Scholarship / What has challenged me and convince to put my next milestone in the Master of Dietetics? [4]

I just noticed a grammatical error in my revision for you. Here it is again, this time with correct grammar:

My mother's insistence that always blocked me and my sisters and meIto go out without eating our eat breakfast first . eat breakfast before leaving the house each morning sparked my interest in the role good nutrition plays in maintaining health.

Scholarship / What has challenged me and convince to put my next milestone in the Master of Dietetics? [4]

Hi, kenkankun. I'm short on time at the moment, but I can edit a very small section of your essay for you. Here are my proposed changes to the beginning sentences:

My mother's insistence thatalways blocked me and my sisters and meto go out without eating oureat breakfast firstbefore leaving the house each morning sparked my interest in the role good nutrition plays in maintaining health . It was not until college (college biology? college biochemistry? I think you should name the class where you learned about this) that I understood why my mood and energy levels suffered on days that I skipped breakfast.My mother did not have a scientific reason behind that custom, she did that merely because when we skipped our breakfast, we became less enthusiast and experienced unstable mood after school.

I'll try to come back later and do more. Or maybe someone else can help with the next few sentences. I hope that helped a little!

Writing Feedback / The percentage of national expenditure on five different countries [2]

Hi IqbalThemi. Here are my suggested changes for you:

The table gives information regardingdisplays national spendingexpenditure on various items (food/drink/tobacco, clothing/footwear, and leisure/entertainment)different items in Ireland, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and Turkey in 2002.

Of the listed countries, Turkey spent the most on food/drink/tobacco (32.14% of national expenditure), followed by Ireland (28.91%), Spain (18.8%), Italy (16.36%), and finally Sweden (15.77%).

In the category of clothing/footwear, Italy spent the most (9% of national expenditure); followed by Turkey, Spain and Ireland (6.63%, 6.51%, and 6.43% respectively); and finally Sweden (5.4%).

In addition, The percentage of consumer spending on leisure/education ofin all of the listed countries was under 5% : Turkey (4.35% of national expenditure), Sweden (3.32%), Italy (3.2%), Ireland (2.21%) and Spain (1.98%) .

You could also discuss how food/drink/tobacco accounted for most of the expenditure in all of the listed countries, and leisure/entertainment accounted for the least.

I hope this has helped you!

Essays / What is a culture? It's a human behavior that consist of all activity that surrounds us. [5]

Hi, hosseinrt. You asked about how to define "culture." For me, "culture" is everything we do that makes us human and helps us associate with a certain group of people. Often, the word "culture" evokes thoughts of art, music, literature, architecture, fine food and fashion. It's more than those things, though. "Culture" also touches on social norms, manners, technology, work styles, language, preferred forms of entertainment, ways in which we work, things our society values most. I think the term "culture" could be interpreted in many different ways, in fact.

I hope that those thoughts give you some ideas for writing your essay!

Essays / Ceasing Excessive Force by Police Officers to Extinguish Its Deadly Effects [2]

I'm unclear about the main theme of this paper. Am I correct that it is about how to stop police officers from using excessive force that can sometimes lead to deadly consequences?

Assuming that is the case, I would rephrase the title to something like this: How to Curb Excessive Police Force and the Deadly Consequences that Can Result from It

I'd then go into detail about the problem of excessive police force, citing case examples to highlight the problem (especially cases that resulted in deadly consequences).

Then, I'd write about the various ways to prevent excessive force in the first place: better training of police officers (and I'd go into detail here if the paper needs to be 8-9 pages long - for example, list all of the ways in which police training can be modified to help prevent this problem), more Taser use (vs. gun use), etc.. I think quoting people in the know would be very effective here, as long as you do it properly.

Finally, I'd conclude, stating something to the effect of this: Although changing the current system would require much time and effort, it would be well worth it if doing so could help prevent even one death.

I hope that has helped you!

Graduate / Education towards my nursing / midwife career - personal statement [2]

Hi, mammasam. I'm going to work on your first essay.

Since you already have a nursing degree, I suggest that you emphasize how being a nurse practitioner is a better choice for you than being a nurse. I like how you talked about how advancing your degree will allow you to be more autonomous and pointed out how you would use this more advanced degree to help your patients. Here are my suggestions:

Being a nurse has been a wonderful career for me. Ever since a childhood experience of watching my grandfather suffer from Parkinson's disease and emphysema, I have wanted to comfort patients, understand disease and learn about the human body. Becoming a nurse was a natural choice.

During my nursing training, I discovered that I not only loved providing comfort and compassion to suffering people, but also developing the differential diagnoses and treatment plans to aid in their care. As I became skilled at performing comprehensive patient assessments and applying critical thinking skills, I began to dream about becoming a primary care provider.

As a nurse practitioner, I would be able to use my diagnostic skills,In addition, I have learned the importance of providing education to my patients [...] decision-making. This includes the ability toeducatemypatients and their families,advocate for their goals of care, and have prescriptive authority to see their goals through fruition, while keeping with the essence of nursingand follow-through with patient treatment plans, all while providing the support and empathy traditionally associated with the nursing profession.

In closing, advancing my education will providegrant me the opportunity to challenge myself intellectually, provide holistic care to my patients and focus onand continue to make a difference [...] approach to healthcare that focuses on health promotion, disease prevention, and quality of life.

I hope that helped you!

Writing Feedback / How to make a child good member of society? They should learn that in school and at home. [2]

Hi islam12308. I don't know what IELTS scores are, but I will try to help you with your essay anyway. First, here are some questions I'll ask you that might help you enhance your essay:

1. Is it possible that school is a better place for children to learn to be a good member of society because parents are so busy working all the time? Children spend a lot of time at school and parents are often short on time.

2. On the other hand, is it fair to ask teachers to teach all of the lessons AND how to be a good member of society? Teachers are already overworked and underpaid. Can we really ask them to do more?

Now, here are my edits to what you've written:

Who is best equipped to teach our children how to be good members of society? Some argue that children benefit most from learning these types of lessons from their parents, while others argue that teachers and schools can more effectively teach them how to be good citizens.How to make a child good member of society? [...]

[...] and knowledge have to be given as lessons to their children. The problem with this statement is that teachers also have great experience and knowledge, so those factors don't necessarily make parents the better choice.In ideal circumstances, a child's parents are the ones who spend the most time with the child. It makes sense, then, that parents would have the most influence when it comes to teaching children how to be good members of society.Secondly, parents are people, who ...

On the other hand, schools offer children the opportunity to experience life in a miniaturized, "controlled" community, where they can perhaps more readily learn real-life lessons about how to be good members of society than they could at home. Discipline is expected and enforced in schools, so children quickly learn that disobedience results in negative consequences.others contradict opinion that parents ...

Views that parents' experience help [...] To sum up, I hold theMy opinion is that children can and should learn how to be good members of society from both their parents and the schools. A parent-school team approach to teaching these important lessons is likely more effective than relying on just one or the other.have to study how to be good member [...]

I hope that has helped you!

Writing Feedback / To what extent is the inequality good or bad for the economic development? [2]

To what extent is the inequality good or bad for the economic development?

According to the research paper of François Bourguignon (2004), the poverty reduction and growth are the objectives that have triangle-interrelation together with inequality. In order to help with your essay, I will first need you to explain the research paper's theory in very simple terms. Could you do that?

With the regard to economic development, poverty alleviation must be advocated by both economic growth and distribution policy towards the poor. It sounds like you're saying that economic growth and government "safety net" programs are both important for relieving poverty. Is that correct? Perhaps you can word it similar to the way I did.

On one hand,While absolute poverty (What does the term "absolute poverty" mean?) can be alleviated by an increase in income per capita or economic growth, on the other hand , relative poverty (What does the term "relative poverty" mean?)that adjusted for rising average income can still persist when the gains are not distributed with equalityequally. I think I can help you write this better once I have a clearer understanding of "absolute" and "relative" poverty.

Thus, the poverty reduction is determinedgoverned by the growth of mean income ofthroughout the population and changes in themonetary(?) distribution.

However, the redistribution or more equitable society has its cost and therefore we must discuss the foregone development in order to achieve equity.Help me understand this better. Are you saying that redistribution of wealth can help alleviate poverty, but it can also cause problems in the economy? If so, I suggest wording it more like I did.

I'm going to stop there until you've had a chance to reply and help me understand the economic theory better. This will greatly enhance my ability to help edit your paper.

Undergraduate / Combination of intellectual and professional growth; Vassar Colleg Supp/Why Vassar? [2]

Hi, orlaendoe. Here are my corrections to your essay:

HOW DID YOU LEARN ABOUT VASSAR AND WHAT ASPECTS OF OUR COLLEGE DO YOU FIND APPEALING?

My introduction to Vassar College came while watching a Meryl Streep movie called Julie & Julia. Although Meryl Streep's acting was impressive, it was the movie's reference to the college that really grabbed my attention.

My interest in Vassar College intensified after meeting Lilly, a Vassar student studying abroad at the Prague Film School. As we toured the Museum of Art History, she spoke glowingly about the college's diverse, artistic and accepting environment. I was fascinated. This could be the "College of My Dreams," I thought.

While reviewing the college's website, I was greatly impressed by the variety and quality of the offered courses, ranging from a first-year writing seminar to specialized classes in Russian short stories.

Small class sizes, one-on-one contact with professors and the ability to often choose one's own classes are all important criteria for me in choosing college. Unlike the large, rather impersonal Austrian universities, Vassar offers its students all of these benefits.

Ever since working at the Dorotheum Auction House, I have hoped to find an educational program that will prepare me for a career dealing with art. The variety of courses, internships and once-in-a-lifetime study-abroad opportunities Vassar provides to its art history students make Vassar College an obvious choice for someone like me.

I never imagined that aconversation on Meryl Streep movie would could ever be the starting point of ahelp point me in the direction of my dream collegechallenging journey I hope to undertake, but I am so grateful that it did. One of the stops on this journey I aspire to be the ivy-covered walls of Vassar.Maybe one day, I will look back on that movie and smile, remembering how it helped me make my dream come true.

Please "like" my post if you think I did a good job editing your essay. I am also a huge fan of art history (love Gustav Klimt's art!!!) and wish you the very best in your endeavors.

Essays / Applications essay assistance - how to start? [3]

Hi, Kukymonzta,

Here are questions to ask yourself that I think will help you with this essay:

How are you going to avoid burn-out if you are a student there? What do you do now to keep going, even when things are tough? Are you motivated by a goal you want to reach really, really badly? Are you absolutely passionate about art? Talk about it!

How can the Art Institute be sure that you aren't going to give up the first time you're rejected or make a bad grade? Maybe you could talk about how you've recovered from rejections/disappointments in the past. Maybe you could talk about how you persevere, no matter what - because you know you're going to make it if you do. Have you ever sought out the help of a tutor/coach if you needed extra help? Talk about how you are not afraid to do that at their institute if necessary. I personally think that recognizing that you need help and arranging for it are signs of maturity, not weakness. You could take this approach if appropriate.

How do you structure your work-life balance? Give them examples to show how you will devote time to work and study. Show how you are serious about this commitment.

Once you have thought about these, post your essay here and we can help you work on it more.

If you like my help, please give me good feedback. Thank you!

ChristineB

Writing Feedback / What are the impacts are caused by the technology in our life. [2]

Hello, selva. Thank you for submitting your essay to Essay Forum. Here are my suggestions:

What are The Impactsare caused by theof Technology inon Our lifeLives

Technology plays an important but complex role in many facets of our lives.

One important area in which technology has helped society is communication. Websites and apps like Facebook, Twitter, Skype and whatsapp allow people to connect to each other instantly and easily. Technology allows us to transmit written documents, files, photographs and other important information to others with the push of a button; it is no longer necessary to rely on the post office or human carriers.Here I think you should elaborate on how technology helps communication. For example, maybe you could address how Skype and FaceTime allow for a face-to-face meeting for people who are very far apart, something we could have never done in the past.

Although technology can benefit communication in many ways, it can be detrimental in others. It can be difficult to preserve one's privacy and anonymity when interacting on websites like Facebook.Here I think you should talk about how this can make it difficult to get a job because future employers might find embarrassing information or photographs when researching a job candidiate.Additionally, using technology can be a "time-waster" - some social medial users have a tendency to spend hours online instead of interacting with others "in real life."

Technology also benefits the field of agriculture. Genetic modification allows farmers to produce food more quickly and more efficiently than in the past. Elaborate machinery also speeds the production of food. There are drawbacks to the use of technology in agriculture, however. Some question whether genetically modified food could be harmful. The use of complex machines that now do the work people once did eventually led to unemployment among farm workers.

The world of banking has also greatly benefited from the introduction of new technology. Money transfers, e-commerce, bank account supervision and other financial matters can now be handled conveniently and privately through one's home computer.

Technology plays an important role when it comes to transportation and travel, as well. Satellite-based navigation systems and internet traffic maps help us plan our driving routes and avoid areas of congestion. Like in other areas of life, however, this tendency to rely on technology can backfire. Accidents due to texting while driving are one of the newest concerns in the area of vehicular safety.

In conclusion, technology offers many improvements in our lives, but these improvements are accompanied by new problems and areas of concern that must be addressed.

Please provide good feedback if you like my work. Thank you!