Undergraduate / How have your extra-curricular activities contributed to your personal development? [5]

Right off the bat, what is CUSA, maybe it is because I am out-of-field, but it would be helpful for those unfamiliar to get a spelled out one as well?

Also I would get rid of the first/second transitions, while they are very nice and easy to understand. It sounds like a written out with more detail resume of sorts.

Also the second paragraph seems to contain several long, long sentences. I would break this up to allow for better flow!

Graduate / What are you most proud of outside of your professional life? How does it shape who you are today? [3]

Take out "In my view," from the first sentence. It lessens the strength of whatever you say after it and just doesn't flow as well.

Second, that counseling center sounds really cool! It wouldn't call it almost non-existent however because that undermines it and honestly had me confused about whether or not it really exists!

And I agree with the other reviewer, don't say anything negative. Rather say you are more proud of whatever else. Show you are proud of both, don't detract your accomplishments.

Undergraduate / Cornell Engineering Essay - for the Artificially Intelligent [5]

I know the break-up into these 2 lines "I love games. Creating them, that is. " is supposed to be kind of cute or clever, but honestly due to flow and just overall readability, I would combine them.

I really like that you added in actual professor's names. It shows you did your research which is always a good way to make a decent to good first impression.

Graduate / WORKING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN. SLP Graduate Program Essay! [11]

@Holt
Thanks for your input!

I answered it a little uniquely and I understand that, but I did that as a way to make my essay unique. My goal initially was make it stand out that way, build up the evidence before presenting what the ultimate answer is.

I tend to enjoy essays that have interesting openings that capture me, not all of those start with reiterating the prompt.

I don't know. I'd really like to know if that's okay I guess.

I definitely will move paragraph #3 to the end of it! That's definitely a great idea.

Graduate / WORKING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN. SLP Graduate Program Essay! [11]

I reordered the paragraphs, I definitely get your point! Does this maybe work? I get in my first few "creative" sentences and then it goes directly into answering it.

Graduate / WORKING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN. SLP Graduate Program Essay! [11]

@Holt
Thanks! I do like it!

Any tips for a more unique first sentence or is reiterating the prompt okay?

And how is there irony? Is that okay?

Any other thoughts on the content??

And seriously, thanks so much for helping me! I wish I could buy you coffee

Graduate / WORKING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN. SLP Graduate Program Essay! [11]

@Holt
Thank you! Now the struggle is coming up with a new line! But it's certainly a good position to be in.

Yeah I'm hoping that even without SLP, my passion leads me to something similar will appeal to whoever reads it. It just sort of worked out that way.

Undergraduate / From Calculus 12 to literature interpretation; my mind was always wide awake in English class. [4]

" me and There was no one " make the T lowercase, and put a comma after the me. I know you honestly weren't that excited about mathematics, but I don't think you should necessarily mention that. Typically better to be 100% positive about yourself instead.

Undergraduate / Many "how" or "why" monumental questions in my mind. University of Pennsylvania essay [3]

"Like most powerful questions, the most monumental in my life begin with a "how" or a "why.""

how AND a why, saying or makes it sound like you don't know which one it was

The things in the parentheses in the first paragraph make it feel crowded and hard to read.

"noticing myriad somber faces" a myriad of somber faces - it sounds kind of like you used a thesaurus in this section, you can use simple language, it doesn't make you seem less intelligence, it's knowing when to use a bigger word that shows intelligence--later in the sentence, you use the word utilize for example which I think is a decently larger word and its good!

Okay, so ultimately, I like where your first paragraph was going, but I didn't understand and was confused about where it was going until the last sentence. It needs some restructuring to make it clear that what you are trying to show is you were curious about psych topics from an early age.

"At University of Pennsylvania, the opportunity to work with Martin Seligman in the Positive Psychology Center remains paramount "

I don't understand if you did work with him or if you hope to! And about saying you own his book, I would say I've already written in all the margins or something like that. Owning his book shows knowledge of his existence but not a real understanding of what he does.

But I overall enjoyed the 2nd paragraph.

Graduate / WORKING WITH AUTISTIC CHILDREN. SLP Graduate Program Essay! [11]

Merged:

SLP Graduate School Essay!

Hello! This is the prompt:

•Why are you interested in pursuing graduate education in speech-language pathology? Please be specific and describe how your personal experiences, education, background, and interests have influenced your choice to enter SLP and to become a successful professional. What are your long-range goals as a future SLP?

•In the BLANK UNIVERSITY SCHOOL, we value advocacy, collaboration, community, critical thinking, diversity, equality, integration, and justice. Please select one of these values and discuss what it means to you and how you plan to continue to embody this value throughout your professional career in SLP.

Is it clear I picked advocacy? How could I make it more clear? What needs work? Thank you in advance! :)

The responsibility I feel to be advocate for the children I work with does not end when I go home. It doesn't end when I am in public or talking to other people outside of my field. Autism Spectrum Disorder and the people it affects are highly misunderstood. It is my job to help disseminate information to help more people understand.

I felt the same responsibility when I was doing my undergraduate degree. Along with two others, I helped developed a branch of the National Alliance on Mental Illness or NAMI on my university's campus. Our team had all either experienced first-hand what mental illness was like or we had a friend or family member who was a survivor. We fought the stigma using our resources. We set up booths, we invited students to come listen to survivors, and we became involved with local support groups. We were advocates for ourselves and others who are so closely affected by mental illness. It was school that translated my curiosity into a passion for learning, but it was the people I met along the way that inspired me. Science was not just something to learn and read about, it was to be translated into advocacy and passion for helping people.

I found speech-language pathology while I was a neuroscience student. I was intrigued and did my own further research. It clicked; it fit together all the pieces of science I loved. The communication issues associated with neurological disorders were what interested me in neuroscience in the first place. Developing language and then using motor regions to plan it out and actually produce that thought to share with others fascinated me. Helping patients gain back or develop their own voice, their way of communicating was not a career I had previously known about. It tied together all that I felt I wanted in a career: advocacy, community, passion, critical thinking, and collaboration.

The field I currently work in I found after college. I discovered the ABA field while searching for speech-language pathologists to shadow. Instead of shadowing, I found myself working alongside them in a pediatric clinic for children with ASD diagnoses. The children I work with range in age from three to nine, and range in types and severity of symptoms. Some simply require the prompting of functional communication. Others are not vocal and use alternative voices from LAMP devices to PECS boards.

In my job, I've been asked to consider aspects of my future career I have never had to tackle before. I sometimes am the child's voice, sometimes I am the advocate for the family of the child. And when you stick up for the interests and dignity of your patient, amazing outcomes begin to happen. We have a child whose family was able to get a family photo for the first time in 5 years. We have a kid who felt proud of herself when trying three new foods and wanted to share that excitement with her peers and therapists for the first time. She wanted others to know she was doing a good job. I almost lost my voice from excitement that day. These little signs of progress, these little behaviors that children begin to participate in when their therapy is going well and working--these are the things we are working for. These moments that remind us why we are doing our jobs, why we are working so hard to improve these children's' and their families' lives. And this communication aspect of it, the speech pathology part of the holistic therapy is where my interests most lie.

The BLANK UNIVERSITY aligns with my goals and interests. Based on my background, I enjoy that the program is very research-focused and even studies ASD. The clinic I work with now has speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy on top of ABA therapy. I really enjoy the collaboration of the fields to aid in the overall therapy of the patient. I am a hardworking, passionate student who wants to make a direct difference in people's lives. I have a lot to learn to achieve my goals, and I want to get started.

Scholarship / Epog program; I understand the need of education in reaching my ultimate goals [8]

Being a citizen of a developing country (...) challenges maybe put in the words "around me" right here, it just flows better from a young age.

... complex of a delete a social-economical problems that directly reflects to people`s lives. TheA highest rate of corruption, (...) portrait of almostmore than 50 countries of ...

... conditions inspired me for - change to "to" seekingfor a ways of creating a better ...
..., which directly needs to be improved in (...) economics andthe social sphere.
My desire to choose (...) was to obtain the necessary academic tools .
This sentence is good but doesn't flow that well? I would re-write it as "This led me to choose State and Local Administration as my major in order to obtain the necessary academic tools.

Scholarship / My friend is always the one who gives big impact to my life. (NTU scholarship application) [4]

The first few sentences change tense a couple of times, make sure all the tenses match! Or if you want to refer to the past, set that up before switching tenses.

I know this essay needs to ultimately be about you, but my first question after reading is "who is Lim JitWei?" You only really mention that he is a friend, he is a strong, independent person, but I could name you 3 people like that that I know off the top of my head. Is he someone you met through school? Is he a family friend you've always admired?

Also I wouldn't mention dirty jokes? They typically say "say nothing negative" in essays for things and I would just stick to not doing that.