I've been told that women can not have a career in surgery. SOP for a British university

Hi everyone.

I wrote this SOP for a university application. But I am not sure about it.
I understand that SOP should not be too formal and must grab the attention of admission experts.
It is advisable to be written in a story form to make it more enjoyable and memorable. Of course you must answer all the important questions they asked you to answer.

I tried to do all that, but I am not sure I did.

Would you please check it for me.

Thanks.
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learning laparoscopic and minimally invasive techniques

Many people have told me that women can not have a career in surgery, but this did not dissuade me from pursuing my dream, and following my passion regardless of what other people think or say.

What attract me to surgery, is that it is a medical speciality that involves manual and instrumental manipulation to treat patients, it has crafting and artistic elements that make it enjoyable for me than other medical specialities.

After graduation from medical school, I worked for three years in the surgical department of the BZT, a newly opened hospital in my city.
I worked hard with my colleagues to help start the surgical department.
I was an enthusiastic and active member in the team, and worked tirelessly to provide our patients with optimum healthcare service. I found caring and treating of patients is extremely rewarding and fulfilling.

I was always eager to participate in the academic activities held in the department, and ready to prepare for any seminar or tutorial, when I was asked to.

I had the opportunity to assist in many operations, particularly laparoscopic operations, such as laparoscopic cholecystectomy.
It was in that time I became fascinated and intrigued by the laparoscopic techniques and the concept of minimally invasive surgery. I wanted to do more than just hold the camera for the senior surgeon or close the small incisions at the end of the operation. I longed to have formal laparoscopic training, and learn more about minimally invasive surgery in general.

During that period I recognised that surgery is a broad speciality, with diverse subspecialties, and constantly evolving new techniques. I realized that there are numerous options, and a good prospect in surgery.

I tried to enrol in a master course in X, but most master programmes had been cancelled, because the doctors who were directing master programmes were foreigners and left the country after 2011 events.

When Chevening Scholarship were started in my country, I start to look for master programmes that meet the scholarship requirements, and help me gain the skills and the knowledge I need to progress in my career.

I was thrilled when I found the Minimally Invasive and Robotics Surgery master programme. It is a flexible programme that can be finished in one year, (a requirement for the Chevening scholarship). It provides laparoscopic and robotic simulation training in the YY centre, an internationally recognised training and research centre, specialised in minimally invasive surgery.

I also heard about the director of YY centre, professor Tim Tom, a famous pioneer of keyhole surgery.
I couldn't wish for a better place for learning laparoscopic and minimally invasive techniques.
Furthermore, the course offers teaching of research methods and designs, which I believe will be extremely beneficial.
I am confident that this course will have a tremendous effect on my clinical and professional skills, as I'm intending to return to clinical practice in hospitals.

The Postgraduate Medical Institute of this university has advanced facilities, such as skills rooms and operating theatre, another factor attracted me to this university, in addition to being welcoming university for international students.

I have always admired British culture, traditions and history. Studying in the UK will be a throughly enjoyable experience, and will allow me to improve my English language skills. British universities are known for their long historical tradition and high standards of education. In fact, studying in the UK would be nothing less than a dream realised.

@Sal70000
Hello,

Your essay sounds so sure to me👍 I think it is well structured too. How many pages of writing are you allowed?! Just so you know and don't exceed the limit required.

In Paragraph 8. After you have said when so so scholarship began in my country, you could add a flare to it by writing -- I felt a sign a relief. I would be a able to fulfill my dream at last! Finally i have an opportunity to gain skills or knowledge to progress further in my career. Just saying, you said it's an opportunity of a life time so it may help to show you want it more than anything or anyone else.

Good luck

Thank you @Peaches07. Your suggestion is great, I'll try it.

Salwa, the first half of your essay is formatted more as a poem. Do not separate your ideas that way. Improve the first half of separated thoughts by trying to develop a smoother connected paragraph presentation instead. In the first paragraph, relate your story to the STEM problem in education and how women are being left out of it. Explain that through the masters degree, you hope to break through that glass ceiling.

When you discuss your work at the hospital, do not be so mechanical in the presentation of the information. Rather than discussing the rudimentary roles that you played in the hospital and operating room, focus instead on the problem of having women in the workplace and how it was difficult for you to gain the kind of training you wished to have in order to compete because of the lack of training facilities in the country. Explain that your purpose is to be able to gain training so that you can go back to your country and help to further modernize surgery or pioneer a particular surgery type in the hospital system. Or whatever your motivating factor for enrolling in the course is.

Do not mention Chevening in this manner in the essay. In fact, do not mention the scholarship at all. As a statement of purpose, the focus should be on your desire for higher studies and the reasons behind it. Explaining about Chevening related information in your essay is not necessary because the readers already know that information. Delete all references to Chevening.

Instead, focus on the professor whom you are excited to work with and learn from. Is he from the university? If he is, then you must integrate his profile as a professor, in relation to the masters degree that you want to enroll in, at the university where you hope to continue your studies. These should comprise only 1 paragraph because of the related information being presented.

Conclude the essay by focusing on the opportunities that you hope to gain by training at this university. That is all you need to do in order to create a focused statement of purpose.

Thank very much Mary. I knew that there are mistakes in my essay. I will rewrite as you recommended.