Hello Everyone,
Would you please review my motivation letter and give me your opinion. I am very open to criticism what so ever.
Dear Sir/madam
I am writing to express my greatest interest in applying for the Master program of Automotive Engineering at City University of London. I believe that my ambition, hard work and learning capabilities make me one of the best candidates for this program. Engineering has been always my greatest passion. The idea of innovating new things to make people's life easier or finding the optimum solution for a problem has always fascinated me. I believe that people have to dream about their way of life in future and engineers have to work hard fulfilling these dreams.
I graduated with a bachelor degree in Power Mechanical Engineering on 2011 from Faculty of Engineering, Alexandria University. My graduation project was about the optimum design of forklifts. While I was working with my colleagues on the project, I decided to give more attention to a small but yet very important part, which is the steering mechanism.I noticed that the main problems facing the operators are traction power and steering especially in a limited operation space. I managed to innovate a new idea, which is "the conic steering wheels". By using them, the driver can steer the lift 360 degrees around its own axis. I had an excellent grade on my project but my goal is to apply this idea practically on both the industrial lifts and ordinary vehicles.
After graduation, I worked as a sales engineer for very respectable company in Egypt. My job's responsibilities included preparation of tenders, follow up with shipments until they are delivered and introducing the company to possible customers. Although I did a great job winning four out of seven tenders I prepared, I quit my job after three month. Selling engineering products - with all my respect - does not make an engineer out of me. I am now in the USA working as a mechanic in a workshop. I am not an engineer right now but I am sure working as a mechanic and getting full of grease and oil will make me a great Automotive Engineer in the future. I learned how to inspect a vehicle closer and I got much familiar with using tools. I enhanced my knowledge to the vehicle's electronic system and the ECU, which was not an area of concentration in my bachelor degree. Meanwhile I am studying for the GRE, which will increase my eligibility to more universities all around the world.
The master program at City University of London will be my launching platform to a career I am eager to and I have always dreamt. Not only I will be studying in the UK where engineering got a new after the industrial revolution on the eighteenth century but also I will be studying at one of the best Universities in Europe. In addition to that, London is one of the most familiar cities to me. I have been to London for a month on 2010 and I was amazed by the different culture blending in this city. Studying and Living in London gives me the opportunity to meet people with different point of views and different cultures, which is going to play a major role not just in my career but in my personality as well. The program gives me the opportunity to enhance my knowledge in mechatronics, computer aided design and automotive industry. Which give me the qualifications and the knowledge to be not an ordinary engineer but also an innovative Key player of in this industry that will change this industry one day.
I realize the competitive demand on this program but what I offer to you is ambition, hard work, ability to learn, international experience and scientific qualifications. Which I believe meets your requirements and qualify me to excel in the university. I am sure that City University of London is the best starting point for an innovative, extraordinary and ambitious career. Therefore, I will be honored and extremely happy to receive your admission letter.
Sincerely yours,
Emad Shankar
Would you please review my motivation letter and give me your opinion. I am very open to criticism what so ever.
Dear Sir/madam
I am writing to express my greatest interest in applying for the Master program of Automotive Engineering at City University of London. I believe that my ambition, hard work and learning capabilities make me one of the best candidates for this program. Engineering has been always my greatest passion. The idea of innovating new things to make people's life easier or finding the optimum solution for a problem has always fascinated me. I believe that people have to dream about their way of life in future and engineers have to work hard fulfilling these dreams.
I graduated with a bachelor degree in Power Mechanical Engineering on 2011 from Faculty of Engineering, Alexandria University. My graduation project was about the optimum design of forklifts. While I was working with my colleagues on the project, I decided to give more attention to a small but yet very important part, which is the steering mechanism.I noticed that the main problems facing the operators are traction power and steering especially in a limited operation space. I managed to innovate a new idea, which is "the conic steering wheels". By using them, the driver can steer the lift 360 degrees around its own axis. I had an excellent grade on my project but my goal is to apply this idea practically on both the industrial lifts and ordinary vehicles.
After graduation, I worked as a sales engineer for very respectable company in Egypt. My job's responsibilities included preparation of tenders, follow up with shipments until they are delivered and introducing the company to possible customers. Although I did a great job winning four out of seven tenders I prepared, I quit my job after three month. Selling engineering products - with all my respect - does not make an engineer out of me. I am now in the USA working as a mechanic in a workshop. I am not an engineer right now but I am sure working as a mechanic and getting full of grease and oil will make me a great Automotive Engineer in the future. I learned how to inspect a vehicle closer and I got much familiar with using tools. I enhanced my knowledge to the vehicle's electronic system and the ECU, which was not an area of concentration in my bachelor degree. Meanwhile I am studying for the GRE, which will increase my eligibility to more universities all around the world.
The master program at City University of London will be my launching platform to a career I am eager to and I have always dreamt. Not only I will be studying in the UK where engineering got a new after the industrial revolution on the eighteenth century but also I will be studying at one of the best Universities in Europe. In addition to that, London is one of the most familiar cities to me. I have been to London for a month on 2010 and I was amazed by the different culture blending in this city. Studying and Living in London gives me the opportunity to meet people with different point of views and different cultures, which is going to play a major role not just in my career but in my personality as well. The program gives me the opportunity to enhance my knowledge in mechatronics, computer aided design and automotive industry. Which give me the qualifications and the knowledge to be not an ordinary engineer but also an innovative Key player of in this industry that will change this industry one day.
I realize the competitive demand on this program but what I offer to you is ambition, hard work, ability to learn, international experience and scientific qualifications. Which I believe meets your requirements and qualify me to excel in the university. I am sure that City University of London is the best starting point for an innovative, extraordinary and ambitious career. Therefore, I will be honored and extremely happy to receive your admission letter.
Sincerely yours,
Emad Shankar