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"a subject-matter expert" -MBA essay (academic & career progress + goals)



Nasir_Ali 1 / 1  
Mar 23, 2011   #1
*I just want to say, I've put a lot of time and effort into this essay and would love any feedback regarding anything to improve its message*

approx 1800 words & 1500 word limit -> any place to cut 300?

ESSAY B:
What are your short and long-term career objectives after graduating from Thunderbird? How and why will a Thunderbird degree, combined with your past educational and professional experiences, enable you to achieve these objectives?


As a first-generation American, I was convinced that the most effective path towards the proverbial American dream was to follow the tried and proven route - major in business, secure an entry-level position, and climb the corporate-ladder. In the fall of 2001 I embarked on this journey, oblivious that my straightforward trajectory was about to be derailed by the most unimaginable event in American history - 9/11.

The world I knew underwent a rapid, irreversible transformation instantaneously. Shock, fear, and revenge filled the hearts of every American, while the White House seized public reaction to launch the War on Terror doctrine. As this prevailing narrative began to unfold, I found myself increasingly concerned about the long-term social/political effects of this strategy, as well as its economic implications.

This curiosity soon prompted me to the study of politics and international relations, where I learned about the philosophical ideologies and geopolitical frameworks that essentially shape human society and channel global economic activity. Further study of the cross-section of politics and economy revealed that the balance of powers was rapidly shifting.

In that moment, my interest in pursuing this academic subject began to deepen for three fundamental reasons: First, it was essential for developing a broad, global perspective. Second, it was highlighting the relationships between international issues and economic trends. Third, it was improving my ability to forecast critical shifts and possible opportunities in the future. During a period of such volatility, I saw this as an indispensable asset, especially before positioning a long-term, sustainable career in business. Nevertheless, I still needed a way to balance my academic interest with practical skills that would be relevant in the business world. Fortunately, I was already in place to accomplish this goal-- only at a far greater pace.

In late 2004, I joined a vibrant, entrepreneurial wireless retail company-- Pagecomm Wireless Inc (PCW) -- as a sales associate. The competitive retail environment and innovative wireless industry put me on an accelerated track towards interpersonal growth and technical awareness. Equally, the company's internal group dynamic and wide demographic spectrum provided me a tangible, interactive platform to visualize and appreciate many of the abstract, theoretical concepts that were often discussed in my business classes. These external factors, along with a personal interest in technology and genuine enthusiasm for helping people, allowed me to deliver clear value to my clientele and employer. Furthermore, it consistently kept me in the top 10% of company-wide sales performers.

In recognition of my strong salesmanship and teamwork, I was offered a position on the PCW management team as one of the five members leading a year-long, fifteen-outlet retail restoration project. However, accepting this major responsibility came with an inherently difficult trade-off: either postpone graduation with one semester remaining or forgo the opportunity to advance my management experience. Needless to say, I viewed this as a pragmatic approach to my earlier dilemma, so I accepted the management position as a challenge.

Despite fierce competition and limited resources, in six months our intense efforts led to major competitor fallout. This enabled PCW to take a rather aggressive market position. However, the company's exponential growth exposed numerous internal/external weaknesses among the fifteen locations. With market analysis in hand, I immediately recognized a win-win situation and approached the company senior partners with a proposal to add new organizational layers that would effectively stabilize overstressed portions of the retail infrastructure, thus materially improving the organizational structure's strength. Initially, they resisted, but after formally presenting my case, negotiating the terms, and waiting two months in the post-holiday retail freeze, we came to an agreement. Per the reorganization agreement, I was able to secure three of the fifteen sales channels as the youngest business partner/owner in the company's twenty-two year history.

The first of many invaluable lessons I learnt as an entrepreneur was essentially why time is indeed money. With a new appreciation for this conventional wisdom, I made it my utmost priority to have all three sales channels up and running independently. I worked feverishly for the next four months to get all operations of the initial start-up established- with considerable time spent on carefully building out the areas of human resource development, marketing, budgeting, and purchasing.

It was an intense, arduous process, but with the support of fifteen dedicated individuals, I succeeded in reaching this critical milestone. As a sign of my deep appreciation to the members that made this possible, I hosted a celebration dinner at one of the finest venues in the city of Chicago -- and took this opportunity to convey my ultimate vision going forward. Even before the night had ended, I could sense this effort was building the culture of camaraderie and individual sacrifice I so urgently needed to implement my turnaround strategy. As a result of reduced overhead expenses and slim profit margins, we increased our market presence among consumers, as well as, unwanted corporate competitors. Thus, another lesson was soon to be learnt.

As a small business owner, I had neither the resources nor capacity to endure a direct price war with the well-funded corporate retailers, but I did have one advantage: my ability to response faster to the constant evolution of market demand than larger, more rigid corporate companies. Hence, I adapted a new strategy that focused operations on supply-chain efficiency and effective inventory monitoring. In addition, I mandated innovative service protocols that assured consumers' complete satisfaction, thus raising customer retention and referral revenue. Ultimately, targeting these areas along with a number of other variables, gave us the competitive edge that led to a significant capture of the corporate consumer market and over $1.5 million in incremental gross revenue.

I was now heading into my second year of business with nearly a 700% return on investment and a healthy sense of accomplishment. Unfortunately, the end of the 2008 4th quarter also marked the beginning of the worst economic downturn in American history since the Great Depression.

As panic set in on Wall Street, so did the company's fear about our carrier partner, Sprint Nextel Corp. In a unilateral maneuver, PCW's President decided to drop Sprint and accept T-Mobile's precondition to restructure the organization for exclusive rights and commissions. Although watching our painstaking efforts vanish overnight was truly a heartbreaking moment, I hardly considered this defeat. On the contrary, I am deeply grateful to have received such a profound life/business lesson, particularly this early in my career.

The groundbreaking experience of leading an organization through all the phases of the business cycle has given me a broad and deep multidisciplinary introduction to entrepreneurship. This subject is a vast one, consider for a moment, the nature and scope of responsibilities of owning a business - particularly one as volatile as retail and complex as consumer electronics. What I learned from these experiences is certainly beyond the parameters of this brief essay. However, generally speaking, I believe the robust, versatile skill-sets that I have accumulated over the years will be vital in a number of professional management functions. For example, the P&L function alone, which entails calibrating the total sum of daily functions and operations on nearly a minute by minute basis, has dramatically increased my analytical capacity and significantly advanced my decision making process. On many levels, this holistic, in-depth experience has been a major source of personal growth, professional proficiency, and outlook. In retrospect, I could not have asked for a more comprehensive training course to prepare for the challenges ahead.

My goal now is to utilize the insights gained from my dynamic, two-year, independent business case study and launch a sustainable and meaningful career in the telecommunications industry. Ideally, my post-MBA career will involve collaborating with different business models and provide greater exposure to the various direct and peripheral factors critical to emerging technology markets. Specifically, I believe this objective will be reached by joining either the business/technology team of a major consulting firm or the strategic marketing department of a multinational technology corporation.

From there, my long-term focus is aimed at the prominent next-generation, informational and communication technology sector (ICT). In particular, I plan to become a subject-matter expert in emerging markets such as the Middle East and South Asian regions. Whether this ambition is manifested the firm as a senior partner, corporation as a regional manager, or start-up enterprise as a founding member, my ultimate purpose is to build and support technology-orientated ventures that are linked with efforts that promote cross-cultural awareness and education between the West and the Muslim World. It is my genuine belief that projects of this nature will perpetually undermine radicalized elements of each society and eventually restore the much-needed voice of rational, moderate individuals.

Given that my career progress thus far has provided such an appropriate platform to appreciate the art of business, I see no reason to delay comprehending the science that governs it. By investing an MBA education, I will categorically gain the perspective needed to launch the next phase of my professional journey. Indeed, to realize my vision, it is crucial I begin with a firm understanding of the universal language that link this borderless economy together. The multidisciplinary curriculum of an MBA, especially its quantitative emphasis on finance and accounting, is a logical bridge to cover this gap. Equally important, are the broad, qualitative subject-areas - including strategy, marketing, and management - that will build the conceptual frameworks needed to optimize my multifaceted business experiences and increase my professional value.

Of course, many MBA programs are capable of delivering this kind of rigorous academic nourishment. Yet, after an exhaustive study, it is unequivocally clear -- none are as holistically congruent with my personal expectations and professional aspirations as the Thunderbird School of Global Management. Academically, Thunderbird's "Truly Global" curriculum is unprecedented. In fact, with so many compelling courses to choose from -- including GF-5703, GST-5430, GF-4425, GF-5401, GF-4531-- I very pleased to learn about the option to customize a specific focus area.

Also, as part of my rational for pursing an MBA is to gain a broad, thoughtful perspective, I am equally excited about the opportunity to engage with such accomplished faculty members and diverse students of similar mindsets. I look forward to immersing myself in Thunderbird's vibrant culture and taking part in the number of extracurricular activities including student organizations like the Middle Eastern Club and International Development Association.

Finally, at the heart of my motivation, conviction, and decision to invest in a lifetime partnership with Thunderbird is the institution's underlying philosophy that genuinely recognizes the urgency and opportunity to bring ethical leadership back to the global economy. For me, this explicitly confirms my academic goal to gain a perspective that goes beyond bottom-line analysis and ultimately inspires me to become a T-Bird.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Mar 26, 2011   #2
Do this:
oblivious to the fact that...

Also, hearts cannot be filled with revenge, but instead with a desire for vengeance:
Shock, fear, and a desire for revenge filled ...

my ability to respond faster to the ...

In a piece of very important writing, try to always use a noun right after "this"
For me, this (add noun here) explicitly confirms my academic goal to gain a perspective that goes beyond bottom-line analysis and ultimately inspires me to become a T-Bird.

You did so well! I think you have nothing to worry about. The essay reflects your advanced understanding of business, versatility, and change. My most important advice is this: the first para should not end with the 911 statement. ADD a sentence after that. Let it be a thesis statement at the end of that first paragraph. Look at the whole essay and try to sum up its meaning in a single sentence. Put that sentence at the end of the first paragraph after the 911 sentence.

:-)
OP Nasir_Ali 1 / 1  
Mar 27, 2011   #3
Thanks for the feedback Kevin..

You make a valid point about adding a thesis statement at the end of the first paragraph, but I'm just not sure how to do that without breaking the flow of the story.. any suggestions?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13052  
Mar 28, 2011   #4
derailed by the most unimaginable event in American history - 9/11.
The world I knew underwent a rapid, irreversible transformation instantaneously. Shock, fear, and revenge filled the hearts

I see what you mean. These two sentences flow into one another.

Okay, one solution would be to put the first 2 paragraphs together as one long one, and it will end with this:
As this prevailing narrative began to unfold, I found myself increasingly concerned about the long-term social/political effects of this strategy, as well as its economic implications. (add a very short sentence here that mentions your intended major)

The thing I am thinking about is like this: make the reader feel total certainty and clarity about the subject of the essay. You have to make it idiot-proof, make it so that ANYONE who reads this and then is asked, "What was it about?" will easily answer, "It was about his intention so major in XXX because of his interest in YYYY, and he has even been doing ZZZZ because he is so serious about it.

Anyway, this is very good!


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