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"Master program in International Finance" - Motivation Letter help


nathanalgren 1 / -  
Jan 7, 2011   #1
The first draft, here I go. I wrote this at work, and it is far from being even okay, but it is a start. I hope with the input of you, it will get even better.

Thank you.

Hello,
Could you please take a look at my motivation letter below? It is the first draft. I believe with your help, we can make it way better. Quick info about me;

GMAT-710
GPA-2.43
TOEFL-103
So I need a very good letter to show them my GMAT score reflects my ability more than my GPA score does  I wanted to add information about that I was working all the time during my first years in the college, which is why my GPA is low, but I didn't know how to phrase that. And in my last year, I wasn't working, I passed 21 classes in one year. (normally one year load = 10-11 classes)..

Dear Sir/Madam;

I am writing to express my interest in your Master program in International Finance. My career goal is to work in a reputable investment bank or in the treasury departments of an international bank.

In high school, I graduated with Mathematics, Chemistry and Physics as my majors. In 2003, I took the university entrance exam that everyone must take in Turkey and I was in the top 125 people among 1.6 million people. I was accepted to a very selective Integrated BS&MS program in Teaching Mathematics of Bogazici University. In the August of 2010, I graduated from the university and since August, I work as an assistant supervisor in the Commercial Loans Allocation department of Finansbank AS.

My interest in finance started when I was in High School because of my uncle. I remember watching the graphs of stock prices all day without getting bored even one bit. Due to the difficulties in career prospects in finance in Turkey, I haven't applied any universities for studying finance after high school. However, during my years in the department of Education and Mathematics, I realized that I do not want to be a teacher. I worked in different sectors such as sales, marketing, teaching, web design and photography as an intern or part-time worker to see what I want to do with my career.

Eventually in the summer of 2009, I voluntarily started to work in the Credits department of Finansbank AS, a part of National Bank of Greece. That was the turning point in my future plans, as I felt very happy and comfortable with the job. I was the only intern to receive a full-time job offer among the four interns, even though all of the other interns were studying Economics or Finance in a university, and I was not.

I graduated from the university on the 18th of August and I was already employed on the 16th of August by Finansbank AS. Finansbank has one of the best training opportunities in banking sector in Turkey. I had two months in class training in finance, banking and communication, and one month internship in different departments of the bank to see how the things work. Since the beginning of November of 2010, I am evaluating the loan requests of the firms which come from the certain 18 branches of Finansbank in Turkey.

I want to study at University of Amsterdam because of your excellent teaching facilities and staff. Moreover, the curriculum of the MIF program is quite parallel to my ambitions as I want to gain a broader view in finance and to improve myself in investment banking, financial modeling and management. I spoke to a few people who studied in this particular program and the feedback that they gave me about the quality of education and career opportunities was more than satisfying.

The high living standards of Amsterdam and the fact that Amsterdam is one of the world's leading financial centers are the two of many reasons of why I would like to study and live in Amsterdam. In addition to this, the fact that most people speak English in the Netherlands and the diversity that Amsterdam possesses are just two of the key factors that can make life easy for a newcomer.

Considering my ambition and background in Finance, I am confident that I can exceed your expectations. Furthermore, I believe that my knowledge and experience in Education, Mathematics and Sales will bring diversity and a different point of view to your class.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your acceptance.

Sincerely yours
rezataher 1 / 7  
Jan 9, 2011   #2
It's better to join some middle paragraphs.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Jan 9, 2011   #3
In the August of 2010, I graduated from the university and since then, I've been working as an assistant supervisor...

My interest in finance started when I was in High School because of my uncle. ---This sentence seems incomplete.

... in Turkey, I haven't applied at any universities...

... communication, and one month internship in different departments of the bank to see how the things work.

The high standards of living in Amsterdam and the fact that Amsterdam is one of the world's leading financial centers are the two of the many reasons of why I would like to study and live in Amsterdam.

Good luck in school and have fun!!

:)


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