there is no topic. it's a supplement essay. please be as critical as possible. i promise i won't be offended :)
I have noticed that cars in the right lane tend to move at a steady and even pace. New lanes may be added in the middle, but the right lane is the one constant path that remains the same regardless of nearby conditions. Economics is the same way. It strictly relies on math and logistics. Just as economies cannot operate outside the production possibilities curve, so too China cannot support unrestricted population growth. From an economic perspective, China's One Child Policy is absolutely necessary.
However, economics is insufficient in explaining why I will never be able to have any siblings. It cannot provide my parents another child if I became disabled from an accident. It also cannot guarantee me that someone will spoon pureed vegetables into my mom's mouth or that someone will help my dad put on his flannel shirt at night when he becomes unable to do so by himself in twenty years. Economics simply does not account for this.
On the other hand, public policy tries to accommodate these factors. However, it is essentially a left lane trying to merge right; if no spaces are available or if no cars are willing to let it in, it simply cannot force itself onto the right lane. Eventually, the broken infrastructure can no longer be hidden. Although the One Child Policy has mitigated the food and land burden, it will soon sever all ties in China except for parent-child and grandparent-grandchild. A single child will then become responsible for supporting not only two parents but also four grandparents. Furthermore, with an inadequate social security system, the problem is only worsened. Although public policy may try to correct these problems, economic restraints often prevent any real change.
I have realized that economics and public policy do not form that neat perpendicular intersection found in a driver's ed handbook. Rather, the situation is more like a merge sign, warning the two intersecting lanes.
it is essentially a car in the left lane trying to merge right
ontointo the right
I really like your analogy - hope these suggestions help - please review mine too
thanks, i really appreciate the advice and i fixed the mistakes. i'll look up at yours right now.
this sentence seemed out of place for me: Eventually, the broken infrastructure can no longer be hidden. was it refering to the one child policy?
i know you said there is not prompt, but i feel like, while your essay if well-written, it does not express enough about you. when i read it, i understand your view points and think it's a good analogy, but i don't hear enough about your personality. a lot question are left unanswered. are you writing about this because it interests you? do you think the one child policy should be abolish? are you planning on pursuing a political science/international relationship career?
when you get a chance, i would really love some help on my essay too! (:
nikamonser, how do you think i can make it more personal? i tried to incorporate more of myself into it but it just doesnt fit. i am interested in pursuing a major in economics and public policy.
bump, i would really appreciate more feedback. i promise to return the favor!
Economics is the same way. It strictly relies on math and logistics. Feel like you didn't relate back to the comparison of how economics is constant
It cannot provide my parents another child if I
becamebecome disabled from an accident.
Umm, wow! The fact that you could relate driving, economics, and the China One Child Policy is amazing! Really really good essay!
Look at mine pleaseeee!
thank you for your suggestions. i will read yours right now!
This is really good!! Nice analogy and everything! I didn't see any grammar mistakes. Only thing would be try to make a better transition between the public policy and economics (second and third paragraphs) it just seemed like a big transition (like when a stoplight goes from green to red. put in the yellow light please!)
I would love it if you would help me too!!
it relies strictly upon math and logistics and is largely unaffected by any other factors. ---I think I know what you mean here, but it seems like a very broad statement... that economics is largely unaffected by other factors, like what for example?
From an economic perspective, China's One Child Policy is a necessity.---I think one more sentence in this paragraph would be good... complete your point with one more sentence.
As I continue to read, I am amazed at the depth of your analysis. Some sentences at the beginning made me feel like you oversimplified things, but for the rest of the essay it is all very impressive. It is not that you oversimplified anything near the beginning; it is just that some of your statements can be taken the wrong way, as generalizations.