Please do help me go through my essay, any comment would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Kazeem from Nigeria.
"To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." These words by E.E. Cummings have been the driving force of my life since I first ever read them.
The plan was very simple and seemed to make all the sense, go to the university, come out with good grades, get a good job in an oil company, work for about 30 years, retire and travel around the world. Yes a good plan, but yet lacking that essential core, no legacy, no giving back, and definitely no standing out from the crowd.
I might have continued with this plan, had fate not interfered, and dealt me a terrible blow, I got into the university, studied the course of my choice, had a fun filled time while doing it, and then came out with a GPA of 3.49 of 5, in my school, that is a second class lower degree, suddenly I could not enter for the oil company jobs, because they would only accept first class and second class upper degrees. All the plans gone awry, my dreams down the drain, my life in peril.
That is what lead to my entrepreneurial life, the grade totally discouraged me from getting other jobs, and they were not the jobs I wanted. So I started a website development company with a friend (XXX Ltd). We did quite well with the business, having built about 50 websites, and made use of different technologies to meet customer demands, and also plenty failed methods of doing business under our belt.
It has been 8 years since I left the university, quite experienced at building websites, but there is more to computing, than websites. I have started and failed at 5 startup ideas, and currently working on new idea (XXXX), it has become apparent that I need to broaden my scope, get abreast with the latest in technology, and network with more experts in the computing field from diverse cultures. I also realize that United Kingdom is one of the best countries with an international reputation for innovative education, leading edge, practical research, and high ranking in the world. I know that when it comes to quality education, I have no doubt that [University of XXXX] is the appropriate one for me, since it provides the right academic climate and a unique mix of educational advantages, thus, I would like to continue my studies in your university to further improve my future prospects and my professional life.
I am a person with a very creative personality. Along with my passion for software development and programming, I like writing poems and short stories, I also believe I have strong organizational and management skills. For the past six years, I have been in charge of handling the customer support, and project management for the projects for the company. This has given me a valuable experience in effective time management and development of interpersonal skills. If am not in front on the computer writing codes you would find me on a basketball court, in the swimming pool, or enjoying sights from my Suzuki S650 motorcycle.
The ability to learn quickly has been one of my strong qualities. I believe that my enthusiasm to improve my knowledge and skills in the field of computer science and software development can be fulfilled by studying masters in computer science program at your university. I have thoroughly read the program details and the courses covered and I strongly feel that this is the perfect program that can help me achieve my goal. My coursework along with my extensive Computer science background will allow me to function well within this program. I have many ambitions for myself as I embark on this stage of my life. I believe that a graduate study will provide a milestone in my career along with invaluable experiences and skills that will allow me to become a successful, innovative professional.
I look forward to join your University as a graduate student at your esteemed department.
Thanks.
Kazeem from Nigeria.
"To be nobody but yourself--in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else--means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." These words by E.E. Cummings have been the driving force of my life since I first ever read them.
The plan was very simple and seemed to make all the sense, go to the university, come out with good grades, get a good job in an oil company, work for about 30 years, retire and travel around the world. Yes a good plan, but yet lacking that essential core, no legacy, no giving back, and definitely no standing out from the crowd.
I might have continued with this plan, had fate not interfered, and dealt me a terrible blow, I got into the university, studied the course of my choice, had a fun filled time while doing it, and then came out with a GPA of 3.49 of 5, in my school, that is a second class lower degree, suddenly I could not enter for the oil company jobs, because they would only accept first class and second class upper degrees. All the plans gone awry, my dreams down the drain, my life in peril.
That is what lead to my entrepreneurial life, the grade totally discouraged me from getting other jobs, and they were not the jobs I wanted. So I started a website development company with a friend (XXX Ltd). We did quite well with the business, having built about 50 websites, and made use of different technologies to meet customer demands, and also plenty failed methods of doing business under our belt.
It has been 8 years since I left the university, quite experienced at building websites, but there is more to computing, than websites. I have started and failed at 5 startup ideas, and currently working on new idea (XXXX), it has become apparent that I need to broaden my scope, get abreast with the latest in technology, and network with more experts in the computing field from diverse cultures. I also realize that United Kingdom is one of the best countries with an international reputation for innovative education, leading edge, practical research, and high ranking in the world. I know that when it comes to quality education, I have no doubt that [University of XXXX] is the appropriate one for me, since it provides the right academic climate and a unique mix of educational advantages, thus, I would like to continue my studies in your university to further improve my future prospects and my professional life.
I am a person with a very creative personality. Along with my passion for software development and programming, I like writing poems and short stories, I also believe I have strong organizational and management skills. For the past six years, I have been in charge of handling the customer support, and project management for the projects for the company. This has given me a valuable experience in effective time management and development of interpersonal skills. If am not in front on the computer writing codes you would find me on a basketball court, in the swimming pool, or enjoying sights from my Suzuki S650 motorcycle.
The ability to learn quickly has been one of my strong qualities. I believe that my enthusiasm to improve my knowledge and skills in the field of computer science and software development can be fulfilled by studying masters in computer science program at your university. I have thoroughly read the program details and the courses covered and I strongly feel that this is the perfect program that can help me achieve my goal. My coursework along with my extensive Computer science background will allow me to function well within this program. I have many ambitions for myself as I embark on this stage of my life. I believe that a graduate study will provide a milestone in my career along with invaluable experiences and skills that will allow me to become a successful, innovative professional.
I look forward to join your University as a graduate student at your esteemed department.