"If there is will, there is a way" Statement of Purpose For PhD Abroad

Hello, anyone check my SOP and tell me errors in it? I want to know how it looks like whether it shows my desire to work on relevant field or not. It is my first Draft.

One quote is "If there is will, there is a way". The above words play a key point in my learning. It motivates me to give my best in every step and frame my goals. Since my childhood, I have been obsessed to learn about new things and my parents who support me in each stage. I was in top 10 student of my class. During my school days, I had so many questions how our body made, how it functions, how technology connects to Biology and want to know more about this. I decided to pursue my education in this field after completion of my school. I had two options that time either Biotechnology or MBBS. I decided to prepare for one year for Master of surgery and Master of Science competitive exam. I got selected in some reputed universities but the fee is huge amount and my parents cannot afford it. I left that opportunities and then decided not to lost hope. I will achieve my goals and give my best.

There are number of challenges and rapid development in Science and Technology that inclined me toward engineering profession. I took admission in Bachelors of Technology in Biotechnology in XYZ University, one of reputed university. I have been exposed to many fields of study such as Cell Biology, Molecular Biology, Immunology, Biochemistry, Bioinformatics, Bioprocess, Genetics, Microbiology, Animal Biotechnology, Plant biotechnology. I want to know more about it practically so I took one month training on XY at Sciences and One week training on the topic XYZ at yz

University. This made me more inclined toward this field. I gave few seminars on some topics of Molecular Biology, Bioinformatics and Cell Biology.
In my final year, I got the opportunities to work with experienced researcher in XY University. I did six months project titled"XYZ". I have gained more practical knowledge and learnt more about Bioinformatics in this project. In my Project, I identified the meat species and submit SOME sequences on NCBI. I feel that a good researcher is not inborn out of reading books but also through gaining information from all other sources. During my project, I realized that Bioinformatics, System biology is wide approach for solution of scientific problems. This was the experience which made me towards research work in Bioinformatics, System Biology. I decided to do research in this area. In future I want to do more research and teaching in this research area.

I started preparing for GATE exam, cleared it and got admission in XYZ University, one of top universities in India. I got admitted in M.Tech in Systems Biology and learn further about this field. I got fellowship for two years and take my all expensive myself. I have exposed to Simulation, Artificial intelligence, Computational neuroscience, Petri Net, Advanced Bioinformatics, Optimization. I have Attended International Conference on Bioinformatics, Short Term Training Programme on Artificial Intelligence in Bioinformatics , conducted one Lab on KEGG(Kyoto Encyclopedia of Genes and Genomes) in Training Programme on Bioinformatics. I have participated in the Bioinformatics Workshop on Genomics at XY.

I did one year project titled "XYZ"I have learnt new information during this project and made me more dedicated toward research. I have published one research paper in International Journal, I feel very happy and gratify with one paper published in international journal. It makes me dream comes true.

I want to do research in System Biology and University is the best place to start. The university is focused on more research area, provides training on it. It is very highly reputed university. In addition, the strong collaboration with other departments that makes me to receive more knowledge. It provides me financial assistance in PhD, so I can carry out my research and take care of my expensive. The university is situated in good area of city and that also attracts me.

The major steps towards my goal is the doctorate study of your university. I am highly motivated and will be grateful if you give me the opportunity for doctorate study. I will contribute to university learning environment and able to justify your faith in me.

Shiva, I would like to say 'Welcome' to EssayForum :) This is a remarkable place to enhance your writing skills, especially in composing some essays, by doing peer-corrections towards other members' essays. You can see that many active members here are helping each other by sharing their best insights about writing. I hope that you don't stop participating after receiving valuable feedback from other members in this forum. :D

With regards to your essay, I would like to focus on the most noticeable errors first. You can see the detailed descriptions below:

- One quote is "If there is will, there is a way"If there is a will, there is a way.(if it is a really famous quotation with unknown / anonymous maker, I think it is unnecessary to put ''...'' there.)

- The aboveThese words play a key point in my learning. (in what? what kind of learning)
- ...who support me in each stage.(what stage? never left an unclear thought) examiner or reader is not a mind-reader
- I had so many questions on how our body is made, how it functionscan be functioned , how technology connectscan be connected to Biology. and want to know more about this.These questions arouse my curiosity to learn about ....... further.

- I decided to pursue my education in this field after completion upon completing of my school. (what school? secondary? first? university? another unclear detail)
- At that time,I hadtwo options, either Biotechnology or MBBS, had been confused my mind.that timeeither Biotechnology or MBBS.(you can use variations, personal pronoun 'I' for many times is not really interesting at all)

- I decided to prepare for one year for Master of surgery and Master of Science competitive exam.
- I got selected in some reputed universities but the fee is huge amount and my parents cannot afford it.
- I left that opportunities and then decided not to lost hope. I will achieve my goals and give my best.

Those three sentences started with personal pronoun "I". Let me give you some alternative options:
- Competitive examination for postgraduate degree in .... university had been long prepared by me.
- My parents couldn't afford a huge amount of tuition fee in some reputed universities, which then I was unable to continue my study.
- Losing hope has never been in my list. Therefore, I am still going to do my best in pursuing my future goals, especially in enrolling at some dream universities abroad.

Hi Shiva, first of all, I would like to remind you that an SOP should not be written like an academic bio, not this length and not this format.

Now, an SOP should, yes, highlight your academic achievements and should showcase the details of this events, however, you have to be mindful in choosing the details that you input in your SOP, remember to keep some information to yourself, this way, should there be any questions from the admission panel, you will have something to say and this will open a good conversation which could lead to an edge over other applications.

The length of this SOP is not necessary, as mentioned, you can eliminate a few unnecessary information that will be an obvious sequence of achieving a particular award. Moving on, the format of the SOP is somehow very informal,I understand that this is just a draft, a rough one I suppose , however, learn to treat each and every writing article as if it were the final submission, this way you will be able to create a habit of excellence.

I hope my insights helped Shiva and should you need further assistance do let us know so we will be able to assist you.