Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by ivyhopeful
Name: Emily
Joined: Dec 31, 2016
Last Post: Jan 2, 2017
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  

Displayed posts: 4
sort: Oldest first   Latest first  | 
ivyhopeful   
Dec 31, 2016
Undergraduate / High School Fair - Extracurricular Activity Supplement [5]

@kzhang7498

I would delete the last sentence and expand on the specific leadership skills you learned from RFL. For example, did you learn how to communicate with or direct a team?

I also would change the line "In that short period of time, we raised hundreds of dollars". Do you know how much money you raised? A quantitive amount would be beneficial. More importantly, though, did you reach your fundraising goal or even exceed it?
ivyhopeful   
Dec 31, 2016
Scholarship / Lehigh university - My dream school and the best choice possible [5]

@Osiremiza99

I think that you need to make your essay more personal. For example, your tweet sounds like you copied the opening line of their brochure. You also focus a lot on student life, but you need specifics. Is there a club you want to join? Will you join in the greek life community you mentioned? I would also revise any sentence with "you" in it because you're speaking to an admissions officer. They aren't the one looking for a college, you are.

For instance, I would change "You cannot understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk until you experience the magic at Lehigh." to something like "After experiencing the magic at Leigh, I understand what it means to be a Mountain Hawk".

Finally, I would get rid of any reference to Leigh as your school ("my school" "why I call it home") because it sounds like you think you're guaranteed acceptance. But you could say "I hope to call it home" to show that you're enthusiastic.
ivyhopeful   
Jan 2, 2017
Undergraduate / An unknown place, where I was born. Writing Cornell supplement essay. [5]

I think you need to discuss the second half of the prompt to relate the essay to Cornell. Try to find classes or organizations you would join at Cornell and discuss how they would help you answer the questions you pose at the end.
ivyhopeful   
Jan 2, 2017
Undergraduate / Why Marketing and Why CALS -- Cornell essay [2]

Prompt: Why are you drawn to studying the major you have selected? Please discuss how your interests and related experiences have influenced your choice. Specifically, how will an education from the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences (CALS) and Cornell University help you achieve your academic goals?

my first impressions about marketing



We've been told not to judge a book by its cover, but I've learned that first impressions are everything. My understanding of this in business was shaped one lazy summer in middle school when I went on vacation with my extended family. With nothing left to do after running around with my cousins in the morning, I wandered around the house to find various relatives to bother. In the kitchen, though, I found what would inspire my academic pursuits.

Although we were on vacation, my aunt was analyzing data for her work. Normally, my 12 year old self would discount that as boring and quickly pass on to the next relative. However, the methodical nature of the charts and graphs intrigued me. I learned her project was to determine the best way to market her employer through a brochure and her central question was which way to orient it: landscape or portrait. I spent that vacation holed up in the kitchen with my aunt scouring over survey answers, learning to identity a target audience, and analyze data.

Since then, I've grown to fully understand the gravity of business in our everyday lives. Walking down an aisle in the grocery store, I realize every product has an image that directly influences our decision in buying it. I recognize the appeals we learn in school on boxes and wonder how they could be improved. I look in other shoppers' carts and create a story for them in my mind based on what they buy. When I go to the mall, I immediately go to Nordstrom instead of another department store like Macy's. Thinking about my motives, I go not only for the style of clothing, but the store layout, customer service, and image of exclusivity. I find the profound impact of marketing on consumers astounding.

This is why I intend on majoring in applied economics and management with a concentration in marketing and minoring in french. However, I have high aspirations. I don't want to always have a mid-level job; I want to constantly improve until I can be at the top of my field. At Cornell, I would have the classes, organizations, and opportunities I need to make these goals a reality.

Currently, I'm interested in business in the fashion industry, so I would join the Cornell Fashion Collective. I see myself involved in their fashion shows and learning to manage a large-scale fashion event. With Dyson's top classes in brand management and digital business, I will gain applicable skills for my field. Through french, I would gain the global education needed in the business world and proficiency in a leading language in the fashion world. With the CALS exchange program with the IESEG School of Management in Paris, France, I can be immersed in the language and culture.

Beyond my major, I want to participate in Cornell's student life and be inspired by the brilliant people there. I want to live in the Holland International Living Center and be exposed to the many countries and cultures Cornell draws from. I want to join the Flexible Theatre Company to continue my technical theatre work from high school and continue be stimulated from the theatre's creative environment. I want get involved in College Mentors for Kids and be an inspiring force in a child's life like my teachers have been for me. I can even discover new music through the Fanclub Collective. And with Cornell's liberal arts core, I can explore a myriad of subjects with classes like "Comparative Politics", "Introduction to Modern Political Theory", and "The First Age of Globalization".

I don't have have an ending yet so any suggestions would be very much appreciated!
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳