It may be silly for many if I return to a poor country after graduating from world class university

Describe your motivation and commitment to return to Africa after graduation and outline a brief proposal detailing your plans for when you return to Africa.

It may seem silly for many if I return to a poor country after graduating with a sought-after accolades from such world class university. For me, it is the best way I can satiate my yearning of giving back. Of course, there are difficulties and adversities. However, I believe "Where there are more problems, there exist more opportunities." I will use every unmet needs I observe as chance to challenge my creativity and entrepreneurial mindset. It is not my plan to live where I will be only addition to thousands others but where I can make great positive influence on the lives of millions.

After graduation, I will be conducting advanced research projects for prospective business ideas while resuming my graduate studies and working in local industries to shape my knowledge into Ethiopian and African realities. I will explore the flora and fauna to use them as raw material for production. I will be focusing especially about how to produce traditional Ethiopian food and drinks industrially. For example, the legendary Ethiopian meal, Injera and Tej take so much time for Ethiopian mothers to prepare. Producing them modernly and economically is like having the whole Ethiopian families as customer. It also will reduce the workload on many women if the homemade meals can be produced with their 'homie' taste for cheaper price.

After having the research results, I will propose business plans and engage local and international investors. Then I will start my own new start up. With the entrepreneurial skills I will get at your university by the MasterCard Foundation Scholarship Program, I will grow my small start-ups into a large multinational branding company across Africa. A company that may produce products to keep the health and beauty of my people, products to cure the illness of sick people, products to feed millions of poor, products to provide energy for many in the dark and so much more. This ultimate dream of mine is what keeps my deepest zeal awake every day and what motivates me to return to my homeland after filling my arsenal with the essential weapons.

Hello Harvyesui, I have some suggestion for your motivation essay

1. It will be greater if you mention your background or your experience. For instance, because you said you will focus at entrepreneurial aspects and build start up, so you must emphasize it with your past experiences that relates to your future plan. So, i hope the interviewer or the scholarship committee will know that you already have many experience that will become added value to your personality.

2. Timeline. I ever join future planning training, and the trainer said it is extremely great if your future plan have time, means, you said in 2020, or in 2030, or in five next years, because you will look more good arrangement for your future plan. With the time frame, people who read your essay can imagine well, and it is more structurized compared if you don't mention your timeline.

All in all, good luck for you :)

Tad Bel, you need to re-think about the first sentence of your essay. Even though you didn't say that returning to a poor country is a silly idea, the reader will think that you unconsciously support it. A person who has great nationalism towards their own country would never think that way. My suggestion is that you can just alter or rephrase that sentence to be like this:

- Returning to Africa upon completing my study would bring significant impact towards the country.
As you can see, you can just try to be directly address your good intention towards your own country since the very first sentence of your essay. Also, what I can see is that your essay is quite convincing at first, but when I read the whole essay, some repetitiveness on your idea development distract the reader's concentration. It is unfortunate that you mentioned "I will.." a lot in this essay. Try to paraphrase those sentences into some forms of active and passive sentences. Furthermore, "I will.." is also inappropriate for a planned-future idea. I think that "I am going to.." is the most appropriate expression to state a plan. Try to check again on grammar book if you are not really sure about this.

Hope this helps :)