Hello everyone! My name is Yi and I am currently applying to the Duke MMS program. The deadline is approaching, so please help me to check if there are grammar mistakes and whether the content is appropriate. Please feel free to give me advice. Thank you!
1. I was born in the city of Ruijin, the exact place where the famous Long March embarked.
2. I am proud of my Chinese handwriting. I started practicing calligraphy since I was a pupil.
3. I enjoy swimming. When I was a novice at swimming, however, I could not make my body remain floating as I lifted my head out of the water. This stagnation lasted long until I suddenly found that this motion should be made through the upward force during the press phase of the arm action. With this epiphany, I quickly made progress and I can now swim freely.
4. I am a Sherlock Holmes and Harry Potter fan. I visited 221B Baker Street in London, but unfortunately, I did not have the opportunity to explore Oxford.
5. I designed postcards using the photos I took myself and sent them to my friends. I use this way to share my jouney.
6. I sometimes send postcards to myself; I have collected about 20 cards so far.
7. I tend to expose myself to new things. I want to try the Blob Jump someday.
8. I sometimes analyze the plot's coherence while watching TV series or movies.
9. I am keen on reflecting on and analyzing real-world problems. Once when I was in an overly crowded metro with no fidgeting, I started to calculate the maximum capacity of one single metro train in my head. By estimating the length and width of the cabin, and making some simple assumptions, I figured out the amount of approximately 300 persons per cabin. The result proved to be reasonable when I later looked up on the internet.
10. My initial interest to the economics was inspired by Gary Becker, the memorable economist who pioneered in using economic analysis to explain human behaviors
11. Model deduction is arduous, but once you dive yourself into it and obtain the result finally, you'll definitely have a sense of accomplishment. That is the very charm of economics to me.
12. After learning Intermediate Macroeconomics, I made up a little story which connects the different economics schools together and distinguishes their distinctions.
13. Working hard does not always lead to good results, but I keep persistent and resilient and never give up. I believe that setbacks make one stronger; the progressive efforts made will eventually be rewarded.
14. When I was pursuing my study in UK, there was one course that I extremely wanted to take was initially inaccessible for exchange student. So I tried to express my desire to the lecturer and the department coordinator. After several discussions, the module was eventually open to all exchange students. Later I was told that there had been no precedents like this.
15. When playing Cards against Humanity with roommates, I could not always understand the cards, but I did win most of the time through my reverse analysis.
16. During my stay in UK, by travelling around European countries, living and communicating with people of different backgrounds, I experienced diverse cultures and acquired many new perspectives.
17. My first internship was regarding to human resource. In the work of attendance checking, I did not just record, rather I investigated the reasons possibly lying behind the employees' abnormal attendances.
18. I work efficiently. I once verified over 100 employees' online training information, within two hours, including the names, dates of birth, registration numbers, registered courses and course codes.
19. During my time as an asset management intern, I voluntarily connected the printer's scanner with the working computers, alleviating the high operating pressure of the professional desktop scanner.
20. I maintained amicable relationships with my colleagues and fellows. If there were no assignments allotted to me by my mentor, I would proactively share their tasks.
21. I don't cook by completely following the recipe; I prefer adding my own ideas during the process.
22. I have always been the planner of a team travel, well designing itineraries and booking accommodations.
23. As a team leader of several group works, I assigned tasks and coordinated with others effectively so that the work could be accomplished quite well within a tight deadline. I also dealt with conflicts amongst teammates efficiently.
24. Learning a computer skill is about practicing. To be more proficient in the use of Stata, I not only spent time in library reading reference books or watching relevant videos, but obtained mass datasets online to self-practice statistical regressions.
25. I learned Matlab by myself. I once employed it to help my dad to form a portfolio based on the 6-month performance of the GEM stocks.
26. I voluntarily taught English at my junior high school for 10 days during the summer vacation of my sophomore year.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Yi, you are sharing some pretty important facts here. However, the bad grammar and overly long sentences need to be dealt with in a professional manner. I'll just revise the necessary numbers for you if you don't mind. I'll number them so that you can keep track of what to change in your original work.
1. I was born in Ruijin, where the Long March began.
2. I have been a proud practitioner of Calligraphy since I was a child.
3. I enjoy swimming but only learned to float when learned to lift my head in the water one I pressed down my arm in the water.
9. ... in an overly crowded metro where I could not move so I started to calculate ...
10. My interest in Economics was spurred by Gary Becker, the pioneer of using economic...
11. ...but once you dive immerse yourself into it and ... finally , you'll definitely...
12. ... distinguishes lists their distinctions.
13. ... but I keep am persistent ...
14. ... my study studies in the UK, ...inaccessible for to an exchange student... opened... no precedents like for this.
16. ... in the UK, by travelling around European countries, living and communicating with people of different backgrounds, I experienced diverse cultures and acquired many new perspectives.
17. ...regarding to human resource...
22. I have always been the team travel planner ...
I would like you to reconsider number 19 in your list. It doesn't seem to deliver a complete line of action, realization, or benefit. The sentence seems incomplete. If you can't add to the information to make it more interesting and show something about yourself, I suggest that you find another kind of information about you to use in its place.
