickly escalated into a love for helping others succeed where statistics argue they should not. While the world is not perfect, and the Center can not help everyone, I have seen the difference in human life that one positive situation, contact, or person can make.
I am seeking enrollment in Harvard Law School because Harvard has one of the best international law school programs available. I plan to proudly serve my country overseas as an attorney for the United States Embassy combating women's rights in Israel, and human rights in the Congo. Working in such an environment demands a deeper understanding of International Law than most law schools can currently offer. Harvard offers not only an LLM in international law they offer the experience, tradition, and education it will take to be effective in my field. I will bring with me a point of view not often seen, a dedication that is unparalleled, and a commitment that is unfailing. I have fought too long to simply survive- it is my time to live
Any critiques would be great, especially from people who are either going through the same thing, or have already gotten into law school.
Thank you so much!! Here is the essay:
The daughter of a heroin addict, I consider myself lucky to have survived my childhood. My mother too had struggled with cycles of abuse in her own youth, and while I am fortunate enough to have never looked back, abuse is something from which my mother will never escape. Her notions of family life lead to an inevitable failed marriage which ended on Easter of 1996.
It took me several years to realize that abuse is not as common as I had believed. Once I realized this, I dedicated myself to helping people in similar situations. I helped feed needy families, volunteered time with the emotionally and physically disturbed, and even served as a student crisis intervention moderator. I decided quickly I wanted to be a psychiatrist. I felt my vast understanding of family abuse would serve as the perfect conduit to self-recovery in others... until I enrolled in my first psychology class.
My psychology professor was brilliant, but I felt that what I had expected psychology to be and what it really is are not the same. My psychology experience left me feeling lackluster, and while I knew psychology was not my forte, I did not know where my niche was.
I was introduced to the social justice in my Legal Research class. My professor, Judge Jenson, decided that the easiest way for our class to learn would be hands on application. It was during this class that I was able to participate in my first mock trial; we covered everything from the research, to the presentation, and eventually the prosecution. I succeeded so well in my studies that I eventually transferred to a traditional four year university: Bethel College.
In addition to Criminal Justice, my original major, Bethel allowed me the opportunity to pursue a Bachelor's Degree in Humanities, which gave me the insight to the motivations behind the way the field works in conjunction to the framework that is the social justice system.
Attending Bethel, I have worked with a plethora of people from diverse socio-economic backgrounds. I have met with people from Argentina, studied from professors native to Uruguay, and even assisted drives to raise visas for Islamic minorities. The cultural diversity has only enhanced my worldly views which is why I am now interested in pursuing a Master's Degree in International Law.
This academic drive is paralleled only by my drive to succeed in the work force. I have worked for the South Bend Center for the Homeless for almost a year and a half, and what began as a college externship has quickly escalated into a love for helping others succeed where statistics argue they should not. While the world is not perfect, and the Center can not help everyone, I have seen the difference in human life that one positive situation, contact, or person can make.
I am seeking enrollment in Harvard Law School because Harvard has one of the best international law school programs available. I plan to proudly serve my country overseas as an attorney for the United States Embassy combating women's rights in Israel, and human rights in the Congo. Working in such an environment demands a deeper understanding of International Law than most law schools can currently offer. Harvard offers not only an LLM in international law they offer the experience, tradition, and education it will take to be effective in my field. I will bring with me a point of view not often seen, a dedication that is unparalleled, and a commitment that is unfailing. I have fought too long to simply survive- it is my time to live
