sincere coments for Sop ms/phd in computer science

Hi Friends,
please provide your sincere comments on my sop.as it's not complete yet and i have written only introduction till now, some of my friends are suggesting that it's not substantial and i should try starting it with some thing else.

please provide your sincere comments.

I have grown up in a small city in India and got my basic education from a normal school of my locality. My first encounter with computer was at age of 13 when I accompanied my father to a reservation center for a train reservation. The question, how can a computer get to know whether a seat is available between any pair of stations left me perplexed? I hardly had any idea about what is there inside a computer and how it works. This question remained unanswered for me as little knowledge did anyone had in my family or school at that time. While I continued my studies in school, curiosity to know about computers always remained somewhere in deep recess of my mind. After completing my basic education i choose to pursue further education in Engineering field related to computers. To get into an undergraduate program in Engineering qualifying in entrance exam held by state owned engineering colleges was only option. I prepared for this exam and made it to Buldelkhand Institute of Engineering & Technology, Jhansi, India. The institute is ranked the 4th best state owned institute affiliated to the Uttar Pradesh Technical University, Lucknow.

This may be a LONG shot: I am guessing that sop means statement of purpose??
If so, my second guess is that you are asked to write about why you want to get a Phd in computer science at ... wherever. If that is correct, then this is all you answered:

While I continued my studies in school, curiosity to know about computers always remained somewhere in deep recess of my mind. (NEED MORE SPECIFICS.)

You might also want to talk about why you want to pursue academic learning in computers (to teach? do reseach??)

Yes, SOP is statement of purpose, and I think it is always important to make yourself out to be someone who is resolute, determined, and fascinated with the field of choice. I think it is good to be very clear about your intention to pursue a specific field passionately -- even if you are not actually sure yet!

This is messed up, right here:


Here is a fix for it:
How can a computer get to know whether a seat is available between any pair of stations? This question left me perplexed.-----That question leaves me perplexed, too! I don't understand! :-)

Dear Mohit,

I'm going to try helping you here, but I think you should submit your details ASAP to let us know the whole situation and help you further.

I have grown up in a small city in India and got my basic education from a normal school of my locality. My first encounter with computer was at the age of 13 when I accompanied my father tofor a train reservation center for a train reservation . The question, how can a computer get to know whether a seat is available between any pair of stations left me perplexed? I hardly had any idea about what is there inside a computer and how it works. This question remained unanswered for me as little knowledge did anyone had in my family or school at that time. While I continued my studies in school, the curiosity to know about computers always remained somewhere in deep recess of my mind. After completing my basic education iI choose to pursue further education in computer Engineering field related to computers . To get into an undergraduate program in Engineering qualifying in entrance exam held by state owned engineering colleges was only option. I prepared for this exam and made it to Buldelkhand Institute of Engineering & Technology, Jhansi, India. The institute is ranked as the 4th best state- owned institute affiliated to the Uttar Pradesh Technical University, Lucknow.

Awesome, Lisa, thanks!!

Dear friend,
I strongly suggest you read sample SOP templates which are available on the net. They will give direction to what you need to include in your SOP. Also I strongly recommend you read this article about admission process in top universities. In this article it is mentioned that SOP is one the important materials so you need to state what you wanna do in your phd, why you chose this university.

cs.cmu.edu/~harchol/gradschooltalk.pdf
Mahdi