I'd really appreciate any feedback on my essay, as I'm looking to submit it in the next 2-3 weeks.
Prompt:
Through your resume and recommendations, we have a clear sense of your professional path to date. What are your career goals going forward, and how will the Columbia MBA help you achieve them? (100-750 words)
I alternately laughed at the main character's antics on screen as he tried to win over the heroine, and sobbed, tears running down my face when it was revealed the hero had cancer. My addiction to Korean soap operas was the gateway to Japanese movies and Chinese pop music. Through them, I saw the shared Confucian values of respecting elders, the similar usage of Chinese characters, and the Buddhist religious roots. Courses at American University, and research abroad in Beijing and Seoul led me to realize that despite these perceived similarities, historical issues such as the Nanjing massacre, and territorial tensions continued to impede relations between China, Japan and South Korea. Having immigrated at two years of age from a small village in southern China to suburban Maryland, these issues were part of my heritage, yet I could look past them and see the potential of the three largest economies in East Asia cooperating on regional and global issues. I realized I could bridge the divide, helping the countries work past these issues, and drive greater regional cooperation.
Over the past seven years, I have worked extensively to understand and impact cooperation in East Asia through creating my own interdisciplinary major at American University, building a stronger Asian community on and off campus, and working across the non-profit, media, and private sectors. Through these experiences, I realized how easily political ties fragmented when territorial tensions flared up. However, business could create economic ties of interdependence that bolstered cooperation even when diplomatic ties faltered. As Editor of news site KoreaBANG with an audience of over 10,000 readers, I moderated heated political and social discussions among nationalistic netizens over the South China Sea issues. On the 50th anniversary of normalized relations between Japan and Korea, a flare-up in political tensions led Japanese and Korean diplomats to refuse to be in the same room at the event our non-profit International Student Conferences put together. The breakdown in diplomatic ties seemed to push back progress on regional cooperation.
However, while writing a publication on Chinese innovation for an audience of over 300 R&D executives at the business advisory company CEB, I noticed that economic ties seemed to be a strong bedrock that never faltered in the face of political disputes. Chinese and Korean companies continued to invest in and expand their businesses into the other country, opening up not only capital flow but also flow of workers across the countries. I realized that strengthening financial and investment ties across the region could be more effective in laying a foundation for increased regional cooperation. My goal is to strengthen investment ties by working as a consultant at Bain, facilitating cross-border market expansion and strategic investment opportunities for East Asian companies. After five years in consulting, I plan to transition to a multinational company and head up several country offices in East Asia. In the long term, I would like to leverage my position as an industry representative to push forward regional cooperation by serving on a regional advisory committee on East Asian relations.
Having studied and worked extensively on Asia, I have knowledge of the political, social, and cultural trends that will affect business practices. My professional proficiency in Mandarin and Korean will be essential for meetings with company representatives. In addition, my experience at CEB and KASC has given me a comfort level interacting with executives, and allowed me to build a network of professionals throughout Asia. An MBA from CBS will provide me a business understanding and strategic mindset I can apply to the Asian marketplace, strong alumni network in Asia, and the resources and credentials to quickly progress in the consulting industry, and later on as the head of country offices for a MNC.
The CBS core curriculum courses such as Marketing, Corporate Finance, and Strategy Formulation will give me a solid grounding in business operations and functions, as well as an understanding of how to analyze company strategy. I am currently taking a Capital Markets and Investments course at CBS with Professor Mamaysky, which will give me the theoretical understanding I can build on to understand the valuation of investments and securities in emerging markets. I will apply these analytical frameworks when working with Chinese companies interested in expanding into Korea and Japan, and vice versa to help them with their market entry strategy, assess the competitors in the space, figure out how to best position and market their products, and select the best partners to work with. I also look forward to organizing a Chazen trip to China and Korea to reconnect with companies I have worked with, understand the current challenges and opportunities they are facing in Asia, and forge new connections with corporations looking to expand within the region as well as CBS alumni. The CBS degree is well known and respected in East Asia, so having this credential will open many doors for me in the consulting industry.
My engagement in the CBS community both on and off campus will enrich my MBA experience, and give me the knowledge, skillsets, and network necessary to succeed in my long-term goal of leveraging the private sector to promote regional cooperation in East Asia.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Prasoon, while I will give you advice for this essay at this moment, I advice you to start your own thread for the successive postings regarding this essay. The admin will most likely delete this post of yours because you are supposed to start your own thread for your original essay. You are not supposed to post the essay in the thread of another student. Please make sure to fix this mistake by posting your own thread for the revision of this essay.
I would like to call your attention to the fact that you did not properly open this recommendation letter. The teacher should have done the following in the opening paragraph of the essay:
1. Introduce himself to the reader as your teacher.
2. Explain what class he has taught you in at present and in previous years (if any).
From that point, the teacher should focus the recommendation based upon your performance in her classes. She should not be offering information about projects and programs that she did not have a direct hand in participating in as your teacher or adviser. That is an over reaching recommendation that will make the reviewer think twice about the validity of her recommendation and knowledge of your abilities as a student in her class.
What is very obvious in the letter is that the teacher is not the one who wrote the recommendation. It is too resume like and sounds like the student himself wrote a self serving recommendation that he just had his teacher sign on to. That is never the impression you want to give the reviewer because when you submit your application, you will be made to take an oath that all of the documents you submitted are truthful. Therefore, having a letter of recommendation that is obviously not written by the teacher will be a violation of that oath and could result in the non-consideration of your application.
