'provide me with a bright future' - Motivation letter university

Hello guys,

the last couple of days I have been busy writing my motivation letter for the university.
Could you please check it for me?
PS. I am not sure if it is in the right forum.

Subject: motivation letter

Dear Sirs/Madams,

for as long as I remember I have always had a keen interest in economics. I participated in the student for a day programme for ''Economie en Bedrijfseconomie'' on 25 September 2013. It strongly appealed to me; however it felt as if something was missing. As soon as I heard that there was an international version of the study, I knew immediately that this would be it. Therefore I would like to apply for International Bachelor Economics and Business Economics.

My name is X. I was born and raised in Almelo. My parents are from Turkey. Being raised bilingual gave me the opportunity to speak Dutch, Turkish, English and a little German. Currently I am studying at X in Almelo, I expect to graduate in June this year. Besides school I work as cashier in a grocery store, I also participated in ''het Nationaal Jeugddebat'', which gave me the opportunity to debate in the parliament with members of the House of Representatives.

I aspire to make a change in the business world, by working as a COO or CFO for a multinational corporation or run my own successful business. Studying IBEB will provide me with the necessary knowledge to accomplish this. It is essential to know the procedures of macro and microeconomics if you want your company to succeed. On top of that an international study offers many opportunities to gain international experience.

My interest in the Erasmus University Rotterdam comes from its internationality. The university has a high percentage of international students. Meeting international students is a great possibility to set up your own network of contacts. Furthermore Erasmus School of Economics was recently ranked first in economics, making it more likely to achieve better career opportunities. In addition, the university has agreements with universities in nearly 60 countries. Studying abroad is something I hope to do eventually.

Getting a bachelor's degree in International Bachelor Economics and Business Economics will provide me with a bright future. With a current average grade of 8.2 for Management and Organisation, and a 7 average for Economics, Mathematics and English, I believe I will have no problems studying IBEB. I am always trying to push myself to the limit, and I believe IBEB will provide me with the necessary challenge.

Thank you for your time and consideration, and I am looking forward to hearing from you at your earliest convenience.

Yours faithfully,

X

for As as long as I remember I have always had a keen interest in economics. I participated in the student for a day programme for ''Economie en Bedrijfseconomie'' on 25 September 2013. ItAlthough I found itstrongly appealed to me very appealing , ; however itI also felt as if something was missing.


For me, I find this is very vaguely expressed without having some strong case to convince your admission panel. You better talk about how your passion began and you had it nurture in a more detailed manner.