Posts by ekfoong

ekfoong

Dec 20, 2009

Undergraduate / Franklin W. Olin College of Engineering Essays. :) [4]

ESSAY 1: Given what you know about Olin College, please tell us why you think Olin is a good fit for you. Please keep your thoughts to no more than 500 words.

I guess my first encounter with the Olin college was an accident during my quest for college. However, intrigue and curiosity delved me into the world of what is Franklin W. Olin School of Engineering...

The tiny class size is the first thing that gravitated me towards Olin College. There is a high capacity for one-on-one attention with professors which enables a bright eyed-student like myself to forge relationships and take learning to another level. In addition, I value the idea of leaving my room and happily greeting everyone I see. I envision myself walking down the halls and waving to John from my physics class, or perhaps assisting Professor Christianson with her teetering coffee .

I believe that Olin College is one the rare institutions that truly represents the notion that "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts." Upon my visit, I sensed the community atmosphere that was incomparable to any other campus. Personally, I thrive upon group learning and interaction. Being surrounded with like-minded people, can provide me the challenges that I lust for. The exchange of ideas and open receptiveness to a motley of thoughts and opinions is my ideal college experience. Watching through the windows of the library I could see study groups lounging around talking with the most expressive and excited faces. That gave me assurance: I would fit right in. Without a doubt, I can envision myself at Olin College.

One of the most important qualities I can offer to the greater whole of Olin college, is my natural leadership, passion, curiosity, and imagination. I cast visions beyond merely a great education. I want to harness the values of what makes Olin College, Olin College and pair them with my enthusiasm, to perhaps start a club, join a sports team, tutor a friend, or give a presentation in class.

Albert Einstein once said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Imagination cannot be defined, and imagination is something that cannot be measured by a 2010 World News Report. However, imagination can be seen through the creativity of the students, heard by the lecturing professors, and felt by the tactile sensation that I could feel on campus. This profound, ubiquitous sensation is the final reason why I was drawn to Olin. At Franklin Olin College of engineering, I feel like the possibilities are endless... Einstein has his Bern Switzerland to fabricate and ponder the mysteries of the universe; perhaps in the future, I will have my Needham, Massachusetts.

ESSAY 2: One of the things that makes Olin so vibrant is the diversity of interests/passions that students bring to our community. Please describe how pursuing your passion has demonstrated leadership abilities, motivation, initiative, independence or ability to work with people. Please keep your thoughts to no more than 300 words. this one is really icky... i need help with this one. it's a bit...contrived?

Preserving life and beauty of the world around me has always been a passion of mine. I have been the labeled tree hugger since the 5th grade when my elementary school wanted to bulldoze a Crabtree that was blocking a teacher's view. True to the phrase, I hugged the tree until school officials peeled me off. At the expense of a detention, my efforts were rewarded. Since then I've been actively involved in Greenpeace, PETA, and have recently converted into a vegetarian.

Until this year, I only pursued my activism outside of school. But, with the encroaching senior year, I realized that I wanted to make an impact upon my school. For so long I passively observed my peers throw away perfectly recyclable sheets of white paper into the depths of the garbage cans only to inevitably end up among the countless tons of landfill space. I could no longer be a silent.

After innumerable meetings with my school's administrative office, I finally instituted a brand new Environmental Club. In doing so, I also organized the school's first recycling initiative. After requesting 217 plastic bins from our local IKEA, going green became a school-wide movement only with the help of my club members, the "go green" teacher committee, and the support of my parents and friends.

My hard work and time came to fruition only to reveal itself in a blossoming environmental consciousness unmatched by any other high school in the district. I'm simply amazed by how receptive my peers are. It only took one flicker to ignite the tinder of knowledge and awareness. Knowing that I was the tinder has instilled confidence within me more so than any game win, compliment, or award. Moreover, knowing that was able to motivate my peers was my greatest achievement.

if you want me to edit some of your stuff. please just comment below...
also check out some of my old posts... i guess my Stanford essays were received pretty well. thanks for reading:)

ekfoong

Nov 1, 2009

Essays / Applying for the University of Miami... My essay is over the word limit--- what do I do? [8]

if colleges give you a word limit... STICK TO THE WORD LIMIT.

My dad is really good friends with a couple of college readers and they all say that when a prospective student goes over the word limit, immediately they question the student's ability to follow instructions.

Post it on here. I'm sure some of the many intelligent minds on here can help you out.

ekfoong

Nov 1, 2009

Undergraduate / The Lifetime Challenge within Me - Common App Main Essay [7]

What were you doing when you wrote this?
I feel like you were sitting at your computer fiddling with an eraser and eating cereal while you were typing...
I think you need to write with more spontaneity. But, do not change your writing style. Sometimes the best writing just comes to you. think of what you want to say at first and not how you want to say it and write it down! once you have your thoughts in writing... they're visible. You don't have to scour the nooks and crannies of your brain anymore. When you write everything down when you feel it sometimes magic can be created.

I think your first sentence is very cliched.
vulpix pretty much hit everything right on the money.

Be confident. I feel like this is a good start!

--edit--
sorry I can see that you've already submitted.
Ahhh! sorry I'm so late at replying!

ekfoong

Nov 1, 2009

Undergraduate / personal essay. uc. a move changed everything or almost. [15]

you are telling me an awful lot... but I want you to SHOW me.
even through writing, actions speak louder than words.
think of that one(or a few) experience(s) that is the culmination of everything you want to say and let the readers know.

my advise
1) read the question out loud.
2) respond to the particular question in 1-2 sentences MAX (that's your focus)
3) write down step 2
4) get to writing!
5) SHOW me don't Tell me
6) when you think you're done READ THE ESSAY OUT LOUD. so many people are self-conscious of their work, but when you read something out loud... you are involving more of your senses than just sight. you're involving your senses, like audition, and vision, and perhaps maybe even taste, touch, and smell

--edit--
p.s. thanks for reading mine - I pushed the submit button :)

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

thanks so much guys. and I'll be returning the favor! to all of you.

I had to step out and clear my head. So, I chose to watch a movie.
- DO NOT WATCH THE vampire's assistant movie.
bad acting
bad storyline
just bad in general.

Thanks to all! I'm on cloud nine right now heehee.

I'm going to get started on a lot of reading...
of course after I push the submit button :)

here i go!

--edit--
P.S. that's not ronnie, that's my best friend will - check out his band (my favorite highway)

go ahead add me on facebook! a lot of people really like me to read their essay because apparently i'm a very harsh but helpful grader? I don't really know how valid their opinions are, but i'm just a writing enthusiast with a sharp tipped pen (or in this case keyboard).

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

I'll be staying up till 1:30 tonight, so I'll be able to see your comments. THANKS AGAIN YOU GUYS!

p.s. vulpix I love your username - POKEMON!

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

I just finished my Common App Essays too. so I've decided to post them up too so y'all can look at those too. Feel free to scrutinize and criticize and rip them to shreds :).

common app - In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer). ((Exactly 150 words! YAY!))

Cleats spray clouds of rubber pellets. Breaths are heavy. Eyes are alert. I cradle the ball down-field and yell, "Viking!" My teammates follow my command. Like automated humans we sprint towards the goal with raised sticks and fierce yells.

Hard work, sweat, and perseverance all climaxed to that point. My school considered Girls' Lacrosse to be a joke. As a junior, I was selected to be varsity captain, and I was determined to make a name for our team. I researched Northwestern University tactics, and led self-devised drills and activities. Every practice, I could see our improvement.

We were never expected to have a winning season. But, when we made it to play-offs, we proved everyone wrong. Confidence was restored in my teammates and within myself. Leadership cannot be taught. Leadership cannot be inherited. Leadership can be enhanced from within. After our season, I realized... I am a capable leader.

common app - Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. ((eek... 980 words - help?))

My opponent and I shed our robes as we sized each other up. He stood at the opposite corner. His toothpick-like limbs miraculously held his body up. His arms appeared Neanderthal-like. Gravity acted upon the weight of his boxing gloves which seemed to elongate his arms until his knuckles dragged on the carpeted platform.

The air horn sounded. We circled the edge of the ring. Neither one of us wanted to throw the first punch. I think thirty seconds went by, I heard them chanting his name, "Sam. Sam. Sam." I could not bear the monosyllable repetition, so I aimed and fired my jab-punch combo right towards his face. My entire body lunged forward with so much force; I just might have punched the Y chromosomes right out of him.

I certainly do not fit the boxer image. I am a "pocket-sized" Asian female with an infatuation for tree hugging and peace protesting. My stature alone leads people to believe that there is no way I could inflict damage or even bruise an opponent. At first I never told anybody about boxing for fear of what they would say or think. Eventually, I came around to telling them. Unfortunately, now they always ask me, "Hey, why the heck do you box?" Sometimes I ponder the same question, but when my mind drifts back to that memory on June 25th, I instantly know the answer.

I can still remember the first time I punched a guy. It was a "money shot."I had been preparing years for that strike. I still remember the indescribable streak of red as my fist jolted forward and recoiled back. Only one word is needed to express what I felt at that moment: liberating.

Kickboxing is considered a boys' sport, which is definitely not true.
At class and practice, I always found myself acting as the one woman counter weight to compensate for the exceedingly lopsided female to male ratio. As a senior in high school, I am one of the only girl boxers in Chicago's northwest suburbs. As a ten year old I was the only girl playing boys' full-contact lacrosse. As a prospective student, I want to be an engineer despite the predominant male nature of my intended major.

Practically all of my potential opponents were of opposite gender, no one was willing to spar me. I frequented the water-girl position. Not one boy wanted to compromise his manhood to fight a girl. I understand why they forfeited. However, I don't think they understand how I felt. I sweat and fought my way to exhaustion, but that all went to waste with every spar rejection. My lust for competition died slowly. Never before had I accepted that boys were physically superior to girls. By the tenth forfeit and fifth tournament, sadly, I began to believe it's truth. I didn't feel competent, in any aspect. If I could not prove myself in the gymnasium, what other facets of my personality could be questioned. Did my word mean nothing anymore? Was my activism and protesting invalidated. Could I still pride myself on my emotional strength? My entire being fell under assault by my own stinging judgments.

On June 25th, I had full intention of pouring water into Dixie cups for my mates. My coach Ronnie, like every other invitational meet, recited to me, "I'll try my best to find you a fight." In the back of my mind, lingered the knowledge that I wasn't going to have my time in the ring. My best friend Dylan kept me company, he and the intermediate fighters had two hours until their first match. We joked around naming our jab(left) and punch(right) biceps. He named mine "cha" and "ching", respectively, because of my infamous jab-punch combination "money shot" on the hanging bags during open gym practices. I saw Ronnie approaching from my peripheral vision. His stern guise did not forebode well.

I found out I wasn't in trouble, because the next thing I knew, I was preparing for my first feather-weight match. For the first time, my glossy red gloves would be put to work. Dylan massaged my shoulders. Mark put on my headgear. David gave me a pep talk. All I could remember, were my empty eyes staring back at me through the mirror: this was it.

And so, there I was with my fists up, blood pumping, and eyes focused. At the split second after I threw the punch, realization hit me. We were equals since the moment we cast off our garb. Shedding the customary robe was symbolic. I always thought the fancy silk robes acted as frivolous props to boost the theatrical nature of a boxing match. But, when we took off our robes, it was as if both of us cast away all of our initial notions and inhibitions. It was as if we were both... naked. He and I were fighters, and that's all we were. For once, age didn't matter, race didn't matter, and gender didn't matter. The only things that counted at that moment were skill, strength, hard work, and determination.

I did end up losing the match, and I did end up with more respect from my male counterparts. However, most importantly, I did end up stronger and more self-confident. That moment liberated me. I felt free from the shackles of social norms and customary expectations. At that moment, all of my actions, thoughts, and emotions were validated; I could be whoever I want to be. Before, there was too much pressure to be a societal carbon copy, so I felt compelled to conceal a part of me. Nevertheless, I no longer have to hide my boxing skills. In fact, I appreciate boxing and everything it has done for me. The day of my self-actualization is my most valuable experience. Jab-punch. "cha-ching". June 25th, was the day of my "money shot."

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

haha. good catch. thank you!

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App Essay: "Why I Shouldn't Go To College" [10]

Hey. Once again thanks for commenting on my essays.

As for yours, I am captivated by the subject matter. The levity of your cynicism distinguishes your essay from the rest - very wise choice...

If I had to give you one piece of advise -- keep it terse.

I'd say comb through once more. Although don't change your writing style. I find that in a couple of instances you reiterate the subject within your sentences. By eliminating that subject repetition you're forced to add structural variety and cut out a few words in the process :)

as for 2010ebby's grammar critiques. I agree with all of them except for...
After all, isn't it the ideal place where one finds ~~theirhis or her~~one's future spouse? (parallel structure)

--edit--
I also really enjoyed the Bob Dylan throwback :)

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

Thank you so much! your validation instills so much confidence within my writing.

I'll be sure to take a look at your threads/essays!
**finding right now** ;)

ekfoong

Oct 31, 2009

Undergraduate / I want to push the submit button tonight (Stanford) [19]

I'm applying to Stanford and tonight i think i'm going to press submit. Each of these paragraphs are within the 1800 character length. So... Thanks a lot for reading! :)

#1 Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

The sight of a bird carcass on the side of pavement intercepted my soothing stroll. The rotten stench settled in my nose and the sun soaked putrid flesh was palpable in the air. Most people would avert their head in disgust; however, the scene possessed a profound gravity that I couldn't ignore. Beneath the ugliness, my eyes connected with perfectly patterned feather and exquisitely constructed hollow bones. Exposure to such naturally engineered brilliance stimulated an ethereal experience. My mind began to generate inquiries: Why do hollow bones allow birds to fly? What is the density of the bone? Is there a correlation between bone density and maximum flight speed? My thoughts consumed time, and the adrenaline of studying such a magnificent natural phenomenon numbed my squatting legs from the burning pain. All the while, my pen reconstructed the flesh upon the skeleton and restored life to its remains. Through my art, this imagined bird can forever dwell within my journal; perhaps someday I will resurrect the sparrow so it may take flight once again.

I am content when I release myself to the embrace of nature. The simplest of notions, observations, and intuitions can spark my mind to run rampant amongst my organic surroundings. My fascination stems from my appreciation of art and science. There is something beautiful about the way gravity functions, or the mannerisms of simple harmonic motion, or the way cells are structured that genuinely fascinates me.

Although, I want to extend beyond the Darwinian model of observation and theorization, because I want to create beauty. Perhaps biomedical engineering is my destined path. I can express the factual innovation of science while maintaining the spontaneous creativity of the fine arts.

#2Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. What would you want your future roommate to know about you? Tell us something about you that will help your future roommate -- and us -- know you better.

I am a pack rat of paper. I'm less like a messy hoarder, and more like a treasure collector. To cross to the other side of my room, one would pass through a jungle of intricately folded paper animalia. I guess you can say I'm an origami aficionado, and paper cranes are my specialty.

I have been folding paper cranes since I was 8. I can still remember the hot and humid Malaysian climate and the hospital room where my grandfather first taught me the ways of origami. Baba was bed ridden with pancreatic cancer. I would stay by his side while the silent animations of my relatives' distressing arguments played out like a television program through the clear glass window. Despite the dim hospital atmosphere, we restored vivacity by folding origami. Baba's nimble fingers quivered as he creased the paper in a methodical manner. From time to time, his smokers' cough broke the tranquility. But moments later he would weakly shoot me a smile silently reassuring me everything was okay. I labored away for two weeks in order to fold the perfect crane that would win his approval. My 139th crane was the one. The white paper exuded a brilliance beyond any of its other predecessors. I presented my bit of magic to him, he smiled and said in a hushed Chinese dialect, "I guess my work is done here." That night he passed away. There is a legend that if one folds one thousand paper cranes, the soul can achieve eternal peace. With his warm scent of cigar smoke and his fond memories remaining, I knew I had to finish his journey. In two days, I folded the remaining 867 cranes.

To me, paper cranes symbolize the capacity for humans to share, teach, and learn. Perhaps one day we can stay up late with some food or a movie, and I can share the magic of origami. with you.

#3Tell us what makes Stanford a good place for you.

My feet tapped against the white tiled floor. I sat next to the window nervously awaiting for the secretary's confirmation to join the Discover Stanford tour. Stanford's prowess exuded from the photographs of football victories and picturesque architecture mounted on the wall. I sat on the bench, soaking it all in. So this was it, Montag hall, the office of admissions.

I heard a smirk from my right. I looked over to find a friendly stranger. He smiled and said, "Amazing, isn't it?" I realized my mouth was open in awe and I snapped it shut. He continued, "Hey, they name is Aamir I'm a senior here." From there, the conversation flowed, minutes flew by as he shared his experiences with me. He told me about his midnight ludicrous expedition to find supplies to make the perfect native American headdress for the Stanford powwow. He reenacted his "pro" dance moves from the dance marathon. His hands flailed about as he talked about his bioengineering project. The whole time, I couldn't help but notice his excitement radiating with every syllable he spoke.

It was then that I knew, I want to proudly wear the Stanford cardinal red. Amongst all of my other visits, Stanford was the only place where I sensed passion. The students possessed a lust of life, and learning that I can connect with. Beyond the prestige, academics, and athletics, Stanford is at the paramount of my list because students and faculty like Aamir demonstrate that Stanford can make me a better person.

The secretary at the desk called my name and nodded her head and told me I was all set to go. Aamir nodded his head and said, "As soon as you get accepted don't think twice, and be sure to stay in touch." I smiled and proceeded through the doors, ready to embark on my Stanford discovery.