Great places to be. My choice

Which of the cities would you like to visit? Why?

If I have a chance to visit a foreign city, the first choice comes to my mind will be New York. New York is a beautiful city with a lot of attractive scenes, various culture and a lot of unusual buildings. Come in New York is my dream because I want to acquire civilized and modern in one of the world's leading cities. I hope expand mine knowledge and learn from essence of humanity as well as contemplate the wonderful architecture here. Moreover, I desire to study and work in New York. Hopefully, I'll get to New York in one day.

tunguyen, since you chose to visit New York City, not just New York, then you should be able to say more about it that just it is a beautiful city. You should be able to mention some specific tourist spots in New York that you look forward to visiting and explaining why. For example, you could visit The Statue of Liberty, Central Park, The World Trade Center, Empire State Building, and, since it is popular at the moment, Trump Towers. By mentioning specific places, you should be able to better explain why New York City is a good place to visit and also, what you hope to experience and learn about the place. By the way, you do not "Come in New York". The correct sentence structure is "Going to New York" or "Visiting New York".

..., the first choice that comes to my mind will be is New York. .., various culture and a lot offascinating unusual buildings. ComeVisiting in New York is ... and modern life in one of ... I hope to expand mine[/R] knowledge and learn from [R]the essence of ... MoreoverThus, I desire to ... Hopefully, I will be able to fulfill my dream of visiting New York

Hi! I like how you have structured your paragraph, but you need to be a tiny bit more careful about verb tense, and grammar in general. Otherwise, I think you did a pretty good job! And yes, I agree with Holt as well, I think you talk a little bit more about why you look forward to New York City. You talk about how you like its culture, so maybe you could add on to that as well.