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SOP review - Drexel, MS in School of Biomedical Engineering,Science & Health Systems


eznora 1 / 4  
Mar 6, 2011   #1
Hello everyone,

Once I share my SOP draft, I want to say thank you to all "EssayForum.com" admins and moderators since they provide such a nice and conducive platform for many people.

I am preparing a personal essay for M.S. program in School of Biomedical Engineering,Science & Health Systems, Drexel University. Because of this admission process is critical as you know, I am so pleased if you criticize my essay. Your all suggestions and opinions are crucial and valuable for me. Thank you very much for now.

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"Our true mentor in life is science."-- Mustafa Kemal Ataturk

This speech has affected me since when I know myself. In addition to this, because of my attitude to life is about close-range with an Anatolian culture, I grew up with the maturity of Anatolia and its philosophy. It has said to me as similar as Mustafa Kemal. When we lend an ear to Hajji Bektash Wali is a mystic, humanist and philosopher from Anatolia, he said that "The biggest miracle is studying. And the science is a gleam lightens the paths to the truth." Under the lights of these, everything in my mind fell into place and all of the guidances combined their forces. By this mean, I am determined and eager to follow this road of the science and I know this is just the beginning.

I was good at Maths and also Physics at high school and also interested in Biology and Medicine specifically. I really enjoy researching and learning something about these areas as long as I know myself. Then I attended XXX University, Electronics Engineering Department which is one of the well-established educational university in Turkey. Later then, I realized that I have a chance to gravitate towards the electronics area which intersecting with the medicine area. Maybe this is my milestone to choose the biomedical engineering. Because, I had thought about Medicine but was always worried that I would miss the analytical parts of Maths and Physics. I like how the Biology, Maths, Engineering and Medicine is integrated right from the beginning of biomedical. Therefore, I would like to select to study at biomedical engineering department for M.S. and then for Ph.D.

According to this direction, in the undergraduate degree I took Systems Engineering, Quality Control, Signals and Systems, Signal Processing, Introduction to Biomedical Engineering and Biomedical Systems alongside of the classic electronics courses such as Circuit Analysis, Control Systems, Deterministic and Stochastic Processes, Microprocessors, Solid State Electronics etc. With all that multifarious courses, several pounces made contributions to my engineering vision and skills. So, in my first year at the department, I attended our university's solar car team, Hitit Gunesi. In the meantime, I joined Ankara University IEEE Student Branch Supervisory Board in 2009. Right after, I decided to make a line tracer robot with my friend to take part in competition, International METU Robotics Day, 2009. And our robot in the line tracers category was 24th of 153 robot. That was just a simple as well as suprising but important step for me. Furthermore, in the beginning of my last year at bachelor degree, I picked up a thesis project about monitoring respiratory signals which are collected with thermocouples and gauges from oral and nasal cavity also abdominal region with our own design device. As a part of this project I work with two of my friends and of course mentors; Assoc.Prof.Dr. XXX from XXX University, Chair of Electronics Engineering Department and Prof.Dr. YYY from YYY, Director of Department of Biomedical Engineering Center. Our aim for this thesis is to collect the signals and present these to doctors with an user interface. By means of an interface, the doctors can evaluate the signals and calculate the important parameters. For example, parameters such as a sleep apnea syndrome. Apart from these, due to the fact that my university has competitive grade system, my current CGPA is 3.12/4.00 - expected 3.20 at the end of my undergraduate degree.

Moreover, I did my internship in 2010 at the Defense Systems Technologies Department - Test Engineering Division of YYY. During my internship, I dealt with my main project about controlling the PXI DAQ, analog output and arbitrary waveform generator modules with computer - using MS Visual C#. Besides, I attended and observed some transducer tests in trust with an engineer in charge of me. Additively, I got some points about how a test platform is built up in software base and using this platform what I can do.

Actually, there is no doubt that Drexel is the one of the most outstanding university all over the world. It manifests itself offering wide range of courses not only about the technical side but also the entrepreneurship side to the Biomedical Engineering students. As starting out from this point, Drexel's great amount of success in the Biomedical Systems and Imaging area and especially the field of Neuroengineering has affected me to apply for graduate program. I am also very intrigued with good facilities such as (zzz facility), Neuroengineering labs and centers for researches and special oppurtunities like Co-op program. Thus, I want to widen my knowledge of biomedical systems by means of integrating skills, techniques and notion of Engineering and Medicine. I am interested in the research maintained by Dr. XXX and Dr. YYY about functional optical brain imaging (fNIR) to monitor cognitive activity.

Concordantly, I hope to be part of a great university is integrated research and design also industry. By dint of my sedulity, excitement, determination and passion, I will contribute more energy into the works and at the same time definitely gain huge amount of precious experiences from my education.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 8, 2011   #2
thank you to all "EssayForum.com"

You are welcome!! Thanks for being here.

This speech These words have affected me for as long as I have known myself.

In addition to this, because of my attitude to in life is about close-range with an heavily influenced by Anatolian culture, I grew...

I was good at Maths mathematics and also physics at high school, I became interested in biology and medicine specifically.

According to moving in this direction, in the undergraduate degree program I took Systems Engineering, Quality Control, Signals and Systems, Signal Processing, Introduction to...

Right after _____ (right after what?), I decided to...

Actually, there is no doubt that Drexel is the one of the most outstanding university universities all over the world. It manifests itself offering a wide range...

Powerful writing here... You did a great job with this essay!!
shreejith84 1 / 2  
Mar 8, 2011   #3
When we lend an ear to Hajji Bektash Wali is ;a mystic, humanist and philosopher from Anatolia, he once said that "The biggest miracle is studying and science is a gleam that lightens the path(You cannot have several path) to the truth".

I was good at Maths and also Physics at high school, I became interested in biology and medicine specifically.

I really enjoy researching and learning something about these areas as long as I know myself , since the time I have known myself.

Then I attended XXX University, Electronics Engineering Department which is one of the well-established educational university in Turkey.

Later then, I realized that I have a the chance to gravitate towards the electronics area which , intersecting with the medicine area. or (Later then, I realized that I have the chance to gravitate towards a field of study which encompases electronics and medicine.)

Because, I had thought about Medicine but was always worried that I would miss the analytical parts of Maths and Physics.

Rest of the content is pretty good. Hope my suggestions were helpful.
OP eznora 1 / 4  
Mar 9, 2011   #4
Thanks for all comments...

I am going to take into consideration... All of the points are really crucial. Thanks again!

And there is a limiting factor which is 500-600 words for Drexel, MS in School of Biomedical Engineering,Science & Health Systems. Mine is 860 words. Does it affect my acceptance process negatively?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 11, 2011   #5
Mine is 860 words. Does it affect my acceptance process negatively

Well, yes... the person judging the essays may feel that you have an unfair advantag over the other applicants. So, they might discriminate against you...

But every piece of writing can be improved with the elimination of some sentences! That is the refinement. :-)
OP eznora 1 / 4  
Mar 13, 2011   #6
Thanks a lot again...


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