Thanks your revise and comments in advance, and I will try my best to help in return.
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I was born into the capital city of China, which allows me to experience a more colorful and less competitive childhood than many peers in rural areas. I live in a simple bourgeois life with my mother who divorced with my father when I was three years old. I am too lucky to have such a wise and energetic mother with whom I can grow and strive together. She taught me from early on the notion of being a qualified person before a talented one. After these years, I think I don't let her down.
Grown up in a large shabby community, I have a natural propensity to be sympathetic to common people and be respectful to their individuality. It was strange in the eyes of many teachers that I was friend to many trouble makers with low grades and students who were repulsed as eccentric. They appreciated my ingenuous, sincere and kind-hearted characteristics. Also, I give my my greeting to those people such as the guards in our library, the service women in our dormitory and so on, not because I want anything from them, but because I consider them good people, people who deserve my thanks.
Six years ago, I made it to get enrolled to the most renowned high school in China--Beijing No.4 High School. There I received a failure, which hallmarked my research set-off and kept fueling me to query for the right approach to research. At that time, I made a conjecture of the primordial bio-membrane, enlightened by braided ideas both from scientific magazines and an observation of my breakfast soup where bubbles on the surface tend to accumulate spontaneously. I tried to spare time to conduct experiments and search, but somewhat blindly I think. However, I cherished the failure as I learned how to accept the solitude of not being accepted and how to make connections with teachers who could help.
Three years ago, I narrowly missed Tsinghua University in the entrance exam and thankfully admitted by Zhejiang University. I chose mathematics as major, kind of paradoxically because I didn't do well in high school math. I wanted to drive out the fear with the help of some of the best professors I could find in this area. Some friends didn't understand me and considered it a waste of energy. But here I am, very happy with my experience and the fact that I have learned all my math courses very well.
With those genius students around, I come to realize my limitations much better than before. Instead, I decide to immerse myself in whatever engagement and ask for no achievement in return. Life is full of wonders, and I believe that it will pay one back if one pays enough. To talk about mathematical modeling, I am not successful in the sense of winning medals. I hoped that one day when I got ready I could handle it as the winners did. Last year, I knew I WAS ready when I assembled two classmates who are intelligent, modest and compatible as a team. We conducted a series of experiments, the best in which finally led to our later case-induced theoretical work (see Statement of Purpose) However, we mistakenly missed the contest that year--the last chance for undergraduate. But none of us could forget the good feelings about ourselves in the fierce discussion with insights shared, even in empty and cold classrooms or at tables open to heat and bugs. So, I proposed a self-motivated non-interested study and they agreed on that! Life pays. This year, we were granted permission to compete with masters and doctors by a professor who knew our story.
This is me, a boy who is driven by his desire to know more; a man who is reflective and self-rejuvenating regardless of struggles; and an applicants who now wants to pursue his dream in your program. And that's all my story.
Sorry, I did not understand: is it a separate document other than an SOP? I thought one would have an SOP (where you don't describe BIO and focus only on your undergrad experiences, i.e., not high school projects unless it was serious research) and a CV, where you give a rather detailed description of your education, research/work experience. I may be wrong, though.
Thanks for your reviewing. For your question, it may not apply to you, but this History Statement is required by some school, but very few, like Berkeley and U Michigan and some California universities.
It is different from SOP and here is the requirement from Berkeley:
Please describe how your personal background informs your decision to pursue a graduate degree. Please include information on how you have overcome barriers to access higher education, evidence of how you have come to understand the barriers faced by others, evidence of your academic service to advance equitable access to higher education for women, racial minorities, and individuals from other groups that have been historically underrepresented in higher education, evidence of your research focusing on underserved populations or related issues of inequality, or evidence of your leadership among such groups.
And U Michigan:
- How have your background and life experiences, including cultural, geographical, financial, educational or other opportunities or challenges, motivated your decision to pursue a graduate degree at the University of Michigan?
- For example, if you grew up in a community where educational, cultural, or other opportunities were either especially plentiful or especially lacking, you might discuss the impact this had on your development and interests. This should be a discussion of the journey that has led to your decision to seek a graduate degree.
- Please do not repeat your Academic Statement of Purpose.
I guess the school requires me to tell such stories, though I am not sure whether I do a good job in the sense of being articulating.
I just looked through your SOP and the only word that came to my mind was "strong". Really impressed by your abundance of achievements and strong motivation for academics!
Boren,
I see, thank you for explaining this. Yes, it is not something that is usually required.
I just looked through your SOP and the only word that came to my mind was "strong". Really impressed by your abundance of achievements and strong motivation for academics!
Thank you very much for the kind words. The only problem is that I am not quite young.
In fact, it turns out that I have to write a personal history statement as well :-((( I am not sure that I can prove that getting a degree on my side can help underrepresented groups. Sorry, but this might be a problem with you essay as well. And now I started to realize how hard it would be.
I have one suggestion: make your essay more positive. Americans in general don't like negative statements. If you failed to enter such and such university, just don't say this! Say, that entering such and such university was hard, but you did it (actually I think that Zhejiang university wasn't easy to get it in!!! for people less clever than you). You should clearly outline the challenges that you had and how you overcame them. Talking about positive statements again. Don't say that you did not do well at math in high school! This is negative. It is better to say that studying at such and such university helped you to greatly improve your math skills.
You said that you missed that competition: forget about it and don't write. Just describe the insights and good feelings and all the nice things that accompanied that team work! Same true for the SOP. You should avoid any negative things there.
itman,
Thanks for your specific and timely feedback!!Great to discuss on this PHS with you:)
In fact, I want to encompass two topics in this PHS: My undiscriminating empathy and my overcoming of barriers.
In my understanding, though may be wrong, one's intention to help is expected more in PHS than one's ability to do so, which should be revealed in CV and SOP. That is why I wrote about my empathy to people around me. Most my childhood friends quit school early and now serve in all walks of life. You know, at that time , some of the once high-grade classmates were told not to be friend with those "bad guys". But I grew up just among them and considered them my brothers. So I have this natural propensity to put myself in the shoes of common people. The same idea goes to my other statement in the 2nd paragraph, which I want to communicate to the readers.
As for the barrier part, I consider the PHS a statement of what makes one's academic preparation (like the beginning story in your SOP) while in the SOP one should focus on the future potential. So I wrote those barriers here. Yet as a ESL student I didn't realize that it might seem too negative. Thanks for your advice and I will try to modify those parts.
Thanks again and nice to talk to you!!
Best wishes!!
No problem. Can you somehow emphasize that after getting a degree (perhaps in the final paragraph) you will be able help not-so-good-people to succeed? Berkeley (as a public school) apparently has some kind of an affirmative action program: they work towards increasing the number of people from under-represented groups. They also want you describe how you can potentially help those people.
Good suggestion and I will follow:) I am so lucky to receive your help~~
