Dear all,
I am writing essay for scholarship, but I thought there are some confusing sentences which grammatically incorrect. Kindly help me to check pleasee :) Thanks alot, it means so much to me.
1. Biology had given me the fundamental yet interesting knowledge about[/i] the complexity of biological systems
2. I decided to focus on genetics subject [i]which interest me most. By learning it, I had knowledge and then put more attention to diseases affected by genetics mutation.
3. work closely in health areas like working in the laboratorium or hospital.
4. I wished by working and also discovering the cause of many diseases
5. to work in health field strongly arised
6. At the time I was accompanying my mother at the hospital
7. I have had experience as a
8. had introduced me about the importance on encouraging healthy behaviours of people
9. To implementthese idea, I suggested to make wall magazine
10. Every activities we'd do needed a funding source routinely, it was included in publishing wall magazine weekly.
11. I invited other members to participate on music activity which we called ngamen,
12. that this kind of event would lead us to unite deeply in togetherness; and moreover in achieveing the same goal, get the financial source
1. hadhas given me the fundamental yet interesting knowledge about
2. I decided to focus on genetic subjects, [i]which interest me the most. By learning it, I had knowledge and then put more attention to diseases affected by genetics mutation.
3. in health related areas like working
4. I wish to discover the cause of as many diseases as possible.
5. Add "the" after in
6. It is not a complete sentence. What happened when you accompanied your mom to the hospital?
7 No changes
8. Introduced to me about the importance of encouraging
9. Add a space between implement and these
10-12. Explain better how the music activity would bring funding to your wall magazine.
It is better to read the scholarship essay, but I hope I have helped you with your grammar. Look at the the questions and you can form sentences using this advice. Other questions have grammar correction.
1) You want to use past tense and simplify the sentence. Use the word gave and say that it gave you fundamental knowledge about the complexity of biological systems. The reader will get confused if you discuss interest and fundamentals at the same time.
2) I decided to focus on the study of genetics. Studying genetics helped me to learn about the diseases affected by gene mutations.(I don't know if you are trying to express this. However, gene mutations are related to DNA and DNA or are genes can be linked to diseases.)
3) You can leave out health areas and possibly discuss that you want to work closely in a laboratory or hospital. Many will know that this is health related.
4). Do you mean you wish to work and discover the cause of many diseases?
5) Did your desire to work in the health field grow stronger?
6) Place a comma after time
7.) I don't see anything that needs to be changed
8) Did someone help you to learn about the importance of encouraging people to have healthy habits?
9) If it is an idea, you want to change these to this because it is just one idea. I would capitalize Wall Magazine. Also use italics for Wall Magazine
10) Every activity we did needed
11) participate in a (replace it with this because no one would be on music and it is only one activity)
12) This kind of event helped us to unite together in achieving the same to get the financial source (I hope this is what you were trying to convey)
Dear Ransom2092,
Thank you so much for helping.
1. I use "had" because I want to state the past situation. Biology was my previous education. So, is it fine to use "had" instead of "has" ? Pls advise:)
However according to Icturn87, I should say "gave" to describe condition in the past. Biology gave me the fundamental knowledge about the complexity of biological system.
2. Thank you for your advise.
3. Thank you for your advise.
4. I wrote "wished" because I want to state situation in the past. My wish in the past-> wished??
So according to you, it become I wished to discover the cause of as many diseases as possible. Is it correct?
5. Thank you for your advise.
6. Thank you for your advise.
7. Thank you for your advise.
8. Thank you for your advise.
9-12. Thank you for your advise.
Dear Icturn87,
Actually I wanted to post my all essay, however it's my consideration just to keep 'em.
1. Thank you for your advise. It is true that I wanted to use past tense. I will attempt to re arrange the sentence according to your advise.
2. Actually, I was Biology student and there is genetics subject as a part of Biology (besides Microbiology, Biochemistry subject, etc). Genetics was my favourite one. So, is it fine to use "the study of genetics"? As I was not Genetics major but Biology. Pls advise.
3. Okay. Thank you for your advise.
4. Yes I do. However, that wishes was in my past. I meant to express my past wishes by using "wished" through work and discover the cause of many diseases. Pls kindly advise how I suppose to write in a proper way?
5. Yes I did. That wishes was in my past also. Pls advise.
6. Thank you for your advise.
7. Thank you for your advise.
8. No, they didn't. I, myself who did it. Actually, I have had experience as a Public Health workforce in the leaving area when I was in the college. Through this activity, I've got knowledge about it. So I expressed it like "It had introduced me about the importance of encouraging healthy behaviours to people". Is it correct?
9. Thank you for your advise.
10. Thank you for your advise.
11. Thank you for your advise.
12. Yes true, I wanted to express that way :) Thank you for your advise.
