Personal Statement for KGSP (Graduate): Application to POSTECH

Hello, I would like to seek help with my essay. This is a personal statement for my application for graduate studies at POSTECH.
I'd like to hear some feedback regarding grammar and structure. As well as the coherence of ideas in my essay. Please also indicate if I need to add something to strengthen my case. Thank you!

PERSONAL STATEMENT

o Motivations with which you apply for this program
o Your education and work experience in relation to the KGSP
o Reason for studying in Korea
o Any other aspects of your background and interests which may help us evaluate your aptitude and passion for graduate study or research.

Over the last years, there has been a growing demand in the career opportunities for data scientists. With that in mind, I would like to complement my four years of work experience in the IT industry, particularly in Java web application development with a graduate degree in Industrial Engineering and Management at Pohang University of Science and Technology (POSTECH). I obtained my Bachelor's Degree in Applied Mathematics Major in Operations Research from the AB University last June 2015. During my studies, I have learned various techniques in operations research including Optimization, Statistics, Numerical Analysis, Queuing Theory, Decision Theory, etc.

During an internship in a geothermal plant, I was given the chance to apply my learnings in a case study. I was tasked to investigate the pros and cons of merging three laboratories to minimize cost. In the beginning, I had difficulty choosing which method to use because of how the problem was broadly stated. But over the course of time, I was able to narrow the scope into studying the queuing of chemical samples from the three laboratories in the hopes of addressing the problem. However, I was not able to produce conclusive evidence regarding the effects of the merging of the three laboratories due to inconsistencies with the data of one of the laboratories. Still, the study revealed that additional manpower to one of their laboratories, and reallocation of the workload in another laboratory would be beneficial to their operations.

In addition to queuing analysis, the internship has also taught me three important points when it comes to handling data: (1) data collection, (2) data cleaning, and (3) data distribution. In data collection, it is important to identify the nature of the dataset. Since different mathematical models require varying assumptions regarding the data, I had to be careful when communicating with the chemists. This is to ensure that I am able to identify the correct set of data to perform queuing analysis. In data cleaning, I have found a couple of chemical samples that were missing parameters such as analysis end time while others had an unusual process time which extremely deviated from the median. I have managed to exclude them from the computation. In data distribution, being able to run tests and identify a specific data distribution has a significant effect on which queuing model to use. In general, data distribution dictates the possible minimum and maximum values the dataset could have and could also be helpful in identifying outliers.

For the past 5 years, POSTECH has consistently made it to the list of top Asian universities, and have a good reputation when it comes to research particularly the Department of Industrial Engineering and Management. I believe that studying in POSTECH would help me further develop my research skills in the field of Big Data, particularly on clustering algorithms. My undergraduate thesis was about a hybrid algorithm between a density-based clustering algorithm and a nature-inspired metaheuristic algorithm entitled XXXXX. Given the chance, I would still like to continue doing research on these kinds of topics.

The idea of living abroad excites me not only because of the great opportunities that lie ahead but also because of the invaluable life experiences it has to offer - a sense of independence, friendship across borders, and expansion of the professional network. Last 2013, I had the opportunity to become a short-term exchange student in Japan for 10 days. That experience made me realize that the world is big and that I should not confine myself within the bounds of my comfort. Living in C. City I encounter a lot of Koreans on a daily basis. They must have liked the beautiful beaches here in our country. I am also hoping to go to Korea someday to appreciate what the country has to offer and through KGSP, I am eager to learn the Korean language Hangeul to better understand and appreciate the Korean culture.

Hello,
Your writing is really well done, and it is really focused on what you want to study. However, in the last paragraph, I would delve deeper into why Korea and the KGSP. Maybe talk about a specific memory you have with one of the Koreans in C. City that made you interested in their culture? At the moment that piece is lacking and seems like you don't really care if it's Korea or a different country. The essay can be a full page, so you have *some* room to lengthen that piece of your essay.

Grammar edit:
1. "regarding the effects of the three laboratories merging. . .
2. "But Over the course of time

I'm actually also applying for this same scholarship for graduate school, so if you want to look at my paper for ideas (or to edit) as well it's posted on this website.

Kristian, do not include cookie cutter information about the university. Your choice of university should not be based on rankings or reputation. Instead, your choice of university should be based on what you want to learn and why, based upon university comparisons, POSTECH is the best fit for your academic requirements. What made the university stand out in terms of consideration? I would focus my choice of university on the continuing research that was indicated in the paragraph. That way you show the reviewer a teaser of what your study plan might be and more importantly, the relationship of the KGSP to your educational requirements.

Your reason for studying in Korea is insufficient. You should discuss your reasons for choosing the country based on the current accomplishments of Korea in the field that you wish to study. What makes the Korean sector of industrial engineering one that you wish to learn from? What do you admire most about their industrial engineers and why? The social aspect should be the last consideration for your reason to study in Korea. You can integrate your experience among Koreans with your admiration for their work ethic and quality of education instead.