Research Exerience and Plans

Hi Everybody,
Please provide your valuable feed back on my Research & Experience Plans.

Thanks
Ehsan

6. Research Experience and Plans
Describe any experience you have had that has prepared you for a research oriented graduate program. Include (1) a brief description of any experiences you have had that indicate your suitability for doing independent research at the graduate level; (2) a clear indication of which graduate degree(s) you plan to pursue, and if at the MS level whether the degree option will be Coursework-only or Thesis; and (3) why you wish to pursue a computer science degree at XXX in particular.

RESEARCH EXPERIENCE AND PLANS
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Through my undergraduate studies and professional experience I have prepared myself to pursue a career in research especially in the fields of Distributed Systems and Parallel Computing. Since the time of my undergraduate studies I have been fascianted by the vastness and deep rooted practical applications of Distributed Systems and Parallel Computing in data intensive applications such as transaction processing, data mining, multimedia, bioinformatics etc. My interest in the field of Distributed Systems persuaded me to join TPS (Transaction Processing Systems). My three years professional experience as a research engineer for the two real time distributed transaction processing switches PHOENIX & IRIS have provided me, an extensive domain knowledge of e-banking and real time transaction processing systems. Apart from domain knowledge my professional experience has also outfitted me, not only with the knowledge of design and development of Distributed Systems but also the challenges in Distributed Systems like need for efficient and robust communication, fault tolerancy, load balancing and processing huge volumes of data. At TPS I was able to concentrate on these very challenges and come up with solutions through architectural enhancement, redesigning of modules and through using parallel programming paradigms to enhance performance of the switches. Through independent studies, I have always tried to keep myself apprised of the new paradigms, frameworks and programming models e.g. MapReduce(for distributed processing of large dataset), MPI (Message Passing Interface), OpenMP, GFS (Google File System) and OpenAFS (Open Andrew File System).

Having a goal to further study at Phd level and purse a career in research, I believe that "MS degree with Thesis option" suits well for my future ambitions.

After going through the CS department website I came to realize that, with its comprehensive research facilities and competent faculty doing cutting edge research work specially in my primary area of interest, XXX will provide an excellent environment to focus all my resources towards research and development.

You need to add more to answer this question. Your current answer is too boilerplate. Other than that you seem to be on the right track.

Thank you very much. You people are doing a great job.

I would replace this -- which doesn't really say anything -- with a sentence that summarizes the research experience you will be recounting in the remainder of the paragraph.