Undergraduate / Admissions Essay Influential Person-Mother [3]

Hi, this is my first draft (rushed because of an array of exams and SAT I&II /TOEFL colliding *sigh*.), but I have this due in a few days, so I would really appreciate it if someone could advise me on what else I can add (need a bit more to reach the perfect-500 word), correct the grammar and hopefully revise the essay if there are irrevelant items and cliches. And yeah, I know, the 'mother/father is my person who influenced me' essay is a bit overused but I couldn't think of anyone else.

Prompt: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

My mother has always been an extraordinary influence on my life. She gets things done independently. She is the kind of person who somehow magically manages to accomplish many tasks at the same time - raising her two children, going to work and finding time to have open discussions with her children. Growing up with such a strong role model, she has shaped many of my personalities. Not only did I learn how to be independent and confident in myself, but I also gained her enthusiasm for life.

My mother always encourages me to make choices, to be the boss of myself. She tells me to write down the advantages and the disadvantages of each choice on paper, and then consider the pros and cons carefully to make a final decision. However, after making a decision, she reminds me that I should be ready to face the consequences that my choice might bring forth. In other words, she wants me to be prepared to face the worst case scenario. She never forces me to do anything and I think this is why I am such an independent and self-managing person today.

She has always been the one who pushed me off the bicycle so I can ride myself. I used to be a bookworm, only interested in reading and academics. She introduced friends for me and although I was shy at first, I slowly became a sociable person. When I became too social, occupying my time with games, I got lazy with my studies; she pushed to be more hard-working. These changes weren't easy, as I was reluctant at first, but I soon learned to be a person who excels both academically and socially with confidence.

Everything that my mother has ever done has been overshadowed by the thought behind it. While the many experiences I have had with her had been spectacular, I have learned to truly value them by watching my mother. She has enriched my life with her passion, shaping me along the way. In her endless love of everything and everyone she is touched by, I have seen a hope and life that is truly exceptional.

Next year, I will find a new home in the States many thousands of miles away from Hong Kong, my old home. However, in my heart, my mother will always be by my side.

Undergraduate / "never started learning Chinese until I entered high school" - common app [12]

HELP! >.<
I just made a revised draft of my Common App admission essay to send in tomorrow to 5 different schools by mail but I'm worried it might be bit too rushed as I just had too many exams piled up (I can't believe I did it in 2 days and I'm sure I made many grammar mistakes because my writing is not really all that great).

If you could have a look at my essay, give any advice on how I could make my essay better, make it more to the point and help me think of a suitable title for a last minute revision - I'd be very grateful.

And yes, I am living in Hong Kong. If you want a postcard, just ask.XD

Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

At age 10, I flew halfway around the world from the United States to relocate to Hong Kong.

As I passed through Hong Kong Customs, and entered Hong Kong, an island thousands of miles away from the only home I knew, I had no idea what to expect. I was a typical, carefree and fun-loving boy. At that age, I thoroughly enjoyed learning names of dinosaurs, watching sci-fi movies and playing table tennis. It was when I entered high school in Hong Kong; my life took a drastic change.

I never started learning Chinese until I entered high school. Unlike the students in my high school, my native language was English. However, my high school teaches all subjects in Chinese. It was horribly difficult to cope with my studies when I had to look up Chinese characters in every subject book one by one just to capture the contents of my lessons, not to mention I couldn't catch any of the words my teacher said. To make matters worse, I didn't fit well with other local students as there were significant cultural gaps accompanied by an obvious language problem. I felt terribly lonely because I couldn't make any friends. Life seemed meaningless. I thought of giving up and wanted to return to the States.

Quitting was not an option. I didn't want to tell myself I was a quitter and that's what I will have to live with for the rest of my life. That would have been foolish and would not have accomplished anything. I pulled myself together. I worked day and night, telling myself that I knew more everyday than I did the day before. As I worked myself away, I saw my hard work becoming fruitful. As my Chinese steadily improved, I made new friends. Once they knew my situation, they tried to help me and support me. They also encouraged me to join in their social activities. When I look back to my high school years in Hong Kong; I see an academic journey, a cultural journey as well as a mental journey I have made.

I realize how attitude impacted every corner of how I overcame difficulties most would succumb. Attitude holds the key to my perceptions; perceptions to my behaviors; behaviors decide outcome. We have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we choose to face situations. With a confident, determined and optimistic attitude, I believe in changing the unchangeable, make the impossible possible, pursuing our never-ending quest of living a meaningful life.

As I am preparing to fly back halfway around the world to the States again, I am very excited about how the world will unfold. Approaching my university life, I hope to share my unique experience with others around me.