I am an Oncologist and Planning to do a Exec. MBA from ISB Hydrabad, India
Please give your review on this essay. word limit 500
I completed my Postgraduation in Radiation Oncology in 1999 and in those times Radiation Oncology was mainly in government run institutions. There were about 15 centers in Private sector. I wanted to start my independent career in Private sector with latest equipments.
Within a year of my Post-graduation I came to know about this Trust unsuccessfully trying to start a 150 bedded Cancer Hospital for last 5 years.
I contacted then with a promise to start hospital they accepted my offer. After joining I met other staffs (a clerk & a watchman) to analyse the reason behind its failure to take off in-spite of completion of building. I got to know about the problems through the documents and staffs. I relied more on documents as their versions could be biased but never discarded or ignored their opinions. I was ready with my key points in 10 days about the delay. Funds were not a major issue but ownership was. The board consisted of 17 trustees who had various business interests and had more than 17 views to start it. My first step was to call a board meeting to discuss them about my approach.
I presented my road map to them, starting with a suggestion to convert 150 beds to 35 beds based on population serviced v/s incidence of cancer and reducing initial investments. I suggested making of various sub-committees with not more than 3 trustees. They should have independent decision making power and their decisions would be reviewed in monthly with intension of hastening the process but keeping accountability. I got some strong opposition about my suggestion of reducing the bed number. As per them 150 bed was a suggestion of senior cancer specialist of a premier institute and they have done the construction accordingly. I handled the situation by facts and figure, investment and option of second phase. During presentation I judged their strong financial knowledge/banking background and added an extempore financial plan of recurring deposit of 40,000/- per month from the revenue generated. This would be used to procure Radioactive Isotope used in Radiation machines at regular intervals, which is very expensive. This suggestion was taken very positively by them and they asked me relevant questions about Radiation source procurement and handling.
I later made an expert advisor committee for equipment selection in various specialties and prepared a final list of equipments. I got the necessary licenses and permission required. I then made a team of qualified and trained Specialist Doctors to make a handpicked team. There were frustrating delays in placing the purchase orders, bias for selection of non technical staffs etc. In-spite of all this I could almost keep my promise of starting the hospital within a year. I joined on 30th Oct. 2001 and hospital was inaugurated on 19th Nov. 2002.
This entire experience gave me insight to many things in life and I became more organized, patient, confident and happier. Though I have moved on in life but this experience taught me to handle difficult situation in professional as well as personal life.
I completed my Postgraduation in Radiation Oncology in 1999 and in those times Radiation Oncologywhen this field was mainly inmostly limited togovernmentthe state run institutions. Thereand had onlywere about 15 centers in the Private sector. I wanted to start my independent career in the pP rivate sector withwhich had the latest equipments.
Within a year of my Post-graduation I came to know about this Trust, which struggled withunsuccessfullytrying to start aits project of 150 bedded Cancer Hospital for the last 5 years.
I contacted then with a promise to start hospital they accepted my offer.------------This sentence seems to be weak. What is your offer? You better clarify it with more detail 'cause this is the starting point of the description of the role you played there.
Hello,
This has all the potential to be a very powerful essay. However, you seem to have a major problem with agreement and word selection. Quite often you add a (s) to words in order to make them plural, but the words are already plural such as "equipment" and "staff." Also, the flow of this essay is not good. It reads as one quick blob. Start by talking about your background, then the problem, proposed solution, fix and results. This will make your essay flow much smoother. -admissions essay advice
dumi
Thanks De Silva, I have made changes as per your suggestions. Will you please go through it again and give your comment
I completed my Post-graduation in Radiation Oncology in 1999 when this field was mostly limited to state run institutions and had only about 15 centers in Private sector. I wanted to start my independent career in the private sector which had latest equipments.
Within a year of my Post-graduation I came to know about this Trust, which struggled with its project of 150 bedded Cancer Hospital for the last 5 years.
I contacted them with a promise to start the hospital within a year they accepted my offer. After joining I met other staffs (a clerk & a watchman) to analyse the reason behind its failure to take off in-spite of completion of building. I got to know about the problems through the documents and staffs. I relied more on documents as their versions could be biased but never discarded or ignored their opinions. I was ready with my key points in 10 days about the delay. Funds were not a major issue but ownership was. The board consisted of 17 trustees who had various business interests and had more than 17 views to start it. My first step was to call a board meeting to discuss them about my approach.
I presented my road map to them, starting with a suggestion to convert 150 beds to 35 beds based on population serviced v/s incidence of cancer and reducing initial investments. I suggested making of various sub-committees with not more than 3 trustees. They should have independent decision making power and their decisions would be reviewed in monthly with intension of hastening the process but keeping accountability. I got some strong opposition about my suggestion of reducing the bed number. As per them 150 bed was a suggestion of senior cancer specialist of a premier institute and they have done the construction accordingly. I handled the situation by facts and figure, investment and option of second phase. During presentation I judged their strong financial knowledge/banking background and added an extempore financial plan of recurring deposit of 40,000/- per month from the revenue generated. This would be used to procure Radioactive Isotope used in Radiation machines at regular intervals, which is very expensive. This suggestion was taken very positively by them and they asked me relevant questions about Radiation source procurement and handling.
I later made an expert advisor committee for equipment selection in various specialties and prepared a final list of equipments. I got the necessary licenses and permission required. I then made a team of qualified and trained Specialist Doctors to make a handpicked team. There were frustrating delays in placing the purchase orders, bias for selection of non technical staffs etc. In-spite of all this I could almost keep my promise of starting the hospital within a year. I joined on 30th Oct. 2001 and hospital was inaugurated on 19th Nov. 2002.
This entire experience gave me insight to many things in life and I became more organized, patient, confident and happier. Though I have moved on in life but this experience taught me to handle difficult situation in professional as well as personal life.
I contactedapproached them with a proposal that promisedto start the hospitalof getting the project on board within a year and they offered me the the job.accepted my offer.After joiningMy first step was to meet and discuss withI met other staffs (a clerk & a watchman)the relevant staff(I think you dont have to specifically say whom you interacted with) to analyse thegather information with regard to reasonsbehind itsfor failure to take off in-spite of completion ofbuildingcompleting the building construction . I alsogot to know about the problems through the documents and staffs . I relied more on documentson documentation for more informationasbecause althoughtheir versions could betheir contents could have been biased but they never discarded or ignored their opinions. (here I have a problem of understanding whose opinions. Are they the opinions of the staff?) I was ready with my review reportkey points in 10 days in which I comprehensively highlighted the key issues that causedabout the delay together with an action plan for restarting the whole project. (I added a sentence to arrange the flow and also think it is better to break for another para here)
Funds were not a major issue but the stakeholders wereownership was . The board consisted of 17 trustees who had variousdiffering business interests and had more than 17 views to start it on the project.
dumi
Thanks De Silva for your suggestions. I have made the changes accordingly and regarding "here I have a problem of understanding whose opinions. Are they the opinions of the staff?" yes it is opinion of staff. I relied more on documentation rather than their opinion as it could be biased. Your sugesstions are very valid and helpful. Iwould appreciate if you could review my complete essay. Word limit is 500. The complete essay is 530 words now.
I approached them with a proposal that promised of getting the project on board within a year and they offered me the the job. My first step was to meet and discuss with the relevant staff to gather information with regard to reasons for failure of project even after completion of building. I also got to know about the problems through the documents. I relied more on documentation because the staff contents could have been biased. But I never discarded or ignored their opinions. I was ready with my review report in 10 days in which I comprehensively highlighted the key issues that caused the delay together with an action plan for restarting the whole project.
Funds were not a major issue but the stakeholders were. The board consisted of 17 trustees who had differing business interests and views on the project. I presented my road map to them, starting with a suggestion to convert 150 beds to 35 beds based on population serviced v/s incidence of cancer and reducing initial investments. I suggested making of various sub-committees with not more than 3 trustees. They should have independent decision making power and their decisions would be reviewed in monthly with intension of hastening the process but keeping accountability. I got some strong opposition about my suggestion of reducing the bed number. As per them 150 bed was a suggestion of senior cancer specialist of a premier institute and they have done the construction accordingly. I handled the situation by facts and figure, investment and option of second phase. During presentation I judged their strong financial knowledge/banking background and added an extempore financial plan to have a recurring deposit of 40,000/- per month from the revenue generated. This would be used to procure Radioactive Isotope used in Radiation machines at regular intervals, which is very expensive. This suggestion was taken very positively by them and they asked me relevant questions about Radiation source procurement and handling.
I later made an expert advisor committee for equipment selection in various specialties and prepared a final list of equipments. I got the necessary licenses and permission required. I then made a team of qualified and trained Specialist Doctors to make a handpicked team. There were frustrating delays in placing the purchase orders, bias for selection of non technical staffs etc. In-spite of all this I could almost keep my promise of starting the hospital within a year. I joined on 30th Oct. 2001 and hospital was inaugurated on 19th Nov. 2002.
This entire experience gave me insight to many things in life and I became more organized, patient, confident and happier. Though I have moved on in life but this experience taught me to handle difficult situation in professional as well as personal life.
Ok Manish.... Let me re-look at it, keeping your word constraint in mind;
I approached them with amy proposal that promised of getting the project on board within a year and they offered me the the jobaccepted it . My first step was to meet and discuss with the relevant staffto gather information with regard to reasons forabout the failure of the project even after completion of buildingby holding discussions with the relevant staff. I also got to know about the problems throughalso studied the documents and. I relied more on documentation them because of possible biasness of the staff contents could have been biased. But I neverdid not discarded or ignored their opinions. I was ready withhad my review report in 10 days in which I comprehensively discussed and highlighted the key issues that caused the delay for the failure together with an action plan for restarting the wholeresuming the project.
Although fF unds were not a major issue,butthe stakeholders,were. The board consisted of the 17 trustees inon the board, who had differing business interests and views on the project. (I did this change to have a link with your earlier para and also feel it's better if you can say something about handling their different ideas and bringing all of them together)However, finally they agreed toI presented my road map to them, starting with a suggestion toof converting 150 beds to 35 beds based on population serviced v/s incidence of cancer andwith reducinged initial investments. I suggested making of variousOn my request several sub-committees, with not more than 3 trustees, were formed and they were empowered to make decisions. They should have independently.decision making power andtT heir decisions would bewere reviewed inon monthly basis with the intenst ion of hastening the process but keeping accountabilityexpediting the process and making them accountable.(suggest to break for another para here)
I'll help u with the last para too if u like. If so, pls post the edited version once again sothat it would be easy for me to run through it again.
dumi
Dear De Silva, Thanks a lot for the help. I am sending the edited version and the main problem with the trustees were their lack of interest in the project, no one wanted to take the ownership of the project and take it forward, they did not trust each other, infighting, ego clashes and promoting their venders. I am not sure how to put this in essay. I know we should describle the problem also but I don't want to have to much negativity in the essay. What is your suggestion about it. Should I mention it in revised form or ignore it.
I completed my Post-graduation in Radiation Oncology in 1999 when this field was mostly limited to state run institutions and had only about 15 centers in Private sector. I wanted to start my independent career in the private sector which had latest equipment.
Within a year of my Post-graduation I came to know about this Trust, which struggled with its project of 150 bedded Cancer Hospital for the last 5 years.
I approached them with my proposal that promised of getting the project on board within a year and they accepted it. My first step was to gather information about the failure of the project by holding discussions with the relevant staff. I also studied the documents and relied more on them because of possible biasness of the staff contents. But I did not discard or ignore their opinions. I had my review report in 10 days in which I comprehensively discussed and highlighted the key issues for the failure together with an action plan for resuming the project.
Although funds were not a major issue, the 17 trustees on the board, had differing business interests and views on the project. However, finally they agreed to my road map of converting 150 beds to 35 beds based on population serviced v/s incidence of cancer with reduced initial investments. On my request several sub-committees, with no more than 3 trustees, were formed and they were empowered to make decisions independently. Their decisions were reviewed on monthly basis with the intention of expediting the process and making them accountable.
I got some strong opposition about my suggestion of reducing the bed number. As per them 150 bed was a suggestion of senior cancer specialist of a premier institute and they have done the construction accordingly. I handled the situation by facts and figure, investment and option of second phase. During presentation I judged their strong financial knowledge/banking background and added an extempore financial plan to have a recurring deposit of 40,000/- per month from the revenue generated. This would be used to procure Radioactive Isotope used in Radiation machines at regular intervals, which is very expensive. This suggestion was taken very positively by them and they asked me relevant questions about Radiation source procurement and handling.
I later made an expert advisor committee for equipment selection in various specialties and prepared a final list of equipments. I got the necessary licenses and permission required. I then made a team of qualified and trained Specialist Doctors to make a handpicked team. There were frustrating delays in placing the purchase orders, bias for selection of non technical staffs etc. In-spite of all this I could almost keep my promise of starting the hospital within a year. I joined on 30th Oct. 2001 and hospital was inaugurated on 19th Nov. 2002.
This entire experience gave me insight to many things in life and I became more organized, patient, confident and happier. Though I have moved on in life but this experience taught me to handle difficult situation in professional as well as personal life.