REally guys? I thought it was quite well written. I felt myself traveling iwth him as he went throughout europe. the way u connected the end was very touching.
only comment for me is to cut down on the parenthetical stuff... try to incorporate it directly into the text instead.
I agree with yi zhi. i luv the topic, very good choice. but the focus is a bit too much on legos... just needs a little tweaking in the 2nd paragraph. there's a bit of informal language, too. but maybe that's just ur voice. it was interesting to read, tho
It's really really good! Gives a lot of voice, interesting story. I really wanted to continue reading to find out what happened. And the reader really sympathizes with you. Somehow, I feel that the first conclusion ending in a rhetorical question might not be a good idea. at the same time, it conveys a strong point... maybe rephrase to be a statement instead of a question?