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My motivation letter for Master of Economics scholarship


Please help me to check it. In this motivation letter I have to answer the following questions:
- reasons for your interest in economics program and UQ university
- Summary your activities as evidence of this interest
Thank you so much for your time !!! (and sorry for my english, too, I am not a good writer)
...
Dear Selection Committee for the UQ Economics Scholarship at the University of Queensland:
My name is Nguyen Xuan Lam. I would like apply for the Vietnamese scholarships at the UQ School of Business and the program "International Economics and Finance".

My career motivation has a great connection with my hometown - Mekong Delta. When I reached the last year of high school, I read an article about the rapid growth in foreign investment and trade in Mekong Delta and started to fall in love with the great contribution of international trade to the economics and life conditions here. Therefore, I decided to choose Foreign Trade (one program of Faculty of Economics) as my major. More than my expectation, I not only learned about international trade itself but also known the variety of aspects to economics and their close relation to our lives and things that affect our lives.

I believe that my strong motivation towards economics can be illustrated by a strong academic background, including an excellent degree in Foreign Trade, a rank in top 10% of the course and many scholarships and academic awards. For example, when I was in third year, I won the First Prize of Wilmar Agro Award- the very first business and economics competition for Can Tho University third and fourth students. This was a great opportunity to apply my theoretical knowledge from the Macroeconomics class on contextual real situations. In addition to my academic achievement, I also give time to extra-curricular activities by being in the Executive Committee of the class Youth Union with the main responsibility was organizing extra-curricular activities for my class. Those activities made me the only student on my course that achieved both excellent GPA and excellent grade in extracurricular activity.

In August 2011 I defeated more than 4000 contestants to accomplish the Second Prize of the 15th Econ Students contest which the final round was broadcasted live on the national channel. Complementing to leadership and presentation skills, Econ Students also gave me the chance to improve my knowledge on the factors affecting economic performance and the role of governments. After that, Ben Thanh Land, one of the main sponsors of this contest offered me a Marketing Executive position right before my final semester. Considering it would be useful to get some working experience before going further on the way of academic, I managed to start working while doing my thesis at the same time. Six months working for the real estate sectors in a downturn economic helps me to realize the increasing demand on knowledge of economics and finance issue, in this case, the economics policy's affection on the property market and other related industries.

To be frank, I did not find myself suitable for the marketing position at Ben Thanh Land. In fact, I still had a lot of concern about the economic development in Mekong Delta. Despite being benefited from some undeniable comparative advantage conditions, Mekong Delta remained one of the less-developing parts of Viet Nam. It had reinforced my strong motivation to contribute my skills and capabilities for the enhancement of the economy in Mekong Delta. While I still believed that foreign trade is the key to this area development, I also thought that other factors such as finance and a deep research on economics principles were also critical. As a result, I decided to resign and continue to seek for higher education specializing on international economics and taking some extra courses in finance if possible.

I want to study my master program at The University of Queensland's School of Economics because of your outstanding research programs, especially the great support of the professors towards students' studying process. Moreover, your institution also offers the program that match perfectly with my demand: International Economics and Finance. From speaking with students from your university and other Aunstralian universities, I am very confident of my decision.

Given my past academic achievements and awards, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. Moreover, I believe that I can make good use of my knowledge gaining from this program to benefit my hometown.

I thank you for your consideration, and I am looking forward to your reply.

I THINK THIS IS A WELL PUT ESSAY MAKES ALOT OF SENSE AND FLOWS IN ORDER PERFECTLY!!!GREAT DIRECTION.
CORRECTION: "The University of Queensland's School of Economics because of your outstanding research programs,"...try not to say your and use their because your talking about the school not necessarily to the school on your behalf like your proving a point on why you want to go there but what IT has to offer so try to stay away from using YOUR its too direct.
Sep 6, 2012   #3
Thank you so much for your comments mariam almasri , I am glad that you like my letter ^^ !!!
Anyway I think there is something wrong about the grammar (but I cannot figure it out), anyone please help me to check the grammar aspect >-<

Thanks in advance
Sep 6, 2012   #4
There are a number of grammatical mistakes that you need to correct, for instance i feel such a statement as "More than my expectation, I not only learned " would be presented as, "Beyond my expectations. i not only got to learn about...but also..." Just a pointer, otherwise the essay build up is fine.


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