"the oil industry" - SOP for graduate studies in Petroleum Engineering

Hi to all, this is the first draft of my SOP for graduate admission for a MS in Petroleum Engineering, would you be so kind to review it and give me some feedback? For some universities it has to be shorter, so I'm trying to make more concise. Your help is greatly appreciated.

My first approach to the oil industry happened during my last year of college when I assisted to several presentations from the major oilfield services companies, where the exciting lifestyle of working at the oilfields and the crucial role of oil and gas as energetics were emphasized. It was not until this moment that I felt curious and enthusiastic about a career in oil and gas; an industry I consider to be a major player in the economy of many contries and the sole player for others.

After graduating from ITESM Monterrey with a major in Electronics and Communications Engineering in December 2005, I got my very first job as an IT Analyst, nonetheless I still had my mind set to getting a job in the oil industry, a goal that soon materialize as I was recruited by one of the leading oilfield services companies.

For the past five years, my career has developed in a variety of different environments, from desert to countryside to jungle, I have worked and trained at Libya, the United States and currently Mexico; each one of them has contributed with valuable elements to my development and has challenged me in different ways, among these are working with different nationalities and different idiosyncrasies, dealing with situations posing great pressure and stress, where a bad choice or lack of focus can compromise the outcome of the job, and mainly keeping myself focused on a continuos professional and personal development.

While working at the Mexican southeast I reached a milestone in my professional development as I engaged on a project consisting of seven months of research and extensive field testing in order to implement a new technology in pipe recovery and assess its reliability. During this project I identified and helped to correct certain flaws in the technology, which ultimately translated into savings for the company and a quantifiable benefit for the client.

Having worked at an oilfield service company for most of my career, my training has focused mainly in well logging and perforating, certainly a very interesting area, however I find myself in a moment in which it is imperative for me to acquire a wider knowledge on petroleum engineering in order to broaden my development options and later on focus on reservoir engineering, an area that fascinates me due to the tight relationship between the technical and the economical sides.

Getting admission into the MS in Petroleum Engineering program at XXXXX means to me that I might get the chance to work with and learn from renowned professors such as XXXXX and XXXXX whose research in Reservoir Engineering and Enhanced Oil Recovery is recognized throughout the industry. In addition, I am positive that the university's networking will undoubtly give me an edge on landing a technical and managerial position in an major oil company, either in Mexico or abroad.

Furthermore, thanks to a new business model for PEMEX, the Mexican oil industry is on the verge of experiencing major changes, the biggest one being the opening of the territory to other operators. I am certain the MS in Petroleum Engineering will provide me with the necessary tools to face the challenges of the new Mexican oil industry, and to be an active part during its transition in the upcoming years.

I am highly motivated and ready to take on the MS in Petroleum Engineering at your institution and I will do this in a participative and committed way. I also strongly believe that my international experience in the field will be a good ingredient to the class mix.

Thanks in advance.

correct:
"when I assisted to several presentations from the major oilfield services companies, "...assisted? do u mean that u attended these presentations so helped/assisted in preparing them ...this phrase is confusing so make it more clear

Right you are, "attended" would be right one, thanks for pointing that out. Any other comment? on content perhaps? weak, strong, etc. please feel free to criticize.

... year of college when I assisted with...

Getting admission into the MS in Petroleum Engineering program at XXXXX means to me that I might get the chance to work with and learn from renowned professors such as XXXXX and XXXXX whose research in Reservoir Engineering and Enhanced Oil Recovery is recognized throughout the industry. ---Excellent! But be more specific. Do not refer generally to his work; refer to something unique about it that you can only know if you have read what he has written.

I am highly motivated and ready to take on the MS in Petroleum Engineering at your institution and I will do this in a participative and committed way.--I believe you! This is a hell of an essay, very impressive.

I also strongly believe that my international experience in the field will be a good ingredient to the class mix.--Again, be more specific. Sharpen that spearhead.

You also need a razor sharp sentence at the end of that first paragraph. Tack a great sentence onto the end of that paragraph. Let it be a sentence with a truly interesting concept that the reader will associate with you. :-)

el0te
"Having worked at an oilfield service company for most of my career, my training has focused mainly in well logging and perforating, certainly a very interesting area, however I find myself in a moment in which it is imperative for me to acquire a wider knowledge on petroleum engineering in order to broaden my development options and later on focus on reservoir engineering, an area that fascinates me due to the tight relationship between the technical and the economical sides.

Getting admission into the MS in Petroleum Engineering program at XXXXX means to me that I might get the chance to work with and learn from renowned professors such as XXXXX and XXXXX whose research in Reservoir Engineering and Enhanced Oil Recovery is recognized throughout the industry. In addition, I am positive that the university's networking will undoubtly give me an edge on landing a technical and managerial position in an major oil company, either in Mexico or abroad."

--> This is the part where things get complicated. Your background is in the well logging and perforating. But you want to have a graduate research on reservoir, which is to me, as a reservoir engineer, a very different background.

I suggest that you change the term of reservoir engineer and make it reservoir characterization and modeling. The latter part is more representative for you a solid background to apply for graduate level.

By the way my perspective may be not true, just giving a perspective.

Thanks to everyone, I really appreciate all your comments, will get to work on it right away. I am positive I will have a stronger essay once I put all of your suggestions on paper.