SOP proofreading for graduate U.S. Institutions

SOP proofreading for graduate U.S. Institutions

to obtain a Master's degree in Mechanical Engineering

I need Urgent help with my SOP proofreading and editing suggestions.
SOP:
I have always been fascinated with how machines work and the science behind it. From a young age I used to repair and customize my bicycles. I also participated in a lot of science exhibition's projects in school that augmented my interest in science. I always had a keen interest in studying Mathematics and Physics. The interest in studying mechanical engineering and especially automobiles arose particularly from attending workshop of IC engine basics in 11th grade. It introduced me to basic concepts of combustion and Mechanisms. Already being fond of cars, the eagerness to learn their working and build developed rapidly since then. Moreover having scored 84% in Physics, Chemistry and Mathematics in 12th board examinations boosted my confidence in selecting mechanical engineering as the obvious choice for a Bachelor's degree.

As a student of Mechanical engineering I found all the courses riveting but the domains that eminently fascinated me were Strength of Materials, Theory of Machines, Automobile engineering, Manufacturing Processes and Design of Machine elements. In my first year itself I got selected in the FSAE team of my institution and have been a member from then till the present day. Working on 4 Major projects in the team spanning over a length of 3.5 years helped me discover my innate passion for automobiles.

In my junior year as a part of the team I understood different sub-systems integration and working and worked with manufacturing of racecar components like chassis, jigs and fixtures for various components of the car. Machining numerous components like bearing casings, bushes, spindles over the lathe's and milling machine's gave me exposure and understanding of various manufacturing processes and hands on experience with the same. Meanwhile learning the same topics in lectures enhanced my interest in the field as a whole. In my second year I worked in the vehicle dynamics department of the team and designed and tuned the vehicle dynamics aspect of the car. On the part of suspension system I designed and optimized the first ever De-Dion axle for a FSAE car in India. On the Steering system, I Designed and manufactured custom Rack and Pinion for required steering ratio of the car and implemented with variable Ackermann geometry. Working on the above projects in the team enabled me to access various books, technical/research papers, international Journals and forums related to the subjects and helped me research through the content and gain knowledge on the same, this resulted in greater proclivity towards automotive sector and the crave to gain in depth and extensive knowledge on the systems.

In my third year I was the head of vehicle dynamics department and also the manufacturing head. I was responsible for designing and tuning of suspension system and also implemented antiroll bars to separate the heave and roll stiffness of the car. I also, designed the front and rear wheel assembly of the car which includes designing of spindles, uprights and packaging the same. Right from selecting material and bearings to setting up geometry, load calculations, modeling, stress analysis, manufacturing and testing all was done in order to obtain a lightweight and reliable design. The above projects in the team allowed me to apply the knowledge gained in engineering subjects such as Design of Machine Elements, Theory of Machines, Strength of Materials, Automobile Engineering and FEA and also the concepts learnt beyond routine syllabus from various books and journals like 'RCVD by Milliken and Milliken', SAE Technical Papers and various forums. Applying theories and principles learnt in the curriculum in designing actual components enabled a deeper understanding of the topics. Working on the projects I also attained practical knowledge and experience beyond the boundaries of academics curriculum and this in turn helped me perform well in academics.

During my time as a member of the FSAE team I learned and gathered a lot of knowledge and skills. I learned and used software's like, SOLIDWORKS, AutoCAD and Pro-E for modeling, ANSYS for Force analysis, MATLAB and MS EXCEL for basic design programming, simulation software's like MSC-ADAMS and MASTERCAM. I also was exposed to and gained experience in several manufacturing processes like welding, milling, 5-axis CNC machining, casting, composite layups using carbon fiber and fiber glass.

Over the course of my under graduate degree, being a member of the FSAE team I participated in 4 competitions which includes two international competitions i.e. Formula student India 2016, Formula student UK 2018 and two national competitions SUPRA 2016 & 2017. At these competitions I got a chance to present our car and its design to judges who are very well reputed in the automobile industry from different parts of the world and receive their appreciations as well as constructive criticism. Their feedbacks helped me realize the enormous amount of knowledge available on automobiles and the small part of it I possess. This increased my eagerness to explore all the knowledge available and further convinced me to pursue a master's degree with automotive specialization.

Currently I have been working on the design and development of a damper dynamometer as my final year project. This in itself involves designing and construction of dynamometer to test and tune dampers of various sizes and to derive unknown properties. A damper dynamometer helps simulate operating conditions at different reciprocating frequencies and various stroke lengths and correspondingly plots curves necessary to set the optimum value of damping required.

I believe that the M.S.E in Mechanical Engineering degree program at University of Michigan- Ann Arbor best suits my interests and profile for the following reasons. Firstly, the research interests of professors like Prof. Greg Hulbert, Prof. Panos Papalambros also Prof. Jeffrey Stein and Prof. Huei Peng coincide with my research interests in automotive systems design, vehicle dynamics and performance. Secondly, Being one of the most prestigious institutions with top class facilities to learn and develop I think that it will provide me an opportunity to showcase my performance in the interested field and provide me the knowledge I wish to acquire. I believe that the Master's Program at the University of Michigan will hone my technical skills and knowledge and make me a deserving engineer to serve in the industry.

My ultimate professional aim is to be able to work in the automotive industry and serve at various professional levels and areas and contribute to research and development. I aim to obtain a Master's degree in Mechanical Engineering with the objective to grind my intellectual ability and follow my passion. Five years from now I foresee myself working in one of the most prestigious automotive company and apply the knowledge I have gained. I aim to contribute to massive changes in the industry through innovations and technological advancements. Having worked with the Formula SAE team of my institution I also have a keen interest in the motorsport industry and wish to work with a professional motorsport team.

Manav, you are over detailing your qualifications in your statement of purpose. The statement of purpose is just that, a career objective explained in relation to your academic, internship, and professional experience. I noticed that you mentioned that you are still an undergraduate at this point so I am guessing you are going for a non-thesis based masters degree. Am I right? It is important that, this being a direct transfer from undergraduate to graduate degree, that you shorten the presentation to help the reviewer better review your academic credentials as an incoming masters degree student.

First of all, open the essay with an introduction to your purpose for studies. No, I do not mean discussing a young age, nor discussing the 11th grade. I am talking about telling the reviewer what your plans are for your career which will include an explanation as to why you are not going for the usual work experience and then masters degree classes route. What is so imperative in your purpose that you cannot wait to gain work experience first?

From that point, you should only present the highlights of your university accomplishments. Only the classes with the most impressive grades and most impressive awards received should be discussed in relation to your chosen masters course. The idea is to convince the reviewer that you have the academic credentials to succeed as a masters student. That you have a strong theoretical and practical foundation, though academic in scope, to help you become an outstanding masters student. Right now, you are presenting so much information that the reviewer will not be able to keep track of what is important and what isn't. Help him out by being clear and defined in your presentation. Only the information that matters should be represented.

When you discuss your final year project, don't just describe it. Discuss its purpose. What do you hope to achieve by completing this damper dynamometer. How will it help build a better car? How do you see yourself further developing this research or project as a masters student? How does this relate to your purpose?

Before you start name dropping the professors of the university, make sure that they will accept student assistants or allow you to continue your research as a part of their own research team. If they do not do those things, then mentioning their names will not help your application. Instead, further develop the reasons you chose the university. Consider its mechanical engineering lab and how it can help you better develop the engine. What sort of research do you hope to accomplish with the support of the university? Why should the university take note of this interest of yours? How do these relate to your 5 year career plan?

You will find that once you apply the corrections I indicated, the essay will be tighter, better informed, and more helpful towards your SOP.