A prospective "OSCAR" winner - Profile writing_MBA application

Hi everyone! Here is my profile. I need you guys opinion on the content and use of words. Thanks!

"A profile is a brief summary of your curriculum vitae or résumé that will grab the reader's attention. Your profile should be 150-200 words and written in the third person."FYI.

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Being obliging, sincere, committed, analytical and resilient, Janet is a prospective "OSCAR" winner in her self-directed life.

With a strong interest in finance and accounting, Janet has extensive internship experience in financial advisory, consulting and public accounting. As a valuation associate working in a global financial advisory firm, she is equipped with valuation technique and strong analytical and problem solving skills. She also demonstrates strong adaptability as well as ability to learn fast and work efficiently under pressure. Having been worked with people from many different countries, she is collaborative in cross-culture communication. Currently, she is completing level one of the CFA designation.

Suffering of physical injury did not defeat her, instead she became more mature and self-motivated with a passion for learning and community. She has been committed to sustainability promotion as well as female leadership development. To live a happy and fulfilling life, she is driven, open-minded and grateful.

Janet is interested in a career opportunity where she could leverage her skill sets, such as investment banking, commercial banking, financial planning, business analysis and corporate development.

Janet, don't make any reference to an "Oscar" award since you are not applying to film school. That makes it an irrelevant reference. Instead, discuss the traits that you mentioned in terms of your drive to succeed in life. When it comes to your professional experience, make sure to present the names of the firms that you were connected with because that is information that you would be including in your typical curriculum vitae listing. When you mention an injury that could have affected your ability to function, make sure to mention the injury and how it should have adversely affected you.

Now, when you say you are grateful, what exactly are you grateful for? Also, the last part that speaks of your desire to have a career opportunity that leverages your skills, don't place that at the very end. Make that an extended discussion, based upon the skills you presented, in the second paragraph of the essay so that it can help to reel in the reviewer and create more of an interest in your academic skills.

Hi, janet777, here are some adives I want to give you.

(Moreover, she) She also demonstrates strong adaptability as well as ability to learn fast and work efficiently under pressure

Having been worked with people from many different (various)countries.

Currently, she is completing (has completed)level one of the CFA designation.

(The) Suffering of physical injury did not defeat her, instead (making her) shebecame (become)more mature and self-motivated with a passion for learning and community