My initial SoP was written more as a business cover letter but I read a few articles that said that was boring and not the way to go.
I'm trying to do the "put yourself in their shoes" test and feel my SoP is too full of fluff and personal information. However, when I read the sample SoPs provided to me by my mentor and one of my professors they were even "fluffier" than mine.
I've taken so many passes at this thing I've lost all perspective on it. I want to be clear and concise but I have a checkered history that I MUST address in order for my application to be effective at all.
I'd appreciate any constructive feedback and thank you! Prompts were to keep it under 1000 words and include relevant academic and professional experience. Also, since I was academically dismissed from a school, I was strongly encouraged to include and explanation of that as well.
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The house is a ramshackle one-story near Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York. I look at my paper-work where the underlined words "gut renovation?" are written and I cross them out. This house has not been redone. It's not even in particularly good condition. At 800 square feet, this house is about 1/3 the size of the average home in America.
Despite all that, the house turns out to be worth $700,000. Conservatively.
Not in Central Park East, not San Francisco with a bay view. Coney Island. The data is right there in front of me. It's irrefutable. The year is 2006 and as a Real Estate Appraiser, I am one of thousands of people at all levels of the housing industry who put their heads down, do their jobs and don't ask questions as to why patently ridiculous things - like homes tripling in value in five years - have become the norm.
Over the years, I have come to believe in my own intellect and my intellect as not serving me well in the professional world. I want the opportunity to be in a position where asking difficult questions isn't an irritant to my coworkers or a hindrance to my job performance but the first step towards effecting real change. I want to be a part of that rarefied braintrust that helps to make this country better; I want to be involved in public policy.
My initial experience with post-secondary education was, by traditional measures, a failure. I was a student at Loyola University in Maryland between 2002 and 2004, and was ultimately dismissed after obtaining a cumulative 1.9 GPA. I was young and stupid and hubristic. I regret my decisions back then every day. At that point in my life, I wasn't ready for academia and for that, I am deeply ashamed.
I entered the workforce rather than returning to my studies. Since 2004, I have been employed as a full-time real estate appraiser, and my professional experiences over the past several years have been directly responsible for my nascent interest in public policy and subsequent return to scholarly work.
As a real estate appraiser I have borne first-hand witness to the awesome impact that policy decisions can have - from seeing sprawling MacMansions built with speculated money in 2005 to inspecting half-destroyed bank-owned properties in the South Bronx and Northeastern Staten Island since the subprime meltdown. It was only by leaving academia that I saw the true consequence of policy decisions, which ultimately motivated me to resume my studies.
Upon returning to college in 2009, through two transfers culminating in my present studies at Stony Brook University, I have achieved a 3.96 GPA while still working full time. It is because of my early failures, not in spite of them, that I believe myself to be an excellent candidate for this program.
Over the course of my undergraduate studies I have assisted Professors with doctoral-level research projects and developing undergraduate classroom curricula. In addition, I am currently a teaching assistant in a 300-level course wherein I am charged with regular review sessions that the students have described to me as invaluable to their understanding of the coursework. I am a competent and confident classroom manager and more importantly, I absolutely love teaching. I have also used my time as an undergraduate to hone my skills as a researcher, knowing that research skills will be essential in my graduate-level studies (and having intended to complete a doctoral program since returning to school).
I am particularly interested in the macro-political outlook of Professor Stimson. His idea of the dynamic movement of voters has been enormously influential to me. I am, however, hoping to apply this kind of macro-level lens to examine institutional relationships within the U.S. In that regard, both Dr. McGuire's study of the Supreme Court and Dr. Roberts' of the Congress have long drawn my attention to the University of Pennsylvania.
I am professional by trade but an academic by disposition. I have the zealousness of a convert - someone who nearly missed his calling and is supremely grateful to have found it again. It is my sincere belief that that enthusiasm, coupled with my practical and professional background , make me an outstanding candidate to carry the banner of the University of Pennsylvania as a scholar and an alumnus.
I'm trying to do the "put yourself in their shoes" test and feel my SoP is too full of fluff and personal information. However, when I read the sample SoPs provided to me by my mentor and one of my professors they were even "fluffier" than mine.
I've taken so many passes at this thing I've lost all perspective on it. I want to be clear and concise but I have a checkered history that I MUST address in order for my application to be effective at all.
I'd appreciate any constructive feedback and thank you! Prompts were to keep it under 1000 words and include relevant academic and professional experience. Also, since I was academically dismissed from a school, I was strongly encouraged to include and explanation of that as well.
---------------------------------------------------------
The house is a ramshackle one-story near Coney Island in Brooklyn, New York. I look at my paper-work where the underlined words "gut renovation?" are written and I cross them out. This house has not been redone. It's not even in particularly good condition. At 800 square feet, this house is about 1/3 the size of the average home in America.
Despite all that, the house turns out to be worth $700,000. Conservatively.
Not in Central Park East, not San Francisco with a bay view. Coney Island. The data is right there in front of me. It's irrefutable. The year is 2006 and as a Real Estate Appraiser, I am one of thousands of people at all levels of the housing industry who put their heads down, do their jobs and don't ask questions as to why patently ridiculous things - like homes tripling in value in five years - have become the norm.
Over the years, I have come to believe in my own intellect and my intellect as not serving me well in the professional world. I want the opportunity to be in a position where asking difficult questions isn't an irritant to my coworkers or a hindrance to my job performance but the first step towards effecting real change. I want to be a part of that rarefied braintrust that helps to make this country better; I want to be involved in public policy.
My initial experience with post-secondary education was, by traditional measures, a failure. I was a student at Loyola University in Maryland between 2002 and 2004, and was ultimately dismissed after obtaining a cumulative 1.9 GPA. I was young and stupid and hubristic. I regret my decisions back then every day. At that point in my life, I wasn't ready for academia and for that, I am deeply ashamed.
I entered the workforce rather than returning to my studies. Since 2004, I have been employed as a full-time real estate appraiser, and my professional experiences over the past several years have been directly responsible for my nascent interest in public policy and subsequent return to scholarly work.
As a real estate appraiser I have borne first-hand witness to the awesome impact that policy decisions can have - from seeing sprawling MacMansions built with speculated money in 2005 to inspecting half-destroyed bank-owned properties in the South Bronx and Northeastern Staten Island since the subprime meltdown. It was only by leaving academia that I saw the true consequence of policy decisions, which ultimately motivated me to resume my studies.
Upon returning to college in 2009, through two transfers culminating in my present studies at Stony Brook University, I have achieved a 3.96 GPA while still working full time. It is because of my early failures, not in spite of them, that I believe myself to be an excellent candidate for this program.
Over the course of my undergraduate studies I have assisted Professors with doctoral-level research projects and developing undergraduate classroom curricula. In addition, I am currently a teaching assistant in a 300-level course wherein I am charged with regular review sessions that the students have described to me as invaluable to their understanding of the coursework. I am a competent and confident classroom manager and more importantly, I absolutely love teaching. I have also used my time as an undergraduate to hone my skills as a researcher, knowing that research skills will be essential in my graduate-level studies (and having intended to complete a doctoral program since returning to school).
I am particularly interested in the macro-political outlook of Professor Stimson. His idea of the dynamic movement of voters has been enormously influential to me. I am, however, hoping to apply this kind of macro-level lens to examine institutional relationships within the U.S. In that regard, both Dr. McGuire's study of the Supreme Court and Dr. Roberts' of the Congress have long drawn my attention to the University of Pennsylvania.
I am professional by trade but an academic by disposition. I have the zealousness of a convert - someone who nearly missed his calling and is supremely grateful to have found it again. It is my sincere belief that that enthusiasm, coupled with my practical and professional background , make me an outstanding candidate to carry the banner of the University of Pennsylvania as a scholar and an alumnus.