Questions about the balance of experience and academic proposal -regarding personal statement

Hi, I am an international student from China, I am applying for the top 100 schools in the QS world rankings, such as Edinburgh or Manchester, up to UCL.

I am an undergraduate studying International Business (high 2:1 so far) and preparing to apply for a master's in Psychology (ie. Business Psychology) and Human Resource Management.

I was trying to explain how my experience led to my research interest but it seems like I didn't get the whole structure. Here are some questions,

1. My friends think it is not so related to the course, and another thinks I focus too much on my personal experience. How can I change that?

2. Currently, I got the course list and some basic background of my target school. How can I express my interest in the school and course?

3. How can I use my experience to impress the reviewer but don't make it seems miserable, or make balance with the academic sentences?

Can you give me some advice? Better for some example, No matter what, thanks for your time!

how my experience led to my research interest?

HERE IS THE DRAFT OF MY PERSONAL STATEMENT OF HRM.

China's social structure is based on the Differential Mode of Association Theory proposed by Fei Xiaotong. The complexity of the interpersonal relationship of Chinese people is incalculable, which is a limitation for China's development. Base on my observation at work, relationship management for employees was neglected. With excellent empathy ability, I read psychological works to improve my emotional discernment. I hope to conduct in-depth research on human resource management. In this personal statement, I will elaborate on the relationship between my developing process and research interests, present my academic abilities and characteristics, and finally explain why I choose your university.

With a childhood spent in the countryside, I realized the enormous pressure brought by complex interpersonal relationships. Lower-income made my parents rural migrant workers, while the hukou system made me became a left-behind child. The feeling of being abandoned had caused psychological problems in my adolescence. By improving the interpersonal relations with friends, I obtained emotional support. The conflicts with my mother in my adolescence made my study life troublesome. As I grew up, I took the initiative to lead the relationship with my mother. I created communication and dealt with my self-contradiction.

Building a stable family with healthy emotions also requires management skills. Growing up in different cultures has helped me blend in with different groups. My hunger for the world and my pursuit of knowledge has inspired me to keep going. In addition, I keep expanding my knowledge scale to eliminate the doubts that family background would limit my ability. I hope to become a CHRO or headhunting consultant. Thus, I can communicate with more talents and learn the advantages to improve myself.

The practical skills acquired from colleges have taught me how to work efficiently. Getting a master's degree, I would obtain more working opportunities. My excellent performance in the undergraduate courses has proved my learning ability. During the pandemic, I effectively manage my study at home without being influenced by the outside environment. I strictly implement the schedule to relieve anxiety depends on my self-management ability and resilience. In this semester, I chose International Business and Employee Relations as my elective course. Currently, I take the status quo of human resource development in China as my research subject for the case study. Such academic experience has provided me with a foundation for an in-depth study of human resources.

As a subject of management, the course of Human Resource Management at the University [-] is not limited to researching but extends thinking modes with models. My interest in psychology makes me want to take an Occupational Psychology course. The courses about leadership can improve my personal abilities. I hope that with my study on the HRM system, I can develop an effective management model for enterprises. To realize fair and reasonable development, Chinese enterprises need an orderly and mature personnel management system. Thus, I hope to become a management talent that is urgently needed by the country.

Actually, the content of your personal statement is misdirected. Since you are coming in to a masters degree after having graduated from a different course, you will need to show the reviewer the path that led to your desire to change courses. The essay is too informative in the wrong manner and yes, it is too serious in the incorrect way. If you will allow me, I can help outline your revision topics. I suggest that you work on the revised personal statement as follows:

Par. 1: Explain what factors you have experienced as an HRM professional led you to realize the importance of psychology when dealing with workers.
Par. 2: Depict situations wherein you have been required to use psychology in your line of work. Explain how it exposed you to the rudiments of psychology and its relation to HRM.

Par. 3: Why did you decide to focus on this masters course? What makes you sure that your previous degree has helped prepare you to complete the requirements of this course?

Par. 4: Discuss how all these elements combined to help you develop a specific set of academic goals that the university and course you have chosen appears to respond to.

These are the only aspects that you have to discuss in your personal statement. Since you are changing directions in terms of study, you need to convince the reviewer that you have a justifiable reason for doing so and, that your previous course is somehow related to this change in career path for you.

First of all, thanks a lot for your responding and it did help me a lot in direction. I almost changed every sentence I have written by putting more focus on courses and work experience. And I still have some confusion about how to expand the broader in the last paragraph. Furthermore, do I need a further revision of the structure and grammar? For your convenience, the "green sentence" is based on your advice.

My desire to learn human resource management comes from my first internship. The desire to deeper explore leads me to acknowledge organizational psychology and this has become my pursuit of academic direction. By participating in the whole process of recruitment for General Motors, I understand the reasons for further research on organizational psychology for improving the efficiency of HRM systems.The sharp contrast between the interpersonal relationship management challenges in China and the developed，organized HRM system in Western countries has inspired me to think about the influence of psychological, cultural differences. I will explore the systematized development of organizational psychology and human resource management, looking for an adequate Chinese modern HRM plan.

My experience brought me a more practical understanding of the study. I worked for two leading companies in online recruitment and recruited staff for General Motors, Decathlon, IKEA, and pharmaceutical companies. For outsourcing recruiting, my primary task is to assess the candidate's experience, needs, and job search progress. I obtained a preliminary recruitment analysis by using the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator for candidates. As a widely used test in the commercial field, it showed me the basic principles and practical applications of psychology.I also learned teamwork, communication skills, and leadership through the project-based work model. Within a year, I brought the company benefit of ¥30,0000 and became a model employee for two quarters. These rigorous systematic trainings have improved my practical ability and strengthened my determination to go further on the psychological study.

My academic studies in HRM began with my course of 'business and interpersonal relationships' at Coventry University. With the rapid advance of the information age, the competition of enterprises is converting to the talent competition, which gives me the motivation of learning. I often practice oral English with tutors in my college life, which also laid the foundation for my study in the UK. During the self-study IELTS, I improve the score from 4 to 6.5 in a half year, which present my learning ability. Growing up in different cultures has helped me blend in with different groups, which means I can easily participate in research with multinational teammates. These characteristics and high performance in the grades made me convinced me that I am able to complete the conversion study. My desire for the world and my pursuit of knowledge has inspired me to keep going. I hope to become famous headhunting consultant, a psychological background degree can bring me better employment and future in-depth research opportunities.Thus, I can communicate with more talents and learn the advantages to improve myself.

The value of HRM should be seeking for a win-win situation between enterprises and employees, rather than squeezing the surplus value of labor. I hope to make organizations' success by improving performance and motivation, using knowledge of organizational psychology. The University of Glasgow offers such a conversion opportunity.