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Three things others do not know about me



serikbar 4 / 16  
Mar 4, 2017   #1
That is one of the admission essays for an MBA program. I believe the essay is supposed to reflect positive features of my character... Also I think that introduction & conclusion are not required in such essay. Would appreciate your feedback and suggestions on how to improve it.

Essay 2 : In 500 words or less describe three things others do not know about you.

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Recently, around 3 months ago, I started keeping a diary. It began with writing down my short-term and long-term goals. Then I realized that I need to keep track of the progress I was making towards these goals. So I started making short notes about what I did each day to achieve any of the goals from my list. This practice has helped me to make sure that I don't waste my free time and that I spend it on something important. I have also realized that such small habits we develop throughout our lives, as keeping diary or doing sports, actually have a great impact on our personalities.

Another fact that others don't know about me is that I can swim one naval mile in less than 30 minutes. It all started when I was 14 years old. At that age I thought that I should pick a sport for myself, and I decided to start going to a swimming pool on a regular basis. Though it may sound as an ordinary decision, but it has drastically changed my appearance. My height was only 162 cm before I started swimming, but after only 4 months my height was already 181 cm, and my regular exercises in the swimming pool were the main factor behind that. Moreover, swimming has had a very positive impact on my overall health, as I noticed that I started getting ill less frequently than most of my classmates. Nowadays, I still try to visit swimming pools when I have the opportunity. I will certainly try to instill the love to swimming into my children.

After graduation I already had a job offer on hands, but I was going to start working only in October. That left me with three to four months when I was completely free, so I decided to try myself as a day trader. In the first month I devoted all my free time to watching video seminars on how to trade, and did a lot of reading in parallel. I had a small amount of money I managed to save during the last year in the university, which allowed me to open up an account with a local broker and to start trading shares on NYSE and NASDAQ. As you might guess, two month of trading did not make me a millionaire. In fact, I lost around 30% of my small investment, but nevertheless I was glad that I tried it when there was a chance. After I started working, I never really had an opportunity to go back to day trading, since it requires a lot of time. That was a fascinating experience, and I am still keeping my eye on the news and reports about financial markets and commodities.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15386  
Mar 4, 2017   #2
Serik, while these sorts of information is really enlightening, most of this information can be known to people closest to you, except for the diary writing. While you are right that you are expected to write about positive things, the essay has a more casual slant than what you have presented here.

Prompts of this sort usually want to get to know about some unique things that you do during your personal time that is not related to your studies, your ambitions, and your future goals. The idea, is to show the reviewer who you are during your down time or private time. Some examples that you can talk about are things you do which other people will consider eccentric. Say, collecting table napkins with restaurant logos on them. Or having a peculiar habit when eating like turning your plate 3 times before you eat, or anything that shows a unique, fun side to you that would make you an interesting addition to their student roster.

Again, the information that you are presenting is good and can be used as a response to this prompt. I am just suggesting that you go past the academic and show some fun aspects of your personality that have helped to create an interesting personality within you. If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then use this essay already. It is perfect for the purpose that you wrote it for, based upon your understanding of the prompt requirements.
OP serikbar 4 / 16  
Mar 6, 2017   #3
@Holt
Mary, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I was considering including "talking to myself out loud when I'm alone" as a kind of unique thing about me, but I thought that sports would be more appropriate for an admissions essay :D

I think shares trading and diary writing are both strong points, I will try to think of something more interesting than swimming, if I can find anything.


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