Why MBA, why Goodman? Comments for The Statement of Interest - application for MBA

I would like to apply for the MBA of Brock University.

A statement of interest is required for the application:
In one page, please let us know why you want an MBA, why you are interested in Goodman, what you will bring to the program and what your short-term and long term career goals are.

Could you please have a look of my statement of interest and kindly advise?

Thanks!

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Statement of Interest for MBA (ISP) Application

Pharmaceutical industry is one of the biggest markets in the world, pharmaceutical companies are becoming more vigilant about marketing strategies to successfully market their products.

After working for 5 years as marketing executive in a local pharmaceutical trading company mainly selling nonprescription drug, I decided to pursue a higher professional practice in a multinational company. Thus in August 2015, I have joined a multinational pharmaceutical company specializing in the development and marketing of human medicine in the treatment of infertility, prostate cancer, ulcerative colitis and antidiuretic hormone deficiency. As a product specialist, I have been responsible for the sales and marketing in two therapeutic area - Urology Oncology and Gastroenterology.

I have always been passionate about participating in making a difference to people's health and quality of life. I feel proud when I could introduce the new formulations or dosages of drugs to healthcare professionals. Within a year, I successfully enlisted a new injection for prostate cancer to Macau market, which the enlistment process could be as long as 30 months. The enlistment has enabled Urologists and Oncologists to offer a better treatment choice that could also lower their risk of cardiovascular disease for prostate cancer patients.

Working as a sales and marketing role, I always aim at being the brand manager who is able to undertake the process of branding and positioning in pharmaceutical industry, a scientific driven market. In long term, I would further pursue my career as global brand marketing manager, leading regional marketers with tools and resources to leverage global brand campaign across regions with efficiency.

Brock University Goodman School of Business MBA (ISP) appeals to me because I am well aware of the aspects of marketing in pharmaceutical industry and recognize that it is often a complexity intertwined with compliance, licenses, operations and finance. Goodman MBA emphasizes on partnership and collaboration, which are essential for pharmaceutical marketing that always involves liaising with governments, regulatory and health authorities closely related to the development and marketing of drugs. I believe I could acquire theoretical principles of marketing, marketing strategies and marketing management skills from this MBA (ISP) marketing stream program in order to make marketing decisions in the context of general management. I am confident in making an impact in my career benefiting both the pharmaceutical industry and society.

Brock University provides an engaged community of students and professors and I am capable to accommodate to Brock's environment. With high level of commitment and active involvement with classmate and professors, I am willing to share my marketing experience as to enrich classroom discussions for Goodman MBA.

Hi Emily! I think you've done a good job of answering everything in one page, but I think that you could cut down the information about your past. If you do this, you'll have more room to add something to the essay that responds to the prompt, since you don't need to expound on your history and previous accomplishments. The majority of your essay focuses on past experiences instead of answering the questions, which is unnecessary. I get that you want to provide a framework of understanding as a foundation for your goals, but you are losing the chance to expand on those goals.

Look at the difference here:

.. nonprescription drug medication. ..in sales and marketing, I always aim at to being the brand manager who is able to undertake excel at the process of branding and positioning within the pharmaceutical industry, a scientifically driven market. Where are the short term goals?In the long term, ...

I think you also need to explain more specifically why an MBA would help you achieve these goals. You say what skills you would get from the program, but not how the skills will help you achieve these goals. I think you have a good start, but it needs to be cleaned up, tightened, and checked for grammar and punctuation.

@ Hiddengrace

Thank you for your advice.
I will revise the statement.

May I know if there are other grammatical mistakes in my statement?

Thanks!!

Emily, don't worry about any grammar problems in your essay. The reviewer knows you are not a native speaker and will allow or compensate for any minimal errors in your writing. However, the reviewer will not compensate or understand why your reason for studying an MBA is not clear in the essay.

Consider that you are asked a very specific question, "Why do you want an MBA?". That should be responded to in the first paragraph of your opening statement. Rather than giving a lengthy background of your employment history, pick out the moments during your history that gave you difficulties. Relate these difficulties with the fact that you lacked ample training in Business Administration and then tie the two together as the reason why you want an MBA.

Your interest in Goodman does not really deliver a personal interest in the university. The description is so short that it almost seems like you do not have a personal interest in the choice of university. Neither does it show what kind of criteria you used when choosing your MBA university. That is what the reviewer wants to read, a detailed explanation of why you chose Goodman over the others.

The essay does not have any representation of your short and long terms goals. The short term goals have to do with your career plans immediately after completing your studies. Anywhere from 3-5 years will suffice. While the long term goals should include any details of your future study and career plans covering a 10 year period. So that means, the 5 years after you graduate from Masters School. The long term plans can be hypothetical. The reviewer just wants to be certain that you will actually finish the MBA course and that it ties in with your future career plans.