Prince of Qatar Anecdote- An International experience essay for Foster Bschool

An optional essay where I can express some aspects of my profile not mentioned in other parts of my MBA application

I was shocked on learning that my council president for the International Model UN conference is a son of the King of Qatar. Even though I have greeted Qataris I was nervous as I never greeted a Qatari royal before. Should I wish him 'As-salamu-alaykum' with the two cheek to cheek kiss, as expected when we meet royalty ? Luckily before I leaned in for the kiss, the Prince greeted me with a handshake. An awkward moment at a public event was averted. We then discussed briefly the agenda for the council following which he said wants to see what I can contribute to his council.

[...]

Interesting take and viewpoint! I think you did a good job elaborating and expressing your thoughts about your meeting with the Prince of Qatar. I think your writing tone is profound and reflective of the qualities you can offer to the Foster Bschool. Your tone gives me the impression that you are a mature and respectful person in regards to international business and more. From reading this essay, sounds like you'd be a great team player and leader.

I'm not able to give very much constructive feedback at this time, but on a scale of 1-10 for writing (10 being the best), I'd give it a 9. So, you are definitely on the right track.

Actually, a 10

Vincen, in this particular essay, you discuss how your experience in dealing with various nationalities helped you to open your mind about certain issues, some of which could be considered taboo in your own society. I feel like the essay would be better improved if you gave us a sample or two of how this mindset has affected you as a person. For example, how has dealing with these nationalities influenced you point of view about religion, gender issues, and the like?

I really do not feel like dealing with the Prince of Qatar has any true relevance in this essay. Although it was an effective hook at the beginning, it somehow lost its connection with the rest of the essay midway and it did not find its way back. While I know that you consider that to be a highly important event in your life, your dealing with various nationalities, when properly explained, also proves how you have learned, on your own, that even people with differing cultural norms can get along. If you want to retain that part about the prince, you should make a definite connection between him and the essay. Perhaps he said something along the lines of not wanting to be treated as a royal and wanting to discuss all topics, regardless of his country's culture and tradition. If he showed and spoke of a great deal of respect for the cultures and norms of other nations, then we can probably better connect his story and importance to your essay.

We also need to cut down on the essay content. It is extremely long at the moment and requires a word editing in terms of count. Do you have a maximum word count for this paper? If you can let me know what it is, maybe we can work on meeting the requirement in a more polished sort of way :-)

Thanks a lot for the quick response.

"For example, how has dealing with these nationalities influenced you point of view about religion, gender issues, and the like? "

I have some experiences that I think can be used . I will list two below

1.Playing cricket with Pakistanis taught me that I shouldn't make sweeping generalizations about them because of the 60 years of enmity between our nations. We do not hate each other and many of the hate is

2. My European boss lives with her partner for many years in a steady relationship . She calls him 'her hubby' even though they aren't married. I appreciate her relationship even though in my culture

such relationship is frowned upon. My working and personal relationship with her hasnt chnaged even though she shared this personal info with me.
3. My college senior came out as gay and this hasn't bothered me at all . Watching pop culture on TV and media made me realize someone being gay has nothing to do with one's character and ability to work professionally. My relationship with my senior hasn't changed a bit.

Can I use these examples in your opinion?

" Perhaps he said something along the lines of not wanting to be treated as a royal and wanting to discuss all topics".
He did mention that we should work in manner such that his royalty status doesn't come in the way of smooth functioning. I can try to work in this detail.

"If he showed and spoke of a great deal of respect for the cultures and norms of other nations, then we can probably better connect his story and importance to your essay. "

We didn't discuss a lot more of the cultures as we went on to discuss the agenda for the 3 day event

"Do you have a maximum word count for this paper? If you can let me know what it is, maybe we can work on meeting the requirement in a more polished sort of way :-)"

The adcom gave a limit of 500 words (80 words above and below limit is fine as per the adcom).

You can definitely use those experiences Vincen. They help to show a part of your personality that will set you apart from any prejudice that the admissions officer may have in mind while considering your essay. Since the people from the Middle East are known as staunch religious believers and supporters, showing that you have an open mind and that you are not limited to the traditional ways of your culture will be a plus in your application. If you can work it into your essay, we can work on making the essay flow smoother with the additional information. This is an open topic essay that allows you to present another side of your personality and also allows you to address any prejudice that you feel might be taken against you by the admissions officer.

As for the prince, let us try to discuss his down to earth ways in such a way that shows how he too is open minded and is someone whom you will try to emulate in life. This is a very special case since you have a higher role model to refer to as someone who has helped to shape your personality and future MBA goals. I will think about how we can do it some more if you are willing to work on it and if you think it is worthy of inclusion in your essay :-)

Is there anything else you want to add to the essay that you think I can help you with? Just ask questions whenever you have any and I will also make suggestions whenever possible or necessary. We can work together to polish this essay and make it work in a way that you are satisfied with :-)

How about the changes I made now ? The chnage I made are in red

I was surprised on learning that my council president for the International Model UN conference is a son of the King of Qatar. Even though I have greeted Qataris I was nervous as I never greeted a Qatari royal before. Should I wish him 'As-salamu-alaykum' with the cheek to cheek kisses as per the cultural norms ? Luckily before I leaned in for the kiss, the Prince greeted me with a handshake,following which we discussed the agenda where he said he loved to see what my country can contribute to the council . An awkward moment due to a generalization was averted.

Growing up in a Syrian Christian family I was brought up with values that are more progressive than the ones seen in the other Indian communities . Yet in this 21st Century my community isn't liberal enough as we still superficially judge someone on the basis of religion and socio-economic class .

In this globalized world having international exposure is not enough to establish effective interpersonal relationships. If people lack sensitivity for other cultures there can be mistakes in both personal & professional interactions , leading to conflicts . One must be open-minded while interacting with other cultures to make sure that meaningful bonds can be built among people with diverse backgrounds. Residing in the racially and culturally heterogeneous Qatar helped me to see beyond such differences in people. In 25 years, I connected with people from different parts of the world, be it Arabs, Americans, Somalians, or Filipinos. I have experienced mindsets ranging from the conservative attitude of the Middle Easterners to the liberal outlook of Scandinavians. Studying with Pakistanis made me realize that they are very similar to Indians and the jingoistic stereotypes about them are overhyped . I acknowledge my European boss's live-in relationship and this hasn't affected our professional and personal bond , even though such relationships are frowned upon in India.

The Prince didn't want his royalty status to affect his professional engagements in that council , allowing me to objectively criticize his stance on many topics . Prince's unpretentious attitude proved that status and wealth don't have to come in the way of productive relationships.

All these interactions made me outgrow the parochial mindset of the Indian culture. I don't let any disagreements I have with cultures get in the way of empathizing with people . Such experiences made value a person's character and intellect and not judge anyone over the race , appearance and sexuality . I learned to appreciate the various cultures of the world , enabling me to adapt my working and communication style to handle such diversity. Whether it is to brainstorm solutions with other delegates in Model UN or to work professionally with client and HP teams based in 5 continents , such intercultural interactions helped me well in my life. Thus, my broad-mindedness will help me inculcate what my peers in the team have to offer. I will collaborate with them and the college in strengthening the global experience that Foster has developed over the years. While there maybe certain parameters in my profile that are not distinctive, the contributions I can make to the diverse culture of Foster, will definitely set me apart from the rest.

 
SO does my essay look better now?

Vince, I offer some comments and suggestions regarding how to better improve some paragraphs for your consideration.


- This is not really a necessary part of the sentence. You can jump to the next sentence which is more important as it speaks of the central theme of your essay instead.

- We live in a world that claims to be globalized in all of its dealings. Yet, we are faced with a multitude of social and religious conflicts due to lack of sensitivity, understanding, and tolerance for those who differ in beliefs from us. Such prejudices most often result in conflicts which could easily have been avoided if people only took the time to truly get to know and understand one another. Having grown up in Qatar, a country in the Middle East that is culturally and racially heterogeneous, I developed a mindset far removed from the other countries in the region. Over the past 25 years, I have interacted with Arabs, Somalians, Americans, and Filipinos. I have been exposed to the free love style of the Scandanavians and the conservative outlook of the Middle Easterners Each experience with these nationalities showed me a different side of their social outlook which ranged from conservative to liberal. I knew that the negative aspect of their traits were over-hyped because I found that I was not affected by the fact that my European boss was in a common law relationship. Nothing changed in our personal bond even when I knew that their relationship was frowned upon in India.

- I came to realize that the Middle East was also changing in its mindset upon meeting the Prince who was so down to earth that he made sure his royal status did not disrupt the council schedule. He also accepted my criticisms with an unpretentious attitude which showed that his status and wealth did not factor into his social relationships.

The last part of the essay works very well. Please consider my suggestions or use any portion of it, for the betterment of your essay :-) Let's see if we can still polish this some more :-)