Please take a look at my SOP and provide valuable suggestions:
Selection Committee,
"Pakistan has an electricity shortage of about 3000 to 4000 MW."
These are the words that blare through televisions and newspapers all the time in my country. Not only this, but due to frequent power break downs it is really exasperating when my PC shuts down instantly while I am working on an important project or an electrical appliance burns up due to voltage fluctuations. With the rising demand of energy and dwindling resources, the people of Pakistan believe that getting out of this dilemma is not possible. A couple of years ago, I thought the same thing but an experiment conducted at my company and a course with Schneider Electric Energy University opened my eyes to the exciting field of solar energy and I started to believe that a solution indeed exists to get out of this predicament.
Since I started working in 2009, I have worked on several projects where I was involved in designing and programming building automation and energy management systems. The concept involves automating lighting and HVAC to reduce energy consumption. Unfortunately, the systems are mostly installed in corporate premises as due to their high cost, they are far from the reach of common man. In line with the goal of providing cheaper energy solutions, I worked on a project at my company where the plan was to design a locally manufactured system that would utilize solar power to provide energy to street lights but it was the high cost of solar cells that reduced the feasibility of this system and deterred the employer from continuing with this program. The experiment was halted and I was sad to discover that the project did not succeed in a country where one of the provinces (Baluchistan) has the highest annual mean sunshine duration in the world.
The experiments might have ended but they opened new vistas for me. As my company is a subsidiary of Schneider Electric, I came to know about the Energy University of Schneider Electric (an online portal). I immediately registered and completed a course on alternative power generation technologies. During undergraduate studies, we were taught only the basics of optoelectronics and solid state devices. Therefore in order to learn more, I also joined Research Gate and started reading technical journals to increase my know how on solar cells and photovoltaic technologies. I discovered that the main barrier in deploying solar technology is the initial high cost and low efficiency.
While going through these materials, the latest research in this field especially relating to the creation and development of more efficient solar cells captured my interest and eventually getting a graduate degree in the field seemed the obvious choice. While searching for institutions that coincided with my career goals, I came across the Solar Photovoltaic Engineering Research Center at XXX. The center's goal of developing highly-efficient solar cells at low cost was the exact synopsis of what I wished to do.
Right from my school days, I have maintained a high standard of performance in my academics. I got more than eighty percent marks in Secondary School Examinations and got first position in the Higher Secondary School Examinations which enabled me to easily get admission into the Electronic Engineering Program of XXX University which is the top most engineering university in Pakistan and the Electronics Program is the most competitive program of the university. During undergraduate, I developed solid foundations in the field of electronics and even scored highest in many subjects like basic electrical engineering.
As a result, I got first division in all my four years of studies and managed to clear in top fifty among a class of one hundred and thirty nine students. For my final year project, I conducted research under Miss NF (Professor XXX) to compare the existing control practices used in industries today and showed how productivity and efficiency can be increased by using a Programmable Logic Controller (PLC) to automate industrial processes. This project received first prize in the Digital Innovation Competition and Exhibition (DICE) 2008. Besides academic activities, I was also the production editor of the official magazine of the department of electronics at XXX and led a team of writers to develop content, collect material and was responsible for the design and content of the magazine. It was my academic achievement and aptitude that within months of my graduation I received an offer from XXX (A subsidiary of Schneider Electric) as Executive Engineer and after six months of probation period was made permanent. Although I really enjoy my job yet the thirst for research remains unfulfilled in a corporate environment.
I am sure my drive and ambition will be an asset to XXX as after completing my studies, I would like to pursue a career in research and teaching and earn a doctorate in the same field. I wish to raise awareness about solar technology in Pakistan and hope to implement a program to provide electricity to sparsely populated rural areas through the use of cheap solar cells where there is lots of sunshine but installing grid lines is costly. I am certain that the Electrical Engineering program with specialization in Solid State Electronics at The XXX with its high academic standards, top class faculty, state-of-the-art facilities and strong industrial links is the best place to accomplish all these goals.
Thank you for time and consideration,
Sincerely,
XXX
You did very well with this! Here is a tip: use a comma to separate the 2 parts of a compound sentence:
The experiment was halted, and I was sad to...
This is how I suggest managing this sentence:
While going through these materials, the latest research in this field, especially relating to the creation and development of more efficient solar cells, captured my interest, and eventually getting a graduate degree in the field seemed the obvious choice.
... was the exact synopsis of what I wished to do.--- right here i think you need a bit of explanation. Just another sentence or two before ending the paragraph.
Although I really enjoy my job yet the thirst for research remains unfulfilled in a corporate environment.
(If you end the paragraph with this mention of lack of fulfillment in a corporate environment, begin the next paragraph with one of those key words -- i.e. fulfillment or corporate.) For example:
Because I am so excited about finding such fulfillment, I am sure my drive and ambition will...
Anyway, all these ideas are minor. This is a great sop.
Thanks for the suggestions kevin!
The thing I am most worried about is that I do have almost two years of professional experience but only one research project, my final year project, I hope it doesnt count against me
Also, you might have noticed that I have added a bit about my extracurricular activities as well. Should I remove it or keep it?
I am not sure whether extracurricular activities count in graduate admissions. They do however count in undergraduate admissions.
Hello Speed
Well I dont know what ur name is but the situation you gave seems that you are my senior. Well I am Muhammad Sufyan and did Bachelor of Electronic Engineering from NED in 2009. I am very much interested in Solar technology and want to continue my further studies in this subject and also want to do research in it but i cant find a suitable platform for it. Can you please help me regarding it, you can add me on msn at attractive_mind@hotmail.com or mail me and also can meet me in facebook by Sufyan Yakoob. Because you have made XXX on many things here so i want to talk to you in detail regarding all these things. I will be waiting for your response.
Thanks
Muhammad Sufyan
Also, you might have noticed that I have added a bit about my extracurricular activities as well. Should I remove it or keep it?
Well, the essay is your piece of art. With a painting, you would include some details and leave some out all depending on the experience you want to make for the reader.
I like the way you covered those activities, in the 2nd to last paragraph about being production editor, for example... the best way to do it is probably to mention those things as examples of experiences that led you to make your plan, your PURPOSE. It is all about discussing them in the context of explaining your purpose (i.e. your plan for the near future.)
Thanks for the suggestions kevin...:)
btw sufyan I have sent you a message on facebook, you can ask whatever you want through facebook
Thanks again people!
This is an SOP, great writing speed. And all the best with your future goals.
