STATEMENT OF PURPOSE- MANUFACTURING TECHNOLOGY PROGRAM- ESSAY OF A SATELLITE DESIGN ENGINEER

COULD SOME KIND SOUL REVIEW MY STATEMENT OF PURPOSE AND POINT OUT FLAWS :)

Respected Sir/Madam

I would like to thank you for giving me this opportunity to introduce myself in order to apply for the Master of Manufacturing Technology (MMT) program. I obtained my Bachelor of Engineering degree with specialisation in Industrial and Production Engineering from the prestigious P.E.S College of Engineering affiliated to Visvesvaraya Technological University, Karnataka, India in 2015 standing second in my class with a cumulative GPA of 8.96/10. I was also awarded at various national and state level conferences for creditable performance.

My ultimate objective is to help my home country achieve the international benchmarks of manufacturing like those achieved by German organisations. German engineering is internationally recognised as synonymous with superior quality and reliability. My association with the space program of my home country is one of the important steps that I have taken towards realising this goal. However, during this tenure I have realised that slow rate of modernisation and delay in upgrading technological know-how are some of the biggest roadblocks towards achieving the said objective. In order to achieve this goal I need to gain further competence in the field of manufacturing and production engineering which the Master of Manufacturing Technology (MMT) program at the Technische Universität Dortmund will allow me to gain. Upon intense scrutiny of the course objectives and curriculum, I am convinced that the program is essential for me to attain my objectives. Further research leading to a PhD is one of my immediate priorities upon completion of my master's degree.

Pursuing my graduate education at a multicultural and multifaceted university such as the Technische Universität Dortmund enables me to improve my interpersonal skills. Further, I will also get the opportunity to evolve in an international environment giving me the opportunity to meet new people and empathise with different points of view. I am convinced that such an opportunity will enrich my perspectives. Given my academic record and professional experience, I feel that I will be able to match the standards of excellence that are embodied by Technische Universität Dortmund and it will be a privilege for me to attend this program. I look forward to your correspondence.

Thank you for reviewing my application

It is actually a great SOP as far as I can tell. Your thoughts flow coherently and your essay is cogent and well organised. Though I am not an expert (just finished my 3rd year engineering) I did apply in undergrad to some US institutes and one thing most relevant people told me was to avoid putting redundant, basic informations in your essay which are already pointed out in other parts of your Application package. Your First paragraph appears to be doing that. If you have something more important to say that may enhane your SOP then I think you might consider tweaking it a bit. Otherwise nothing else to say.

Saptarshi, let me start off by telling you that the format you have for your Statement of Purpose is all wrong. You are not supposed to write this as a formal letter since this is a formal essay. That said, the format of this type of essay follows the normal essay format and is best written within the specified word count. Removing the opening salutation that you have now will immediately fix the format of the essay. There is no need to formally greet the reviewer of your paper. Neither do you have to thank them for the opportunity to present yourself as a candidate for higher studies. Uou are note delivering an oratory speech nor defending a thesis. Therefore you have to delete the following from your introduction:



- Since you are applying for a specific field of higher study, you should use this opening to present your work experience as relevant to your future plans of study. Develop this line with more information about your professional experience.


- How exactly do your future plans for your career align with the course program offered by the university? How can they help you achieve these goals and what can you do for the university in the future? Be specific. Mention courses, notable names at the university you want to work with, etc.

In conclusion, it is always best to mention your short and long term goals after completing the program. The idea is to make your application stand out from the rest of the applicants and that can be done by showing them a unique plan you have for your future career.

It is important that you revise the essay using some of the guidelines that I have given you in order to create a more solid picture of who you are as a professional and as a student interested in higher studies. Add anything else that you feel might help highlight your application. It would be best if you work with us as you develop the final version of your application essay though so that it can be further polished and enhanced in the future.

Here's looking forward to your next draft :-)

- ...order to apply for the Masters of Manufacturing...
- ...University,in Karnataka,...
- I was also awarded atin various national and...
- ...state level conferences for creditableoutstanding performance.

- ...like those achieved by German organisationsorganizations .
- German engineering is internationally recognisedrecognized as synonymous ...
- ...I have realisedrealized that slow rate ...
- ...of modernisationmodernization and...
- ...Dortmund will enables me to improve...

I must say, your application essay is not that strong, I feel like it lacks the elements of a good admission essay. I suggest adding a few more sentences on what you mentioned as achievements and awards, also, I'm not sure if your just used to British english writing because of your spelling, however be careful with your spelling and make sure that you have your spell checker on all the time.