ESSAY QUESTION 1
Please explain why you are applying to a team-based MBA, what you expect to bring to this program, and what you expect the challenges and rewards of this learning model might be. (Not to exceed 500 words)
Ants in a group can be monstrous - remember those red rashes on your hands, tigers hunt for flesh in groups, elephants bathe in groups. They all have chosen the power of unity as the key for survival in the wild. Coming to us humans, can one be called a leader, without a team or a group of people. In other words, a leader is not born in isolation, somewhere in the Himalayas, instead he/she is among us in this very team. The existence of a leader is directly related to the existence of the team.
Knowing that if my career graph has to take that perfect curve I want it to and that leaders are born from teams, I have to first learn to be effective working in diverse teams. I am applying to a team-based MBA also because till now I have been successful working and learning in teams.
Like many of us, I began my career joining a team of software developers and again like many of us, I had to face a tough situation where two of my seniors disliked each other. This was indirectly affecting my work, in that I did not receive proper guidance that was necessary for a new comer. I could not question both of them for such behavior nor could I command them to act in harmony. But I had to find a way if I had to make my 8 hours in office happy and comfortable. Since I easily get along with people, I could talk to them during lunch breaks and then over a period of time of conscious efforts, I was able to break the ice between the two.
In a team, can you perform well when you are feeling out of place, constantly think why did this person say this or that, why am I not given x responsibility and she has been given etc. These are the thoughts that haunted one of my peers when I was asked to step up into the role of a team lead. He simply would not cooperate with the team in anyway. There was another thing that bothered him the most - the fact that I was a girl and was given extra responsibility and he wasn't. I had the perfect there - pressure from my manager for outputs, tight deadlines from my client and no cooperation from my team. This time it was a sensitive issue because I had to deal with the male ego and not just the peer competition. I reasoned that it would be a good learning experience for all of us and thus encouraged each member of the team to take up project management activities, prepare estimates, handle billing issues and thus shared the extra responsibilities of a team lead. This brought us to a common ground and bound us really close. The outcome was fabulous - we became the youngest team to provide maximum number of solutions to the client, on average 30% more. We were recognized for this within the unit. Thus, my ability to understand people, to bring them to a common platform, to think in a win-win angle and be fair in judgment, while constantly trying to improve myself personally and excel in my endeavors, will effortlessly come to the X school's team-based program.
I believe, anything good is always complemented by something bad. Hence, the wonderful team-based learning model should come in a full package with its own set of challenges. Though, my nature lets me seamlessly adjust to the team, at Queen's I believe I will have to face completely different set of challenges. If my mother and I are so different, being in the same country, same house, same atmosphere, then I wonder how diverse the team I will work with at X will be - People from different countries, with different working styles, personalities, cultural biases etc, but with a common team goal. How will you motivate them, how will you tell a senior member within the team that he is not right on some aspect without hurting his ego, how will you deal with bad days without blame game and still learn to have good days. I am excited to know!! I look forward to these challenges that I may face in my near future.
The program will allow me to learn from my diverse classmates, while understanding my personal strengths and weaknesses and building on them. Walking out of the X's MBA program after having successfully married to a diverse team and having shared mixed feelings of joy and sorrow, I will emerge out strong and confident in handling any such team in future. I will win a new family and friends for lifetime, who in future may be my business partners. This is the award I am going to walk away with from this program.
I have a question also -
Since the essay needs to be shortened to 500 words, should I remove the 4th paragraph about male ego? Does it give a negetive impression about me being biased or something like that? I mentioned it because it is very common and prevalant in most parts? If you feel I have to remove, would the following do ie club the 3rd and 4th as
Like many of us, I began my career joining a team of software developers and again like many of us, I had to face a tough situation where two of my seniors disliked each other. This was indirectly affecting my work, in that I did not receive proper guidance that was necessary for a new comer. I could not question both of them for such behavior nor could I command them to act in harmony. But I had to find a way if I had to make my 8 hours in office happy and comfortable. Since I easily get along with people, I could talk to them during lunch breaks and then over a period of time of conscious efforts, I was able to break the ice between the two. Thus, my ability to understand people, to bring them to a common platform, to think in a win-win angle and be fair in judgment, while constantly trying to improve myself personally and excel in my endeavors, will effortlessly come to the X school's team-based program.
Good opening paragraph! Really liked it. You also did well in showing your relevant accomplishments.
Your essay is hard to read in some places, you really need to apply some polish to it.
I think it's okay to mention male ego as an issue since you're not trying to generalize, instead you're just saying you had do deal with male ego in this particular situation.
A few suggestions below. I'm no expert in English, so my suggestions might be faulty.
Ants in a group can be monstrous ( remember those red rashes on your hands?) , tigers hunt...
...can one be called a leader, without a team or a group of people?
Knowing that if my career graph has to take that perfect curve I want it to and that leaders are born from teams, I have to first learn to be effective working in diverse teams. -- very long. I stumbled and reread 2 times to get it. I think you might want to rewrite this sentence.
I am applying for a team-based MBA also because until now... I would convert "also" in this sentence into "Another reason for applying..."
I began my career by joining a team...
I could not question both of them for such behavior, nor could I
But I had to find a way out if I wanted to make my 8 hours in the office happy and comfortable.
Can you perform well in a team , when you are feeling out of place, constantly thinking why did this person say this or that, why am I not given x responsibility but she has been given etc?
He simply would not cooperate with the team in any way .
I had the perfect there... -- smth's missing here.
Even though my nature lets me seamlessly adjust to the team, at Queen's I believe I will have to face a completely different set of challenges.
If my mother and I are so different, being in the same country, same house, same atmosphere, then I wonder how diverse the team I will work with at X will be - p eople from different countries, with different working styles, personalities, cultural biases etc, but with a common team goal. -- this sentence is very strange. "but with a common team goal" -- seems out of place here. You might want to move this observation into a separate sentence. It doesn't match with the purpose of contrasting in this sentence.
It also felt strange you'd use "my mother and I are so different" example, if you've already told how you worked in a team elsewhere. It's hard to explain, but it feels wrong in here.
I am excited to know!
Hope this helps.
Thank you so much, I'll take care of them.
Because I am over the word limit, I still think about clubbing the two. What is your take on that??
Can I rework what you suggested as follows (replacing mother with a teammate) -
If my teammate and I are so differnt, being brought up in similar towns, living in same cities, sharing similar culture,and belonging almost to the same agegroup, then I wonder...
Thank you again!!
About clubbing the two -- I don't think you should.
Each of those paragraphs has a primary thing -- a moment from your life, an experience that you are proud of, a definite accomplishment. If needed, it might actually be expressed in just one sentence. Everything else, that supports the story and allows you to describe this experience, is secondary. I think you can identify those "supporting" bits of the story which don't necessarily enhance the overall flow and quality of the story. I think it's wrong to throw out some core pieces, when you can just get rid of something secondary.
Actually, if you go through your whole essay with this in mind, you'll probably go from 800 words you have now to under 500.
And yes, I wanted to suggest to put your teammates there too.
If members of my current team and I are so different, living in one city, sharing similar culture and being of almost same age, then I wonder how diverse my team at X will be! People from different countries having different working styles, personalities, cultural biases and millions other things different. -- how about that? Seems to read a lot easier.
Sorry... was out of town and so couldn't reply.
Thank You so much. I'll try to reduce the word count keeping the content. Also, the team members seems fine. Will add that instead.
Thanks again!!
